President Biden was just informed that the Queen has died.
He replied, "That's a shame. I really liked their music."
What dinosaur do we have the most information about
Please stop making jokes about companies with no information technology department..
They literally don’t get IT
Where do kittens go to broadcast information?
What to say when your best friend asks for an informational booklet?
I was reading some new information about the Star Wars sequel trilogy, and apparently the crew had to put out multiple infernos every time Supreme Leader Snoke was on set.
I guess the old saying is true: where there's Snoke, there's fire.
Called my boss to inform him I would be late to work. A semi carrying nyquil had tipped over on the highway.
When I arrived on time he was super surprised. I told him me too; but there was no congestion
My 6 year old informed me that bees have tiny hairs on them.
I asked if they get a buzz cut. He looked at me dumbfounded.
i'm trying to learn ballet but my instructor just keeps going on and on about how i'll need years of training and discipline, plus all of this other unnecessary information. i'm getting frustrated.
can't she just skip to the pointe already?
Singing is fun in the shower till you get soap in your mouth....
My son informed me that the lightbulb in his bathroom went out. I told him to go get his Star Wars action figures.
Like I explained: "Mini Hans make light work."
Three vampires walk into a bar, the barkeep asks them "Whadyl' have tonight, guys?"
The first one says "I'll have an A positive."
Second one says "That sounds good, I'll have one too!"
Barkeep asks the third one "How about you?"
Third vampire says "Naw, that A positive is too heavy. I'll have an O negative."
The barkeep says "Coming right up - two bloods and a blood light!"
Don’t worry about sending your personal information to the Mothman via email.
What do you call a doctor that doesn't keep your health information private?
I informed a doctor I was born in 87'
I was surprised when she told me I was her oldest patient by far. I asked how that was possible and she replied, "You tell me. I figured anyone born in A.D. 7 would be dead by now."
I had a neon sign made to inform my friend that he was wrong
I view this as the ultimate form of gaslighting.
After calling in sick all week my boss called to inform me they saw photos of me partying on Saturday.
I responded that "I really was sick! I just have a weekend immune system!"
I nearly fell into a really deep pit. I informed the police about it.
They said they would look into it.
I was shopping for a tuxedo with my dad. Who kept telling me to try weird designs so I told him to go away.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
There are two kinds of people in this world.
Those who can extrapolate data from a given set of information.
I've Learned What Comes After Death
Dictionaries really are a good source of information.
I don’t get the hype about Shrek.
I thought it was just meaty ogre.
A massive amount of information about the upcoming "The Great Gatsby" sequel was divulged today.
Its called the great Gatsleak.
But some didn’t find it humerus…
My parents just informed me of a robbery at a local restaurant. They said the burglars stole multiple things, including stereos, TVs, light fixtures, and mirrors.
I said “That’s crazy…but honestly, I could see myself stealing a mirror.”
The military is supposed to straighten people out, but I once knew a guy in the military who would get annoying and argue with me about the smallest things.
My wife saw me treating a stye with some tea bags and hot water. I asked if she wanted some Information Technology. “What?”
“You know, eye tea?”
She rolled her eyes and walked away.
I was recently informed that sinks can't open doors
What do you call a corpse that has no information but is found next to a macabre piece of poetry?
An Edgar Alan Doe
Not sure if this is mine or I read it somewhere, it is in my notes of when I wanted to 'Become a Comedian'. Either way, found it amusing.
I just watched a fascinating documentary about beavers.....
Best damn programme I’ve ever seen!
A group of monks where removed from the scene in front of the Playboy Mansion, where they were insistently trying to sell flowers to people entering or leaving the premises. One monk informed us that, "We would be pursuing this in court but,
Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars."
Why are forests across northern Russia so popular at golf tournaments?
Because they’re taiga woods
I did some research on what the youth of the Byzantine Empire did for fun.
I guess they must have been busy teens, because I couldn’t find any information at all.
Doctor said I need to have wisdom tooth removed
I asked if he could take a stupidity tooth instead
How do marksmen stay informed?
By checking the bullet tins.
My toddler son ran up to me this morning asking for a hug.
I informed him he was in luck, as he was enrolled in an unlimited dada plan.
How do you best display quantitative information about breast sizes?
Where can you look up all important informations about the russian revolution?
Civics didn't make a lot of sense when I was in high school.
Corollas were a much better choice.
Don't go broke trying to act rich...
My wife just informed me that her feet told her they were hurting because they have clots.
I told her "Don't worry, only one of them is right"
I'm planning on using vibration and oscillation in specific frequencies to impart information
It might seem far-fetched, but the idea is sound.
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