Where do kittens go to broadcast information?
My wife informed me the cat is pregnant
I said you’ve got to be kitty-ing me
Called my boss to inform him I would be late to work. A semi carrying nyquil had tipped over on the highway.
When I arrived on time he was super surprised. I told him me too; but there was no congestion
My 6 year old informed me that bees have tiny hairs on them.
I asked if they get a buzz cut. He looked at me dumbfounded.
i'm trying to learn ballet but my instructor just keeps going on and on about how i'll need years of training and discipline, plus all of this other unnecessary information. i'm getting frustrated.
can't she just skip to the pointe already?
My son informed me that the lightbulb in his bathroom went out. I told him to go get his Star Wars action figures.
Like I explained: "Mini Hans make light work."
Don’t worry about sending your personal information to the Mothman via email.
What do you call a doctor that doesn't keep your health information private?
I had a neon sign made to inform my friend that he was wrong
I view this as the ultimate form of gaslighting.
I informed a doctor I was born in 87'
I was surprised when she told me I was her oldest patient by far. I asked how that was possible and she replied, "You tell me. I figured anyone born in A.D. 7 would be dead by now."
After calling in sick all week my boss called to inform me they saw photos of me partying on Saturday.
I responded that "I really was sick! I just have a weekend immune system!"
I nearly fell into a really deep pit. I informed the police about it.
They said they would look into it.
A massive amount of information about the upcoming "The Great Gatsby" sequel was divulged today.
Its called the great Gatsleak.
why are LGBT+ people poor comedians?
They can't say anything with a straight face
My parents just informed me of a robbery at a local restaurant. They said the burglars stole multiple things, including stereos, TVs, light fixtures, and mirrors.
I said “That’s crazy…but honestly, I could see myself stealing a mirror.”
My wife saw me treating a stye with some tea bags and hot water. I asked if she wanted some Information Technology. “What?”
“You know, eye tea?”
She rolled her eyes and walked away.
I was recently informed that sinks can't open doors
What do you call a corpse that has no information but is found next to a macabre piece of poetry?
An Edgar Alan Doe
Not sure if this is mine or I read it somewhere, it is in my notes of when I wanted to 'Become a Comedian'. Either way, found it amusing.
A group of monks where removed from the scene in front of the Playboy Mansion, where they were insistently trying to sell flowers to people entering or leaving the premises. One monk informed us that, "We would be pursuing this in court but,
Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars."
A group of “Karens” are sitting at a restaurant together.
A waiter approaches and asks, “Is anything OK?”
I don’t get why get high intensity workouts are so popular.
Why would anyone want to exercise in an informal settlement made using tents while stoned?
Did you see the new film about the invention of the tampon?
How do marksmen stay informed?
By checking the bullet tins.
How do you best display quantitative information about breast sizes?
My girlfriend just told me she loves sex on vacations.
It just sucks to receive the information in a postcard.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
The Mexican blind cavefish. I know, you were expecting a fsh, but I thought this can be informative as well!
My wife just informed me that her feet told her they were hurting because they have clots.
I told her "Don't worry, only one of them is right"
Where can you look up all important informations about the russian revolution?
My friend Hunter likes to buy books to collect new knowledge…
That’s makes them a hunter-gatherer of information.
I'm planning on using vibration and oscillation in specific frequencies to impart information
It might seem far-fetched, but the idea is sound.
What you call it when a ghost uploads your personal information to the public
I have a lot of friends in the LGBTQ+ community and I kept asking them what it stands for
I couldn’t get a straight answer
My son informed me that he was playing Lego Star Wars and decapitated another character…
I asked, “oh, is that how you get ahead in that game?”
They held a beauty pageant for all those Fox News blondes
And named the winner "Miss Information".
I wasn't happy with my bookkeeping course.
OK, the financial information is useful, but there was absolutely NO information on how to run a library.
Can anyone inform me on who invented knock knock jokes ?
They deserve a no bell prize
Where do bugs go to find information on the internet
Have you heard the important information about dried grapes?
It’s called raisin awareness.
Informative product review
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80s music!
Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?
Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought!
I was just in a car accident
After exchanging information I told her to have a good day and that it was nice running into her.
I asked fellow astronauts on ISS for some milk to put in my coffee but was informed I can't have any.
They said: "In space nobody can. Here, use cream"
There are 2 types of people in this world: 1: People who can extrapolate information based off of incomplete data
My Facebook account was suspended after I made a long post about Hercules
They said I was spreading myth information
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