A list of puns related to "Figurable"
Older Stepson, to younger stepson: "He set a tick on fire today!"
Me, leaning in to fiance's ear: "Dad, are we setting a tick on fire?" -pause- "Yes, we arson."
My fiance who usually scoffs at my dad jokes/humor: "...that was pretty good."
This just happened a few moments ago and I came in to share this with you all.
Je-sus
was a grate inventor.
Once its eggs hatched, it became a parent.
But then IT hit me.
Wonder Woman
And I'm thinking. "So... what's your point."
(took me a while to work it out but eventually funnier than sad on balance.)
I’m stumped.
No Windows
Until one day, when I finally understood.
... and then it hit him.
But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.
Please come back tomorrow if you would like next day delivery.
Like I explained: "Mini Hans make light work."
It means alot.
I decided not to buy it as the cake was probably stollen.
Owlette you know when I find out
A tik tok. (I said this to my daughter and she said "shut up mom" so I figured this could go here.)
Little Debby, Betty Crocker, and Swiss Miss!!!
It's a real head scratcher.
"Gas, electric & water".
They're kept in the bark-ives.
I said “are you gonna give them the No-Bell prize?”
I HAVE WON THE DAY
Georgia O'Teeth
I told him to walk around naked for a bit.
Ryan: how do I do that
I was going to tell you a joke about a pizza but it was too cheesy.
Antibody test
Thank god I’m part of the other 25%
...it had a lot of problems...on the inside.
A skateboard
It was the highlight of my day.
It’s just because they charge so much!
I thought about calling the cops but figured I shouldn't disturb him
It's Sir cumference
I’m just after my money.
It was just a miss understanding
It’s baffling.
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”
A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.
Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit ➡:3
Turns out they’re not too keen on small arms trafficking.
…and then it hit him
She invented the starting pistol
Apparently you’re supposed to blow out and remove the candles first.
Then I go buy Hershey's.
(I told my dad this joke and he loved it so I figured if it made a dad laugh it could count as a dad joke)
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