Ive invented a product that increases the size of your basement...

I hope it is a big cellar.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the population increase in Ireland?

Yeah, they say it’s Dublin.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rhodatoyota
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Chinese synthesize new element which causes a 500% increase rate of panda mating

It's panda-moan-ium.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Psyched_to_Learn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hired to represent the hard outer layers of cereal grain in a positive light and by doing so help to increase awareness and sales.

I'm a bran ambassador.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Taylor Swift could further increase her revenue by opening an express alterations shop

and calling it Tailor Swift

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/timeexterminator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A local baker decided he could increase production and profits by putting bread in the oven for half the usual time.

His half-baked scheme didn't work out the way he had planned.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 193
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Vandorbelt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to increase the size of your bank balance?

Look at it through a magnifying glass.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/i_hate_android_p
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a invention! It's a small edible device that would freshen your breath while simultaneously releasing a subtle and soothing A-chord. You would use the device (with the fresh breath and soothing sound) to help increase the effectiveness of apologies.

I call it:

THE A-TONE-MINT!!!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 102
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gbeeson
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 09 2016
🚨︎ report
When baby delights, and pitch of voice increases

We call this high coo.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 18 2017
🚨︎ report
In an announcement to coincide with International Women's Day, the Church of England has announced a drive to increase the number of female vicars...

They want to decrease the gender pray gap

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cybot2001
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that having a household cat increases your chances of being killed by a cat?

I was petrified.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SpectrumPrime
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The increase of bad parents has directly influenced the increase in gays.

Parents don't tell their kids to straighten up anymore.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 97
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Conniption26
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Studies show that telling Dad Jokes increases fertility.

I mean... it's conceivable.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ivey090
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 06 2018
🚨︎ report
With the increasing cases of Covid in America, I was worried there would be a shortage of paper towels.

But I found the grocery story to be Bounty full.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zkck0517
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Women should not have babies after 40.

That's too many babies.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 356
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MookieV
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Studies show habitual marijuana smokers have increased saliva production

When asked if there was any prevention, scientists stated you can either spit or get off the pot.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WaxEcho
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Lines for urinals have become an increasing problem in containing the coronavirus.

So mind your pees in queues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Lately, I’ve grown increasingly apathetic towards eating vegetables

Some days, I just don’t carrot all

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
With everyone in lockdown, cases of Stuckhome syndrome are significantly increasing.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KEARNAG3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I was watching a series of increasingly funny cow videos, and even though CowVid#18 was hilarious...

...I just couldn't bring myself to watch the next one. I just had this vague sense that something bad was going to happen.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that flight simulator game sales have increased since the outbreak?

A lot of pilots are working from home too!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/this_time_i_mean_it
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Toilet paper companies have decided against increasing production to meet current demands.

They said it would make business plunge.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheOrderOfARA
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Increasing security
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/luckiest0522
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Lately my wife has become increasingly frustrated with the amount of geriatric patients she’s been seeing...

It’s getting old

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tico46
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t the guy like to wear a mask?

He said it lowers his maskulinity.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BarbecueStu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Once upon a time in numberland, the numbers 3 and 5 were jealous of the number 2.

2 was enjoying a special position in the sequence of numbers. It was the only even prime number. All the other even numbers existed only because 2 existed. Heck, even computers ran on base-2.

As a result, 2 looked down upon all the other numbers, but no one could do anything about it.

3 and 5 conspired against 2 and decided they needed to do something so that it lost its powers. They kidnapped 2, and through magic divided 2’s powers equally among themselves. 2 ceased to exist. 3 and 5 both increased by 1.

Looking at 2’s dead body, they said, β€œNow we are even.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
In the future...

In 1,000 years, snails will evolve into being an advanced civilization. They will develop their own advanced technologies. In an effort to increase their mobility, they will equip their shells to be modular vehicles called Snail Cars, S-Car for short. Since snails do not have upper extremities, controlling the cars will be voice activated. The initiation command would be, "S-Car, GO!" πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dan_the_Man0904
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Job Interview for Later

Job Interviewer: "At the start you'll be earning $17,000; later that will increase to $21,000"
Me: "Ok, I'll come back later."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a recent report that counterfeit $1 bills have increased in circulation.

Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about Trump wanting to inject disinfectant?

It'll lead to an increase in the Dettol.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thespecialpun
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Here is a series of increasingly terrible math puns.

What kind of math do birds use?

Owl-gebra

What kind of math does a farmer use?

Cow-culus

What kind of math should you avoid if you have carpal tunnel?

A-wrist-metic

Which mathematical process would you use to find the total amount of chinaware you have?

Ad-dish-on

Which mathematical process would be most commonly found in a 1950's style diner?

Malt-iplication

If one runner on team injured her leg, how would you find out how many can still run?

Sub-track-tion

πŸ‘οΈŽ 69
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SkipperXIV
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2015
🚨︎ report
I wasn't sure about increasing my bandwidth

But I think it was net gain

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kirillsimin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do partcles get exited when we heat something up?

Because it's volume increases

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MAX3344
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?

The mean increases.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/timoteostewart
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens when this post gets updooted

There's an increase in enslaved 1's and 0's

thanks to u/Dietcokeisgod for helping

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LolzLolzHey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What's more effective than a heat-seeking missile?

A heat-seeking hittle

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChaoticFather
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
A new study finds fish are increasingly weight conscious.

Scientists hypothesize this is because they're always surrounded by scales.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nothingsexy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Prime numbers and stoners have a lot in common.

The higher they are, the more spaced out they become.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Bus drivers keep increasing the rate on a local route

I guess they're taking me for a ride

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scott003
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2016
🚨︎ report
My husband suggested we get a repeater to improve our router signal...

Me: A what?

Him: A repeater.

Me: dramatic eyebrow wiggling with shit eating grin

Him: Oh my god.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/misscharl0tte
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the recent Irish population increase?

It's Dublin.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ColonialDagger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2015
🚨︎ report
What happens when the average bullies in a school goes up.

The mean increases..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CHEEZY_21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?

The mean increases!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bakedschwarzenbach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.