It's mallet.
It was multi-ply wood
Dad, are you sure that new deadbolt was man-door-tory??
Making daddy proud.
Police believe he topped himself.
I've named him Alen.
She yells STAMPEDE!!! And threw a handful of animal crackers at me.
That explained the stains next to it.
He had taken out both front tires. When he went inside his house I decided to steal away only one tire, because stealing both would have made me two tired.
Does it become and Inni?
I call it my Escape room.
for emergency seat-uations.
It was wrong on so many levels.
I said, "the die is cast".
She caught my son and me smoking pot in the garage.
I guess he wanted to turn his firepit into a hotspot.
... he had parking sons
Not enough vroom.
Little bastard
http://i.imgur.com/rP4gc2C.jpg
Oh shit it's coming right at me
Update: I accidentally played dad instead of playing dead and now it can ride a bike
He brewed it himself
I told her I'd look into it.
I joked with him about how the boxes are piling up and I need him to cut them up. He lives overseas so he said that if I buy his plane ticket, he'll come and do the work. I told him that my gardener Ebodio will cut the boxes if I ask him to, and much less money. To make my dad feel better, I (half-jokingly) say that Ebodio's technique is not as good and he will be slower, but he'll be a whole lot cheaper.
My dad's response: "I feel like I am being undercut"
It got caught in my hair.
Where ya goin' son?
To grab my bag.
The bathroom has more privacy, son.
When I told my wife about it later, I told her that I dispatched it, Pink Panther style.
"What does that mean?" she asked me.
I told her that it means that the bug is now a
dead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant dead-ant dead-ant dead-ant dead-ant ... as sung to the Pink Panther theme.
I was putting my daughter in the car, which was temporarily preventing a lady from entering hers. She smiled and told me not to hurry; that she was patient. I said to her, "Well this is 'patient' parking...
She politely laughed and my wife gave me a healthy eye roll once in the car.
I replied, you won't get very far in the garage
Dad: We better turn off the fan, or we'll all get exhausted.
Dad: We need 10W-30 oil for the lawnmower but it looks like we only have 10W-40. We'll try it, though.
Me: What's the difference?
Dad: Oh, about ten. Hehe.
His name is Alen!
