This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight

There would be mass confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianGregor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Imagine a form of public transportation where there is no monetary fee but you relive past mistakes for as long as you are a passenger
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0LL3CT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Imagine how stressful it would be to be a ski.

I mean, there’s so much pressure on you all the time.s

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/christmasbush
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.

wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SocialPerformer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.

That's the punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_L_v_e_S
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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I like to imagine that the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'....

But he hesitated.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Imagine you're in a pitch dark room and you have no idea how to escape.

Just stop imagining.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrisyGGgamer23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Ho ho ho!
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajfoucault
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Imagine Dragons
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-ariyo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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I imagine when Microsoft's co-founder Mr.Gates gets a suit tailored, they must fit him perfectly.

They have to fit the Bill.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Imagine the Titanic with a lisp

It’s unthinkable

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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Imagine how tired Michelangelo was by the time he had finished painting..

..the sixteenth Chapel

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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"Honey, who might bee at the front door?"
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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If alcohol can damage your short term memory

Imagine the damage alcohol can do.

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nav_the_gamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Whenever I go to bed I imagine I'm a cop

I go under cover.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/borna761
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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Can you imagine if your dog was an undercover reporter?

They’d be able to dig up so much dirt on you.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdamAptor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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A farmer said to me β€œI have 68 sheep. Can you help round them up for me?”

I said sure. 70.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rfcoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Can you just imagine how pterosaurs felt seeing that meteor entering the earths atmosphere?

Probably pterofied.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterNova924
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Her: Honey can you pick up some milk

Him:* lifts gallon * done

Her: no from the store

Him: I imagine it weighs the same there too

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJonesy007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Imagine if vampires had blunt teeth and couldn't bite you

They would just suck

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Summetz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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My son came up to me and said that a bug was flying around his room, my wife said that he just imagined it.

I said that is justaflyable.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexNoru
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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Told my wife I was quitting my job today to become an electrician

She was shocked.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yet-another-dad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Not cool Dad...not cool

So my dad's telling my relatives the story of how my mom was in labor for 12 hours so they named me 'Laura' which if you say it in Vietnamese accent it's 'Lau-ra' which means "Long time to come out"...

IMAGINE FINDING OUT AFTER 21 YEARS YOUR NAME IS A FUCKING PUN ..

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stneutron
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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honestly, Imagine.
πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holiday_Volume
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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I went to see a psychiatrist to get over my crippling fear of palindromes.

The bastard put me on Xanax!

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Imagine eating a clock...

That would be time consuming...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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I have a step ladder...

I never knew my real ladder, but my step ladder raised me.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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My half brother is 6ft 3inches...

Just imagine if he was a full brother.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Can't imagine someone not understanding what erectile dysfunction is

I mean, it's not hard.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoliathTheTitan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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How profoundly disappointing to know...

...that the band 'Toto' was not made up of former members of the band 'Kansas'.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cryptozoophagist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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My friend was shot clean through his skull but survived.

I can’t imagine what was going through his mind at the time.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Name woes... translation: imagine the difficulty when she is ashes what her name is by French people..
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slipstreme
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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Imagine having a job at a Candy Store

That would be sweet

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Imagine how happy Barn Owls were...

When people finally started making barns

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I picked this pun, although it could use a little door imagination.
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedPenguin65
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight

There would be mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 230
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alluxin_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms over night

There would be MASS confusion

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/300_Black0ut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight

There would be a mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine if America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

There'd be mass confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Imagine the titanic with a lisp..

It’s unthinkable

πŸ‘︎ 212
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LTenaciouSD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

There would be a mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwawaytrol7134
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Imagine eating a clock

That would be time consuming.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C_Major808
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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Imagine being the guy who invented hand sanitizer.

Bet he is rubbing his hands right now.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaldrickD2M
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report

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