I jokingly told my X-ray technician that I didn't believe in X-rays...

but she saw right through me.

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👤︎ u/mcdofras
📅︎ Feb 19 2021
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Illumination during chemistry class
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📅︎ Feb 08 2020
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Design
👍︎ 6k
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📅︎ Apr 18 2020
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Some fights are illuminating
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📅︎ Apr 15 2015
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What's the opposite of the illuminate?

Ultra Nate, cause you're free to do what you want to do!

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👤︎ u/Naiphe
📅︎ Jan 23 2019
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I'm glad my friend enlightened me on this deal
👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/Bflowwolf
📅︎ Dec 23 2019
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What did the student say after visiting the Thomas Edison Museum?

I enjoyed being enlightened

👍︎ 15
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📅︎ Sep 04 2020
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What happened to the scientist when he broke the speed of light?

He was sent to prism.

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👤︎ u/ima420r
📅︎ Jun 09 2020
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What do you call a flower that glows in the dark?

A light bulb

👍︎ 8
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👤︎ u/Talazare
📅︎ Feb 08 2020
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I didn't think my friend's MacGyver-ed flashlight contraption would work until he provided a detailed description.

It was very illuminating.

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Mar 05 2020
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I started a charity to ensure everyone has proper lighting in their homes

I've always wanted to be a PhiLAMPthropist

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📅︎ Oct 17 2018
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I guess the trip to the bulb emporium was....

... Illuminating

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ May 19 2018
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I spent most of yesterday evening watching Cricket highlights

My eyes are a bit sore now but I’ve always been fascinated by pitch illuminations

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👤︎ u/mbiggs92
📅︎ Feb 18 2019
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my daughter studies painting and photography.

I confirm she is illumine arty

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/rethinkr
📅︎ Jan 12 2019
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This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer.

Bump…bump…bump.

The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man’s horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk.

He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly.

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP!

He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps.

He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath.

Bump…bump…bump.

There is a moment’s silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.

Suddenly…. Bump…bump…bump…Bump…

BUMP! BUMP!

BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!!

He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges.

Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after.

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!

Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin — a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp — but the coffin keeps coming!

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down!

His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!

The coffin stops.

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📅︎ Nov 26 2016
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