Illegalism Puns

They caught him red handed

Maybe, but you have to be careful. If you're caught trying to gather crows to train, you could be charged with attempted murder.

Edit: A group of crows is called a murder

You have to use a camera.

You'll be incarcerated.

Toad

It turns out, if you do it, you will be charged with a salt

They’re calling it a tally ban

It’s a pretty light punishment

Unlawful means against the law, while the other is a sick bird

A contra-band

They said that pi-rating stuff was illegal.

It is sad because since the beginning I was telling him this business is just too whisky.

It's too fishy.

Also it's a genuine UK law, see the Salmon Act 1986.

Because it was harbouring fugitives.

It got toad

I'm training for this ahead of time.

Edit #1: Thank you reddit. I think you ensured I will be getting divorced. Don't let up, it's full steam ahead.

Edit #2: My wife hates train puns. I sent her screen shots. She's on to my loco-motives.

Edit #3: I'm speechless. Largely because it's like 6am and I want to stay quiet to not wake up my wife, she's out coal'd, snoring like a freight train. I feel like you all really railed it with these jokes. I hope that she doesn't chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga choose choose to divorce me. I couldn't wait until the train ride. I told my wife some of the jokes. I working on a YouTube compilation of them from last night. I feel like she conducted herself quite well.

Edit #4: [These jokes were off the rails. Here is the YouTube link of my wife's reaction so far.] (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

Edit #5: I'm about to start training.

I thought to myself “well, that’s a little condescending”

It’s a personal fowl.

So now I traffic jams.

As a matter of Texan pride; remember the à la mode.

Because a mime is a terrible thing to waste.

It gets toad away.

So there was this dad joke about a sick bird being illegal but I don’t remember how it goes. Anyone? 🦅

Dear Sir/ Madam,

It has come to our attention that this IP address has been used for illegally downloading content.

Therefore, your account will be blocked, pending further investigation.

Sincerely, The Internet Provider.

They get toad!

(To the PM who didn’t get the joke, look away and then say the punch line out loud)

He arranges the score

Because Mao was more of a chair man.

I said no because I knew it was a sting operation.

Apparently the first guy to try it mist...

Roberto

Turns out, the Cows weren’t getting a square meal

Kidneys

Don’t get dry on your own supply.

Dad: You’re arborist is a cool guy. Didn’t intimidate me at all, he’s all bark and no bite.

I had a Canon printer for years.

Because it would be eeleagle (illegal)

Can’t have sheet in Detroit

But toucan.

It went really well. She's a keeper

He won all races by a very big margin but was stripped of all his medals ...

'coz he was a Cheetah! He should not have been in the human olympics anyway!!

- My sons and I came up with this on the way to school this morning. Its probably corny and old but we enjoyed crafting it :D

One is in violation of the law and the other is a sick bird

Toad!

Toad.

One is an action that is not authorized by the law, the other is a sick bird.

Toad