Id Cards Puns

Sharon is Karen

My alias was Justin Case.

Sex: F

Kid starts laughing, mom asks what happened?

Kid says: were you really so bad at sex you got and F?

It always says B positive.

David: I lost my id card

Dad: So i guess i would have to call you Dav from now on

So the hardest part is it has to be uplifting/cute like all the other mothers day cards, can't just be a simple jail/robber pun.

So far I got:

You're ex-cell-ent mom!

I'd break into a maximom security prison for you!

Hope your mothers day is on point! (with a diagram of a shank)

^((But they're kind of trash))

Ideas from others:

Most people have a mother-in-law but I get to have a mother-outlaw! u/tcbst15

I am making cheesy valentine-like cards for my fellow Adventure Monkeys--a name that was dubbed to the group I did humanitarian aid work with in Guatemala. For our last meeting tomorrow, I want to bring cheesy valentine-like cards, but I'm having trouble coming up with a silly pun. I'd like to use the words Quetzal (national bird of Guatemala) or Monkey (for our group) if possible.

Any ideas? I need your brilliant pun minds!

I'd always look at the report card and have 7 C's.

Buying from a food truck, so I'd made sure to get cash in case it was cash-only. However, I noticed they had a square plugged into an iPad.

"For future reference, I guess you guys take cards?"

"Yeah, and we give them back, too!"

A duck walks in a pharmacy and says to the cashier, "I'd like to buy some lip gloss." The cashier nodded and said "Okay. How would you like to pay? Cash or Credit Card?" The duck says "Put it on my bill."

I was eating Biscoff cookie spread last night for desert.

my wife, (reading the jar of biscoff): "European cookie spread"

me (thinking I'd dadjoke her): "no I'm not!"

my wife (playing the trump card): "not now, but you will be later tonight"

I gave her a high five.

I work at a university ID card center where we take photos.

Girl: ugh god my please tell me my hair doesn't look like shit.

Me: No worries, shit looks NOTHING like hair.

For his school ID card and such, my brother needed to procure a picture of himself, so naturally he took a selfie. He was so proud of this selfie that he shared it on Facebook, and captioned it "My TRU picture" (TRU being the university he was due to attend).

Our dad was the first commenter, with this gold: "Your Tru picture, not your false one"

My brother could only comment, "Dad why"

"Would you like a copy of your card?" "No, I'd like the original, please."

The day was raining like fish blown up by dynamite. The only jacket I had for the situation was fire Red with layered protection from such fish. I'm going to my college computer lab, trying to get my 24 hours of time in there done. It requires you to sign in with your student ID.

"May I see you card?" the teacher asks.

"Sure... So, how much time do I have allotted?" I asked after she signed me in.

"Huh? Oh, wait, sorry, can I see your card again? "

"Wait, I don't own a Cardigan"

Being an English teacher, she smiled and caught it quickly, "No, your card, but your jacket might suffice otherwise."

Edit: This might be too much setup for a stiff joke.

They get to the register, and comes the time that he's gotta use his debit card.

Clerk: You can swipe it now.

Father: Well, I thought I'd just pay for it.

Sharon is Karen.