Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DeusJZ
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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What do you call the Eskimosโ€™ signature wrestling move?

The Arctic Choke

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/babyhamstah
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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Best signature out there
๐Ÿ‘︎ 41
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrbaseball54
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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Went to cracker barrel yesterday for lunch with my dad and we got their new signature fried chicken

The waitress gave us our food and he started looking the pieces over really intently. He turned them all over and checked every side.

Waitress: is everything okay sir? Dad: No i think something's wrong with my chicken. (Looking at the pieces for a second time) Waitress: I'm sorry, what's wrong? Dad: I don't think they signed my chicken.

I lost it.

Happy Fathers day weekend!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rofsdraw
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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My magician friendโ€™s signature trick is to make cute kittens appear out of thin air.

His stage name is The Wizard of Awwws.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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I never know when I start dancing whether I'm going to drop down and do my signature move.

It's a split decision.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrthatsthat
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2018
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The actor of Hagrid asked me why I want his signature

I said: "I am a giant fan!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 53
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CrayonFox
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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My Dad's signature longform joke

My Dad loves to tell this joke when he meets new people. When he met my fiance, I led him into it and he took the bait seamlessly.

"I went out to check my mail and saw my neighbor mowing his lawn. As I was going back inside, I heard the mower mess up and him screaming. I ran over and saw he had run over his foot. It was terrible, he had been wearing flip flops. His big toe was cut off and his foot was very bloody. I immediately called 911, then yelled for my wife to help. I used my shirt to wrap up his bloody foot up and saw that his big toe was lying a few feet away in the grass clippings. I told my wife to bring me our cooler with an ice pack, then I put the toe in the cooler. A few minutes later the ambulance arrived, and they rushed him off to the hospital. I was quite relieved but as I turned to go back inside, I realized the EMTs forgot the cooler."

At this point he pauses for a long time, and the listener invariably cries, "What did you do!?"

He takes a moment, and calmly responds, 'Well, I called a tow truck!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 104
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/budgeroo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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Got dadjoked for my name & signature.

Must know: My name is Rick.

me: signing a passport (its literally just scribble)

dad: "it looks like a reading on the Richter scale, get it? A RICKter scale"

This was followed by me rolling my eyes and him rewarding himself with a few giggles.... Oh dad.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 98
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cheesues
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 09 2014
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One of my Dad's signature jokes growing up.

Whenever we were watching a movie and the bottom screen commented "Present Day" he would say. "Oh boy, it's Christmas!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/IllIIIlIlIlIIllIlI
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
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If people had really elaborate signatures, they wouldn't be so quick to sign things.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/totallyshould
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 31 2015
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Saw this on Instagram lol
๐Ÿ‘︎ 132
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ExoticCow64
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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A guy has a rough day and stops at Dickโ€™s Place...

...he tells the owner and bartender that heโ€™s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.

Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. โ€œWhat IS that?โ€ โ€œThatโ€™s my signature almond daiquiriโ€, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him itโ€™s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.

Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that heโ€™s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.

The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, โ€œThatโ€™s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!โ€ And Dick says, โ€œNo, itโ€™s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!โ€.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/5YearApril
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 15
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Dwayne "Rock Paper Scissor" Johnson
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punyae3671
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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I like writing my name in cursive.

Itโ€™s my signature move.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 45
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FinalCaveat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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The other day, my hot friend told me he could sign a piece of paper with his hotness.

Me, being fed up with him always boasting, I asked," How could you even do that?"

With a smug smile plastered on his face, he replied," Thermal Signature."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RespectfulRat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Every time I enter a room, I write down my name on a piece of paper and stick it behind some furniture.

Thatโ€™s my signature move.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2020
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I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.

But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 32
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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I used to be a wrestler.

I would get a guy in a head lock and write my name on their forehead.

It was my signature move.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 97
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TooCoolToSocialize
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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There are 10 kinds of people in this world.

Those who understand binary numbers, and those who donโ€™t.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/atom644
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 01 2019
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Disney Dad Jokes

I was on my honeymoon last week, and my wife was getting Snow White's signature.

Snow White: Did you get her ring from Grumpy or Sleepy?

Me: Grumpy. I traded him a case of beer for it.

Snow White: Oh, Grumpy can't have that stuff. He's a miner.

Where are the Disney dad jokes?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dukal
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
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My coworker asked for my pen...

I make fries at Wendy's and I always keep a pen in my pocket, well coworker A needs a pen, so coworker B asks if anyone has one. I say sure, you can use mine. Coworker B says "why do you have a pen? Why would you even need one over there?" I reply with "Well how else am I supposed to make my signature fries?" Both of them groaned.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 848
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FireSmurf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
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Today's date is 4/4

Which makes it a perfectly common date.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 34
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/robotreader
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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That's very punny, Mr. President

Curiosity Rover carries Obama's signature to Mars:

http://i.imgur.com/afpXW8Z.jpg

๐Ÿ‘︎ 44
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Furfaidz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
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x-post from /r/talesfromretail. Customer was classic /r/dadjoke material.

I apologize for this wall of text, I didn't know where I should cut out parts because they're all relevant to the story. Sorry again.

Hey TFR people! So for background, I work at a kiosk in a mall where I repair cracked phones and do other mind numbing work that I can now probably do in my sleep. I've been doing this job for a little over two years and can fix an iPhone, for example, in about 15 minutes. I apologize for the wall of text. Anyway, this story happened last night.

So, a family of three walk up (mother, father and daughter) but only the father spoke to me and this is where conversation starts. Note: When I was handed this girls phone she had a case with this image on it and was already about to laugh. Customer will be C and I of course will be Me.

C: How much does it cost to fix my daughters phone and can it be fixed?

Me: Oh it's very repairable, after tax and labor, it comes to $xxx.xx.

C: Do it

Fuck, he's one of these guys...

Me: Alright then, I just need a name and signature on this disclaimer we have.

At this point, I've taken their phone and am prepping to work on it.

C: Do I have to use my real name?

PAUSE Now, over the 2+ years I've worked here, I have never heard this question. So I was kind of taken by surprise by it. For a minute, I thought he was one of those paranoid people. PLAY

Me: Um.. Well I guess you don't have to. It's preferred since we can look you up in our system faster later.

C: Oh ok.

I turn back around and start to use my tools on the phone when customer guy throws me another curve ball question.

C: Can my daughter still play the piano when this is done?

I manage to turn and see him smirking a little and go back to his serious poker face so I pick up that he's joking.

Me: Well I would hope so. Slight laughter

C: Oh ok great! She's never even touched one before so it's good to hear her skill won't change in the slightest.

I'm on the verge of outright laughing at this point. I manage to hold it back and finish my repair. I snap her grumpy cat case back on, hand her phone back when she mentions the home button isn't working.

Oh that's an easy fix

Me: Ah, don't worry. Give me one second and I'll have that fixed.

C: One. Try it now "Insert girls name"

Me: Haha well I haven't done what I need to yet.

I pull out a giant clear bag half full of spare parts.

**

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 115
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CountBlah_Blah
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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Did you hear about the all sheep and goat cast of Casablanca?

The movie's signature line was "here's looking at ewe kid."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/marcuccione
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
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Signing the Census form

The latest Census form (In OZ) asks for a signature.

Me: It doesn't say who is to sign. Should it be the first person on the Census? The second person? Even your dog could sign it.

Dad: Well, that would be a poor signature!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vinags
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 04 2016
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Got dad-joked at work....

I'm a cashier at -insert big name car dealership- while talking to customer, I got joked.

"I'm gonna need a couple signatures from you sir, right here, and here"

"But I've only got one signature..."

And all I could do was roll my eyes, shake my head and chuckle.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RozlynLeigh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 18 2015
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Where's the ice cream?

I work as a delivery driver for an industrial supply company, and today I was delivering some pylons to a client. I walked inside and found the nearest person to ask them for a verification signature for the delivery. I walked up to a man I recognized as the dad of one of my high school friends. He looked at me with a shit-eating grin and said "Where's the ice cream?" I looked at him, totally confused. "What?" I said. "Where's the ice cream?" he repeated. I stared at him with a blank look hoping he'd explain himself. Then he looked at the pylons I was delivering and said "Well, you brought the cones, so where's the ice cream?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 16 2014
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Checking out at the register

I was ringing out a son and father at the register. I tell him his total is "seven forty seven" and the father replies "I didn't buy a plane!" and looks at his son to get a quick laugh, but his son wasn't having any of it. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold my laughter because i know this is a typical dad joke. But that's not the best part.

He swipes his credit card and reads the credit card reader out loud, "Sign Below". He ends up writing "BELOW" as his signature and says out loud to me and his son "It told me to sign 'Below' and so I did". His son responds with "Dad you are so embarrassing" and I'm chuckling out loud cuz I've never seen anyone do that the 3 years I've worked there lol

TL;DR Dad writes "Below" as his signature because he took it literally as any days would.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/deepholes
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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Every. Time.

So I'm standing with my dad in the grocery line and he's paying with his credit card.

Cashier: May I have your signature sir? (To verify his credit identity).

Dad: Am I that famous?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xaiqwontai
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20 2014
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I write my name in cursive all the time -

It's my signature move.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 303
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Degtyrev
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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When I used to be a wrestler, I would get a guy in a head lock and write my name on their forehead.

It was my signature move.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 43
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fatandsalt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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