I am getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
Looks like weโll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.
She's still angry she let me name the kids
The suspense was killing me.
Dead
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
He's calling his new line DJSteve's
The other said, "I could be suede."
It really ties the room together
I replied " yes, all 10 seasons actually "
I made a hole in one.
We call it the decoration of independence.
This is noose to me.
It was a cat-ass-trophy
The customer service was an Fโin joke
https://i.imgur.com/8oYKk78.jpg
He said, "What?! It's Decor!"
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat.
"That sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman said with admiration.
"Thanks!" the girl replied.
The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
The fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
He kilt himself.
Wrote it myself.
He was in the noose.
For my job in a software company we have to record a conference call with the developer and my QA team whenever we push a new project live. During the call there was a train in the background which was pretty loud coming from the developer who is named Trey. After we had finished testing i said: "Hey, did anyone else hear that? What was that?" My boss who was in the call said: "Yea i did, it was a train i think." I let the silence hang for a bit and said: "Are you sure? It sounded like a Treyyyyyyyain" Immediately heard multiple groans and my boss says: "Ok i'm done" and leaves the call, quickly followed by everyone else.
My husband and I aren't planning on kids just yet, but he'll be great with the dad jokes if we ever have some.
A few weeks back, he called to ask if I needed anything from the store on his way home from work. I said no, and he followed that up with the random observation, "Hey, there's horses over there!"
I was initially confused, because the way he said it made it seem like they were in the road, and asked, "...what are they doing?"
There was a brief pause and he said, "Oh... just horsing around in a field."
I immediately hung up.
Edit: A word.
my dad said it was a Judy Garland.
Me: So we learned today that Louis Riel was hung Dad: Really? Did you see him in the shower or something?
That was uncalled for.
Dad: I hung up a picture I've been meaning to put up for a long time, and it looks great.
Me: Oh cool, where is it?
Dad: On the wall.
As I was saying goodbye, he says "oh wait, one more thing. What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated... you know... like the coffee!" It was all I could do to not let out a groan.
I call it the decoration of independence!
