I’ve been here two hours and she is still on her feet.
Dad: No, I am confident that I want to eat here
Dad: Down.
The hostess asked us if we had a reservation. Without missing, a beat my dad said, “No, I am fully confident I want to eat here.“
Dad: 'No. I'm confident I want to eat here.'
The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.
The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.
The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Dad: "She's taking us on a wild booth chase!"
Note: He said this through tears of laughter, while literally slapping his own knee.
To which i replied, “no, I’m pretty sure i want to eat here”.
"Somewhere, a snowman is singing soprano..."
Guess he really liked ho-hos and ding dongs
He replies, "Yeah, but we're gonna eat here anyway."
Cue me groaning and the hostess not understanding.
I got a hostess at Disney today.
As we were checking in for a dining reservation, the hostess asks, "Does anyone have a Birthday?"
To which I reply, "We all do... but none of them are today."
My wife's eyes rolled so far, I think they went all the way around.
It’s called Why is the hostess crying again?
the air hostess noticed the rotten meat they had with them and said "hey you cant bring that on board" Vulture" but this is carrion luggage"
This guy comes in to eat all the time. When he came in today, one of the hostesses asked him, "Anywhere specific you would like to sit today?", as he usually likes to sit next to a window. The customer responded, "Well, in a chair would be lovely."
Hostess: Hi, how many for you? Dad: 4 please Hostess: Okay, and can I get a name for that? Dad: George Granecki Hostess: Can you spell that for me please? Dad: G-E-O-R-G-E....
A man was invited to a last minute dinner party at a nice restaurant for which he was not properly dressed.
He needed a tie, but didn't have time to pick one up, so he used his jumper cables instead.
Once at the restaurant, the hostess says, "I'll let you in, but don't start anything!"
Back when me and my siblings were all around 10 years old and smoking was still allowed in restaurants, the hostess would ask "smoking or non?" And every time my dad would turn to us and ask "are you gonna smoke?"
I work at a restaurant. The hostess who was leaving was telling me who her to-go orders belonged to before she left.
Her: (points at order) "This is Rose."
Me: (waves at bag) "Hi, Rose!"
She hit me, another coworker called me an ass, I laughed too hard at my own joke.
the hostess joked "Patients is a Virtue." Dad... "I have no virtue"
Whenever we're in a crowded restaurant and the hostess tells us the wait time, my dad asks "If I was the president would you have a table for me right now?" The hostess says "Yes, of course." Cue my dad "I'll take his table."
It started off pretty innocently. I was at work doing work stuff (I'm an apprentice boilermaker if you want to know) and came up with this...
Q. How did the bacon get to hospital? A. In the HAMbulance.
Kinda just snowballed from there...
Q. How did the sheep get to hospital? A. In the RAMbulance.
Q. How did the oyster get to hospital? A. In the CLAMbulance.
Q. How did the marmalade get to the hospital? A. In the JAMbulance.
I decided to post my hilarity on Facebook, and my brother in law dropped this one:
Q. How did the martial artist get to hospital? A. In the JEANCLAUDEVANDAMMEbulance.
And my sister chimed in too:
Q. How did the Beaver get to hospital? A. In the DAMbulance.
The next thing I knew, it just wouldn't stop...THEY JUST KEPT COMING OUT OF MY BRAIN!
Q. How did the sweet potato get to hospital? A. In the YAMbulance.
Q. How did the Indian get to hospital? A. In the PAPADAMbulance.
Q. How did the other Indian get to hospital? A. In the WIGWAMbulance.
Q. How did the insomniac get to hospital? A. In the DIAZAPAMbulance.
Q. How did the baby get to hospital? A. In the PRAMbulance.
Q. How did The Flash get to hospital? A. In the SHAZAMbulance.
I went to bed around 8.30pm. NO SLEEP FOR ME, MORE DAD JOKES TO THINK ABOUT!
Q. How did Sean Penn get to the hospital? A. In the IAMSAMbulance.
Q. How did Dr Suess get to the hospital? A. In the SAMIAMbulance.
Q. How did the exhibitionist get to hospital? A. In the WEBCAMbulance.
Q. How did the 80's pop stars get to hospital? A. In the WHAMbulance.
Q. How did the air hostess get to hospital? A. In the PAN-AMbulance.
Q. How did the POW get to hospital? A. In the VIETNAMbulance.
I'm pretty much spent at this point, but thought I would share with you guys. Maybe you've got more of your own to add?
Just to set this up a little, my family went out to a pretty crowded restaurant. He approached the hostess, Dad: "how long is the wait?" Host:"It'll be 10 or 20 minutes" Dad:" I'll take 10" This is when the host starts to slowly explain what she meant. My dad then clarified he was just giving her a hard time.
Technically my grandpa always makes this joke, but my dad will make it to.
To the host/hostess: "We had reservations but we came anyway."
Being the hostess of Thanksgivikkah dinner this year, I made a little speech about how blessed I was and how I loved everyone at our table. Dad said I should have started with a joke and then offered this one up:
"A rabbi, a minister, and a priest walk into a bar. The bar tender says, 'what is this? A joke'"!
Happy Thanksgiving!
my dad talking to the hostess, "we'll take a table with a view of the ocean please, huehuehue." Theres no ocean in sight. "every fuckin time dad. ugh"
At one of those places where they put the brown paper on the tables that you can draw on with crayons. Hostess leads us to our table and writes "6:32" on the table to show when we arrived.
Dad: "6:32, what a strange name. What ethnicity is that?"
This used to happen every time I went to a restaurant with my dad.
Hostess:"Do you have a smoking preference?" Dad:"Marlboro."
OR
Hostess:"Do you have a seating preference?" Dad:"La-Z-boy."
Dad: Down.
Dad: Down.
Dad: Down.
Dad: Down.
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded". Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven. The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
