I lost my guitar pick made out of cow bone

I told my brother I lost my bone pick, he said β€œof course you did”

β€œI really have a bone to pick with myself for doing that”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradenMer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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This is my best pick-up line
πŸ‘︎ 581
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rukhnul
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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So I found a pebble that looked like a guitar pick...

I told my girlfriend it was for rock music

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CamPfaff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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You can pick a guitar, but you cant Piccalilli.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/9ine0ne0ne
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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A buddy of mine makes dick-shaped guitar picks, thought ya'll would enjoy his "Dick Picks" ;) youtu.be/Vm4hCYAvYuo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruskitskit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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As a disabled dad, playing the guitar, being picked up for the gig....my son asks, β€œyou going to jam”

And I reply, β€œit’s more of a preserve, than a jam.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameItTrashIt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
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My girlfriend was goofing around and stuck a guitar pick in my nose...

I said "What the heck are you doing?"

She said "I'm picking your nose!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joebeans1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
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A rock star's Journey

A number of years ago I was in a rock band. We were hugely successful, playing some of the biggest venues and entertaining swarms of fans.

The last shoes we ever played were on our world tour. We played the Americas and then flew over to Europe. We played our way through Russia and even a couple of gigs in China, before selling out our final show in Japan.

It was a hell of a Journey, but it was time for me to hang up my guitar. I retired from the rock star life and got an office job in Tokyo.

I made a few friends at work, and grew close with one in particular, Narada-san. One day Narada had the day off for a funeral, but that wasn't enough; he needed more time. He was torn between his obligation to return to work and his desire to have more time at home. He asked me what he should do.

The answer was simple. I picked up my guitar and played a Japanese version of our biggest hit from 1981:

Don't Stop Bereaving

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Give me music puns!

I bought some guitar picks for my partner's belated bday and I want to have some musical puns engraved on them. I don't know enough about music to do a good job. I need puns that play on musical theory or musical notes, method, whatever... Anything that's more clever than "I pick you", which I think is cute but also underwhelming. These are guitar picks though, so short and simple are best. NSFW acceptable. PLE ASE HALP!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/og_cosmosis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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no need to fret
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pun420
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
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Told a dad joke while meeting my girlfriend's family

So it was my first time meeting my girlfriend's family and it was a holiday so I had assumed it would go like how it is in the movies, the guy being constantly criticized by the girl's family and told he's not good enough but I must have lucked out as they absolutely loved me, after we had the traditional thanksgiving meal at around 4, her family and I went to the porch to drink and joke around. On the way out to the porch, buzzed me thought it would be hilarious to take someone's ukelele with me and hide it on the porch, I promised myself that before the day is over, I'd use that ukelele as a joke piece and get everyone to love me even more. So the evening is going great, everyone's drunk, laughing, telling funny family stories when all of a sudden, I stand up, get everyone's attention and I grab the ukelele, picked it up and said

"I like to play a little guitar"

The hysterical, drunken laughs of everyone on the porch was the highlight of the best Thanksgiving I've ever had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blacksplosiveness
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2015
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A horse is sitting at home watching MTV

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatDekuTree3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Rock Music

One of my friends walks over to me with a rock in the shape of a guitar pick and says "I'm saving this for rock music"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gavon420
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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Had A Good One in the Shower This Morning

So I was in the shower with my girlfriend this morning, and I have one of those Moxie Bluetooth showerheads so I can stream music from my phone to my shower.

At different points during the song, I was (gently) playing the cowbell part on her butt, cymbals on her stomach, etc.

During the guitar solo, I picked up some of her wet hair and began strumming the notes along with the song. She gave me a nasty glare.

And then, it hit me.

"Sorry babe. I just can't help playing HAIR guitar during this song!"

The look she gave me....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flyingbear24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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in music class today

me: "hey miss, where are the guitar picks?"

teacher: "oh right here.."

teacher: "take your pick"

me: cri

take your PICK!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deering_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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I'm proud of myself...

My sister and I were fighting (in a lighthearted manner) and she was trying to get pen marks on my arms. I picked up her guitar and used it to protect myself from her ink attacks. She got mad and said, "That's worth $200!"

Then I replied, "That's a pretty expensive pen."

She started laughing and I had time to escape... I dad-joked my way out of a predicament!

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πŸ“…︎ May 23 2014
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