What do you call a snake that works for the government?
Do you know what happened to Jack Ma after he criticized the Chinese Government?
Only government...
Can screw you hard for a whole year before they even stimulate you
A group in Denmark is trying to convince the government to use old Legos to re-pave their highways...
...unfortunately, they've been running into a lot of road blocks.
What's the difference between the government and the mafia?
The mafia can turn a profit!
Due to COVID-19, the German government is advising that people stock up on sausages and cheese.
They are preparing for a wurst käse scenario.
How is a small municipality governed?
By an Itty Bitty City Committee
What do you call a self governing group of hippos?
The Government Accidentally Built A Prison Outside My Home,
I Guess You Could Say I'm Under House Arrest.
Gravity Falls has the best puns
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.
It's the Wurst-käse-scenario
A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians
After many years of designing, the government has released a new type of currency made out of herbs.
They spent a lot of thyme on it, but now it's mint.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.
Operation Toot And Calm ‘Em will last a week.
The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.
The U. S. Government legally believes in demons.
After all, possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Cardi B’s sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly
Why did the bacteria use the employee entrance?
Where I grew up, we had back-to-back violent attempts to overthrow the government.
What kind of a government would Authors form if given a chance?
An authoritative write winged government.
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...
It's called the Santa Clause
Why did Led Zeppelin have record sales in China last year.
Because the government declared a rock down.
If the government banned cigarettes, I would shout slogans and protest
But I'm afraid I wouldn't have the lung capacity
Why did the government arrest a rancher who fed cannabis to his cattle?
The stakes were too high.
What type of government does a country full of extroverts have? A socialist government.
What is the only music allowed on US Government computers?
As an Aussie, I feel sorry for my American friends and their government
After all, they’re still stuck in the last decade
The government is making a regime change..
If the government included a clutch of baby chickens along with the stimulus funds...
Does this mean we got money for nothing and our chicks for free?
The czech government month and a half ago...
The government just banned the fifth month of the calendar year.
The government is finally allowing Lego Land to reopen...
...kids are lining up for blocks.
I don’t like the government taking all my money. It’s taxing
If you get a message from the government warning not to eat tinned meat because is contains Covid-19, just ignore it.
You know what? I think I can.
Why wouldn't the Republicans impeach Donald Trump?
They insist on bringing a baby to full term.
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
I knew the government was hiding something
What's the best bit about a Covid cake?
It'll never run out as the Government is always adding new tiers.
A train engineer believed a hospital ship was the site of secret government conspiracy and decides to ram it with his train.
Now that's what I call a loco-motive.
Austrian government has banned gatherings of more than 5 people
They have been Austriacized..
Did you hear about the government scheme to get rid of deodorant?
They said that they are going to axe body spray.
All countries got Coronavirus...
In the Israeli government who has the most power?
I was going to get a tattoo in Madrid, but the tattoo artist I wanted to go to got in trouble for making some anti government tattoo art, which was quite a surprise
No one expects the Spanish ink sedition
How is a small municipality governed?
By an itty bitty city committee
Do you want to know a joke about the Chinese government?
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