I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
How does a snowman get to work?
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"
It didn't help, but I knew he meant well
My friend told me if I want to get out of doing the dishes, try dropping some of them. I tried it, it didn't work.
But then during babysitting.
Wife (we both live in the US): I have to make sure my work phone is on do not disturb mode before bed so I don’t get email notifications from co-workers in our office in Europe.
Me: Sure, because when they send email, they don’t care if you’re up.
Do you think that Terry Pegula's kids ever get tired of him saying, as he's headed out the door to work ...
"Time to go pay the Bills."?
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd
My Indian friend keeps trying to get me to convert to his religion and it's starting to work...
Your mom had to get a tuberculosis test for work. I guess we'll finally have an answer to the age-old question . . .
Why couldn’t the frog get to work
In my line of work you get to see some serious shit
I work at a sewage treatment plant
For the life of me, I could not get the sweet tea dispenser to work during my lunch.
I was having some difficultea.
My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....
I’ve never heard him complain
How do the monsters that hide beneath bridges get to work?...
...They ride the Troll-ey.
Due to a spinal injury at work, my Dad had to get a neck brace.
At least now he always looks forward to see me.
How did Pharaoh get the Jews to work for him for all this years?
How to get a day off at work
Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.”Man: “And how would you do that?”Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.Boss comes in: “What are you doing?”Woman: “I’m a light bulb.”Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”The man starts to follow her and the boss says:“Where are you going?”The man says: “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
I keep telling this girl who works on a farm to get over the loss of her favorite cow.
But she couldn't put it pasture.
I always hide as soon as I get to work
Because a good worker is hard to find.
What does Santa do to work off all of the cookies and milk he gets for Christmas?
😔Mom: "I know your brother is overly anxious, but I think the best way out of this is to get busy... Where does he work again ?"
I’m going to get an experimental vision correction surgery tomorrow but I’m not so sure it’ll work.
I suppose I’ll just have to wait and see
Why would you go to the gym to work out when you can go to the Paint Store and get "thinner"
This sign I drive past on my way to work gets me every time.
How do programmers get to work?
Wife: How did Mr. Big, an arctic shrew, get polar bears to work for him?
Me: He must have been a SHREWD businessman!
Cue groan and rolling over to bury her head under the pillow as I giggled for 5min
I called my wife on the way to work, I said when I get home, I want you to do something freaky to me. You know what she said?
It was really busy at work today and someone jumped in to help me get things done. I told him “Thanks for helping me out. I just couldn’t catch up.”
“I’m glad I mustered the energy, since you couldn’t catch up.
Get it? Mustered.”
How did Scrooge get his employees to work double time on Christmas Eve?
He made Crochet sign a quaver.
(Credit goes to a friend of mine who's been writing Christmas cracker puns)
When you work at a restaurant, you're humor gets dumbed down to dad joke level.
So, my table was ordering their drinks and the father of the table ordered by saying, "I'll have a coffee and a water. Black please." I responded, "we don't have black water here, sir." I am still ashamed.
What do philosophers use to get to work...
Went to lunch with my dad yesterday and I was in a hurry to get back to work.
Me: Alright, Ive got to run.
Dad: Just take your car. It will be quicker.
Step mom said to me, "You know what really works to get rid of ants?"
Dad chimes in, "A pissed off uncle."
How does a snowman get to work?
How does the snowman get to work?
How does a snowman get to work?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
