My wife asked me to go get some milk
My wife: can you go out and get a gallon of milk, if they have oranges get 5
Me: *comes home with 5 gallons of milk"
My wife:???
Me: they had oranges...
How do you get your child excited to go to church?
Tell them they are going to the prayground
What do you get when a bunch of male deer go into outer space ?
Where did the space robot go to get a drink?
If you ever get the chance to go to India
You have to try their New Delhi
Where does a dog go to get a new tail?
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
Where do you go to get books that aren't true?
I asked my dog Regina why she wouldn’t go and get the ball I threw...
She said, “Quit trying to make ‘fetch’ happen.”
Where do Jedi go to get inked?
Where does a Canadian alcoholic go to get help?
Everytime I go there I get upset.
What do you get when you go to an emo school?
If you are offended by my dad jokes, don’t get mad and ask me to go to the artificial excavation filled with water.
I've invented a new golf ball that will automatically go into the hole if it gets within 4 inches...
DO NOT carry them in your back pocket.
First, I posted this on r/jokes but it didn't get much love. Then I realized I posted it on the wrong joke sub. Y'all love the punny jokes, so here you go:
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
Where would you go to get maple sushi with poutine dipping sauce?
Where do crows go to get educated?
My 8yo daughter made me proud and came up with this: I don't get why pirates go around on boats...
They should be in the arrrrmy
Where does a horse go when it gets sick ?
A horse-pital.
Ha. Ha. Just kidding....They get shot.
Where do veggies go after they get off the airplane?
Where do Peek A Boos go when they get sick?
A peasant's wife told him to go get milk for the baby. Dutifully, he went to the market with the baby and brought home a hefty jug of milk. "You've forgotten the baby!" she exclaimed.
"No I haven't... I got milk for the baby!"
Last night my wife says "Honey will you go get us some tortilla chips and cheese?"
I looked deep into her eyes and said
"I'm nacho delivery service. "
If I ever go to jail I am making sure I get the nickname ‘mitochondria’
The powerhouse of the cell
Where do you go when you get hurt playing peekaboo?
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of sprite from the grocery store.
I realised when I got home I picked 7up.
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
My boys were arguing about who would get to drive the go-kart around the track...
I told them, "You guys should take turns".
Two blokes go for a job. Before they can get the job they are asked some questions.
One said to the other i wont get the job i not good at questions.
Dont worry said the other i go in first and i will tell you the answers?
So he goes in the boss said to him; If i poke you in the left eye what would happen.
I would go half blind.
If i poke you right eye what would happen.
I would go fully blind.
Congratulations you have got the job. Send the other candidate in.
As the other candidate was going in the he said the answers are Half blind and Fully blind.
Thanks mate and goes to see the boss.
Right said the boss if i cut your ear off what would happen.
I would go half blind.
Okay said the boss if i cut your other ear off what would happen.
I would go fully blind.
The boss looks puzzled and said how do you make that out.
He said thats obvious.
My cap would fall over my eyes!!
Where do worn out noses go to get repaired..?
I go to Popeye's to get the kids something to eat.
Maddie wanted the kids meal with a leg so I said “Kids meal with the leg” and the lady says “Which side?”
Me- *complete silence as I heavily contemplate such an odd decision*
“I guess the right side, hell I don’t know what the difference is.”
After several moments of laughter she says “No hunny which side would you like to go with the leg? Potatoes or fries?”
Where do rabbits go after they get married?
i went to a restaurant and the waitress threw a piece of meat on the ceiling. she offered me $100 to go and get it off and i replied:
No, the steaks are too high!
OK here we go. Soap this gets to the front page...
Where do mathematicians go when they get sick?
My son just told me he was gonna go get a shower.
I said “Son, that smells like a great idea.”
My dad was telling me about his doctor’s appointment today. He needed to get some vaccines, but because of Covid he would have to go to the office and they would give them to him in his car.
He said he was going to be involved in a drive by shooting.
Where do monkeys go to get drunk?
Whenever we go to a buffet, I always ask my wife to get my food for me.
I just can't help myself.
Where do prematurely born calves go to get care
If you ever get the chance to go to India
You have to try their New Delhi
My friend asked me to go to the store and get six cans of Sprite.
I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
Where do people go when they get hurt playing hide and seek?
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