Oops. Wrong sub.
The new Aquaman Pez dispenser looks like Jesus. A man was checking out, picked it up and said. Man: is this a Jesus Pez dispenser Me: no that’s Aquaman Man: Oh wow I guess all fish no loaves huh
Me: How do you make a milkshake?
Dad: Tell it a scary story!
Me: "Heh, Barrack Obamas initials are B. O."
Dad: "Wow, that stinks."
Because it’s capsized.
He felt your presents
[removed]
Because if they were boys and we’d call them uncles.
“Well, I guess now you really are… independent"
...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"
(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)
It’s just a mythunderstanding.
No yolk
"Because he's JOHN SEE NAH (No see)"
- my boomer dad who I thought he's asking a genuine question
A w-anchor.
That's a real leaf.
Me: shrugs “okay, Jen, you in the kitchen?”
So since it didn't go in the vein, it was in vain
Bereave you me.
When he tells people he always says he's "diabolic" before correcting himself. 15 years at least he's been saying it and it never gets old.
Catalogs...my nephew told me this one today and I genuinely chuckled a little.
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you 💖
I named it The Trail Mix.
Edit: I genuinely didn’t know this was a repost my dad told it to me and I thought it was worthy.
I guess we were raised defferently.
A propagator.
It was a lie of emission.
Expensive
An irrelephant...
Driving out of the parking lot:
Me: Oh look, it's Left Turn only. All-right.
This one got a hearty, genuine laugh. Does it still count as a 'dad joke'?
"Maybe a career as a tour guide isn't right for me?"
Technically a riddle not a joke but it's always amused me. My dad told me this well over 30 years ago.
"I asked you to paint a sign for my pub "The Dog And Duck" but you didn't leave enough space between "Dog" and "And" and "And" and "Duck.".
Wife: "Do you know Trevor Wang?"
My 9 year old son Xavier: "You mean Trevor Wong? Yeah, he's a trouble maker."
Wife: "Trevor? No he's not, he's a good kid."
Me: "I think Xavier's right and Trevor's Wong."
rimshot
I actually got a laugh. I'm gonna savor this time while my son still likes my dad jokes.
The approval rating of dad jokes in my household has fallen farther and harder than Hans off Nakatomi in my household of late. Not to be a big baby, but it's been really disheartening for me.
We all know our dad jokes can get tiring and annoying; that's part of the point. True masters carefully toe the line between just enough and too much, and to great effect. We do it because we genuinely want to bring joy to those around us with almost child-like mirth.
Not be able to share that with my family lately has been disappointing.
But coming to this sub warms my heart. So thank you to all of you here.
I am very grateful. #obligatoryset-up;)
I just got out of jail for shoplifting.
No punchline, my Dad genuinely doesn't tell me any jokes. But he does have a nickname for me...
