A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, β€œhere is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, β€œare you a vet?”

He said, β€œvet? I’m fucking soaking”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rohanlahiri05
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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I got dad-joked by my 2yr old

Today I was dad-joked by my 2 year old daughter. In our usual half conversation /half Monologue I said 'I'm freezing' and she replied 'hi freezing'. I'm raising such a dry witted little butt bag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nattynoonoo29
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
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I was hanging up laundry today...

My wife and I just moved in to an apartment with a washer, no dryer. So we hang our clothes on a line out the window.

She says "How are we going to dry them in winter?"

I say "We'll have to freeze-dry them."

Cue eye roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmperorSexy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
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