Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.

But they didn’t planet.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Poor Freddie
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Useful-Many
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Why did Freddie Mercury go to the chiropractor

His body was aching all the time

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wellsiv
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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It’s like Queen without Freddie.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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What size of bed did Freddie Mercury sleep in?

Queen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moralTortilla
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Freddie Mercury, you genius
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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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Freddie Sailor Mercury
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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Freddie Mercury
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fry_The_High
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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Freddie Mercury be like
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parth13579
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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Freddie Mercury does stand up comedy youtu.be/nFYOL9ypY_s
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GlobalTweaker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Why shouldn't you invite Freddie to decorate for Christmas?

He'll deck the halls with bowels of Holly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/w00tah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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Freddy the 13th.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I went for an interview. They said, β€œCan you perform under pressure?”

I said β€œI’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”

πŸ‘︎ 736
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LIS1050010
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Freddy Meowcury
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redplaidboots
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.

Must be the high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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What kind of gas does Freddy Krueger put in his car?

Nightmare fuel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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Freddy Meowcury 😸
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmotionallyPained
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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What did Freddy Mercury say about the new airline fee for checked bags?

Carry on, Carry on. Doesn’t really matter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tocath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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A friend of mine dreamed he had sex with Freddy Krueger

It was a real fucking nightmare!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KfirLA
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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[Told by my dad during his birthday larty] Who's Freddy Mercury's long lost brother?

Bruno Mars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/okamipiano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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A new study reveals that listening to a Queen album might be bad for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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Whats a ghost's favorite doughnut ?

A Freddy kruller

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/datdragonfruittho
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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If people named Friedrich go by Freddy for short, why don't people named Heinrich go by Heiny?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/typical83
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
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My dad tried to take the phone from me, saying he could get us a better deal on internet.. I hate this man, lol

He took the phone, and said, in the voice of Freddie Mercury, "Is this the wi-fi? Is this just fantasy?...Caught in a landline, we don't need AT&T.." and then passed the phone back. We already have AT&T, and I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH A FRIEND THAT DOES ACCOUNTING?, NOTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE CALLING OUR HOUSE. No more Crockpot broccoli and cheese soup using weed butter for him. Good god... I'm almost impressed. We also haven't had a landline in years. God bless this small dog weilding, vaping man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksniffer666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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It's a proud day

On the way home from daycare, my 5 year old (Freddie), my 2.5 year old (Timmy) and I had a short conversation. Timmy really likes it when everyone is happy, so he asks a lot.

Timmy: Are you happy daddy?

Me: Yeah, I'm happy.

Freddie: I'm happy Timmy!

Timmy: No! <Laughing> I'm happy Timmy! You're happy Freddie!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noggin01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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Doodle I drew in my spare time at work.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El-Rob75
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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I circumcise elephants for a living.

It doesn’t pay much but the tips are huge.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zortor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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A Farmer has three daughters and each has a date on the same night.

The farmer sits on his porch with his shotgun across his lap.

The first boy arrives and says, "Evening sir, my name is Freddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna eat spaghetti, is she ready?"

The farmer looks the boy over, and says "sure sure, go on in"

The second boy arrives, and says, "Howdy sir, my name is Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're gonna see the show, is she ready to go?"

The farmer looks down at his shotgun, then back at Joe, and says "sure sure, go on in, she's ready"

The third boy arrives, and says, "Good evening sir, my name is Chuck..." KER-BLAM!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamkeerock
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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What happens when Queen wants to eat curry?

Freddie Makecurry

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reloin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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What's a lumberjack's favorite beer?

Lager

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derwiki
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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What happens when you listen to too much Queen?

Freddie Mercury poisoning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-Chibi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
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I'm starting to become my dad's sense of humour

We we're in the car yesterday and he mentioned wanting to buy a CD by Queen. I asked him which one he would like and he said "he (Freddie Mercury) made a really good one before he died"

to which I replied "well.. aren't they all from before he died?"

"HA I GUESS THEY HAVE TO BE" he laughed

If the situation was reversed no way he wouldn't have answered the exact same thing. It was such a typical thing for my dad to say that I almost had a minor crisis

I'm only 21. And a female. And I'm already starting to become my dad

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matroiska
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
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Every time my dad tells this it gets just a little more elaborate. But this is how I remember it.

Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.

The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.

Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.

For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.

On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.

Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.

Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clearwind
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams walk into a bar

But they didn't planet

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Bruno Mars, Venus Williams, and Freddie Mercury walked into a bar...

but they didn't planet that way

πŸ‘︎ 293
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pats5lyfe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2016
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Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars into a bar...

...But they didn't planet that way.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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