I once had a faulty box of Corn Flakes so I called up Kellogg's customer services to see if they could help.

Unfortunately they weren't able to help me in the end as I wasn't able to find the box's cereal number.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I got banned from /r/DadJokes for submitting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

πŸ‘︎ 680
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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My daughter thinks it’s weird that I eat a bowl of corn flakes every single day for breakfast

But I don’t see what’s wrong with being a cereal monogamist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/K_Z_513
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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What did the eggs say to the corn flakes?

Why so cereals?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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How much does a corn flake weigh?

1 Kelloggram.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pabesh17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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Unc: "I'm not feeling so good....". Flakes away
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SenSyllable
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/starlight_slim
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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When I was apologising to my neighbor for being a flake

"It's okay, we love snow"

It actually made me feel a lot better.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scienceofthestars
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2016
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What do you call cereal that you hate?

Scorn Flakes

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MotherFokkerDR1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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The twelve days of Jokemas, day ten

What is a snowman's favorite cereal?

Frosted Flakes

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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What do funeral directors eat for breakfast?

Mourn flakes

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corbin125
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife changed our cereal from Cheerios to Frosties, and I only noticed this morning

I felt a little out of the loop on that one

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Egreaves14
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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What do you get if you fill a shampoo bottle with chocolate sauce?

Sham poo.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KlydesHail
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the bonito call the other bonito that cancelled plans?

A flake

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Bran Stark sits down for breakfast and suddenly decides he no longer wants to be king.

In other words, bran flakes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmbahcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins

It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SGNick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
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Aisle for Cereal Adulterers.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nordic person who never shows up on time?

A frosted flake

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omegaswepon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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TIL that deposits of hard dried skin are called corns

This means the layers of skin I pull off of those areas are corn flakes

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/basmith0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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Did you hear about the big snowstorm that hit the Canadian Prairies last week?

It's flake news!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdofras
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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At dinner tonight, I made the greatest original pun I’ve ever heard and it went unappreciated.

My dad almost choked on a small flake of pizza crust, and he spent several minutes coughing in a loud and alarming way.

Finally he stopped, and he was all better. Someone caused him to chuckle, which triggered another fit of coughing.

I said... β€œThat definitely didn’t go well; I think he had a β€˜re-laughse’!”

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iFunny_Migrant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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I like Game of Thrones...

Except that Bran, he such a flake

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyert
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I ordered some corn online to be delivered to my house. It never showed up. So I guess it's true...

Corn flakes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kitx07
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a friend named dandruff...

No matter what we're plan, he always flakes

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Here s a list of Adult Cereals

50 shades of grain

porn flakes

rice frisky

weeniabix

captain munch

special D

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keney001
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Never make doctors appointments with a croissant

They'll always flake out on you

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did it take so long to catch the cereal killer?

Because of corn flaking evidence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devcon4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Coworkers talking about new windows

Couple of my coworkers were talking about new windows one of them were putting in. As I'm walking to my office, I overhead them saying how the new windows are frosted and look really nice.

Me (interrupting them): Yeah, some of our windows are frosted too. But it's weird because in the winter time, they flake quite a bit for some reason.

Coworker 1: Flake? What do you mean?

Me: Yeah it's weird. My frosted window flakes all the time.

Coworker 2: OMG laughter

A few minutes pass as I grab some lunch and head back to my office.

Coworker 2: Anything else about your windows you'd like to tell us?

Me (after a brief pause): They're grrrrrrrrrrreat!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuclfusion4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the snowman eat for breakfast?

Frosted Flakes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mustachereviews
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
🚨︎ report
My friends stopped asking me to hangout after I got sunburn

They said I kept flaking on them

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
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We had fish and chips the other night for dinner.

I bit into a piece of Flake and told my dad he better run because there's a man eating shark in the loungeroom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flanky_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Wife told me my forehead had peeling skin

My wife sits on my lap, looks at my face for a few seconds, then picks at my forehead and tells me I'm peeling.

wife: You're peeling.

me: a?

w: what? your forehead is peeling.

m: a?

w: 'a' what?

m: a?

w: huh?

m: just one spot?

w: well just one spot, but several flakes

m: so just one spot?

w: yeah

m: so, a?

w: ...

m: a?

w: what are you trying to tell me?

m: you find me appealing?

Wife gets up

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sdb3001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Got this gem from my dad this morning.

"If I take the last in the box of Corn Flakes and finish off the rest of the Corn Pops in one meal, does that make me a cereal killer?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudeitsikeman116
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Here's a long one, it won't disappoint.

My dad's favorite joke of all time (there are many variations, and of course, even more extended versions):

These three guys went to South America to explore the rain forest. The guide was leading them through explaining the different plants and animals. After awhile they started to hear this really loud sound.

whoosh

whoosh

whoosh

The men, kind of scared, asked the guide what the noise was.

"What the hell is that noise?"

"Oh, that's just the Foo bird."

"The Foo bird?"

"Yes, it's a giant bird, and the locals believe that if it poops on you, wiping it off will cause instant death."

"That's silly."

"Well, that's what the locals say."

The noise gets louder and closer.

WHOOSH

WHOOSH

WHOOSH

The men look up in the sky and see a glimpse of the Foo bird.

"It's huge!"

Suddenly...

SPLAT

All four of the men are covered with bird shit. The guide pulls a cloth out of his pocket and wipes the shit off of his face. He drops dead.

The first of the three men says, "that's got to be a coincidence."

He wipes the shit off, and drops dead.

The second guy nervously says, "it can't be true"

He wipes it off and drops dead.

The third guy doesn't wipe it off. He was found a few days later, and went home, refusing to be cleaned.

A few years pass, his life has been destroyed due to being covered in shit. His wife left him, his friends won't come near him, he can't find a job... One day, he's in the bathroom shaving around the shit.

"It's been years, most of it has flaked off, it's probably fine to wipe it off now."

He hesitates, but eventually grabs a towel, wets it down, and takes a deep breath.

He wipes the shit off, looks up into the mirror smiling, then drops dead.

The moral of the story is:

If the Foo shits, wear it.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fire_marshall_ill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2013
🚨︎ report
My friend's dad's Facebook posts are golden

*Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston.

*Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

*Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

*What do you call a cow who gives no milk? ...A milk dud (or an udder failure)

*There was a terrible fight reported in our local shopping center. It just so happened that a news reporter from one of our local stations was there to record the entire episode. It was an altercation between a prominent dentist and a manicurist. Their disagreement escalated to the point that they wound up fighting each other tooth and nail.

*The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

*I recently saw a theatrical performance on puns... turned out, it was just a play on words!

*Have you ever tried watching a magician with an anger management problem? Every time he gets mad, he pulls his hare out!

*If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable? -Just wondering

*Harvard has long been known for its championship Rowing team – until this year. They had their first ever indecisive rower... he couldn’t choose either oar.

*I found an excellent seamstress who is so enthusiastic about her work that she's happy to make a pair of pants for you …or at least sew its seams.

*No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

*I bought a new weed whacker yesterday & it is cutting-hedge technology!

*Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.

*I read about a recent fire at the circus. The heat was in tents.

*I was saddened to hear that our local bakery was going out of business. They said they had decided to stop making donuts after they got tired of the hole thing.

*I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

*Why do seagulls fly over the sea? …Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!!

*I wonder if their manure spreader is the only equipment John Deere won't stand behind.

*I saw a very emotional wedding recently... even the cake was in tiers!

*I'm glad I'm not a cross-eyed teacher... otherwise I'd find it too difficult to control my pupils!

*What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window? ...Snow and Tell

*I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

*The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

*What kind of math do Snowy Owls like? …Owlgebra

*What

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwildcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
🚨︎ report
Tarragon

I was asking my wife the ingredients to the chicken she made for dinner. She started listing ingredients "honey dijon mustard, soy sauce, tarragon, ginger, red pepper flakes.." I stopped her and asked "do we have any more tarragon?". Saddened, she replied "no I threw it all away." I then cracked a smirk knowing my set up worked completely as planned and said "so, now it's all... tarra-gone?" I burst into laughter. My wife said the only thing she ever says to me after I tell her one of my brilliant jokes.. "I hate you.".. brings joy to my heart every time I hear it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucky5150
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad had a joke ready for the upcoming snow storm

My dad and I were driving when he abruptly stopped the story he was telling to tell this joke:

"What do snowmen eat for breakfast?"

"Uh, I don't know dad."

"Frosted Flakes!"

Laughter was forced.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zorgtron
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2014
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Dadjoked my kid, it's the first pun he understood.

He wanted kelp flakes on his pasta (don't ask). I said "I don't have the shaker, ask mom to kelp you."

He immediately got a big grin on his face, just as mom rolled her eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SednaBoo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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I over did my corn flakes...

Now I have popcorn flakes.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Starnes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report

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