They forgot the punchline
“...cereal killer.”
I dont get the punchline but he's smiling
Guess they were fighting tooth and nail over it.
They were terrible boxers
The son said "I think we need to start growing something other than just wheat" and started naming fruits and vegetables.
"I think you're right, kiddo" said the man.
He went over to one of the haybales and started grabbing fistfuls of it. He spread it out and then started covering it with dirt.
"Dad, what are you doing?" asked the son, confused.
"I'm making straw-buries".
Socket in the jaw
Dinners on me Edit: sry adopt the typo
"Son, violins is not the answer".
British Pounds
I guess you could say the finish line was also the punchline.
Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD!
Me: clenches fist
Wife: don’t you dare
Me: face turns red
Wife: ........
Me: hi Gay, I’m dad.
Who's on the phone dad?
After he explodes his hand I look down at my still clenched fist. I slowly raise it near my ear confused and shake it. I then explode it in my face almost knocking me off me feet. I look at him sternly and say, "You could have killed me."
A Conversation I had with my Daughter when I dropped her off at school
Me: Hey so you know how your cats are always running around all over the place right?
Daughter: Yeah why?
Me: So When they stop moving are they on Paws?
Daughter: Face Palms and says "OKAY DAD BYEEE!!!"
Me: YESSSS! Fist Pump!
Call it “Knight Wing”.
*My actual dad made that joke today.
That 80 is the french equivalent of 420
I said "well, she just dropped it, so I'm gonna guess it's floor dollars."
My daughter actually gave me a fist bump for that one, which she now denies doing.
Imagine all the people.
Because it is a lighter punch.
Marriage is a 3 ring circus, fist comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, after that comes the suffering.
So my wisdom teeth have been coming in lately and my dad hit my mom with this one.
Dad: Yeah I've never had any wisdom teeth
Mom: Huh?!
Me: Some people don't get their wisdo-
Dad: ALL MY TEETH WERE STUPID TEETH!
While grinning like a maniac while my mom groaned.
I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."
Went to McDonald's with some fellow students after TAFE was finished for the day (for those who don't know what TAFE is, I guess the most similar thing would be community college?), and somehow one of the girls ended getting crumbs on her hat: "How did they get there?!" "I guess it's just a crummy hat."
It hurts not being able to see my real ladder anymore.
Edit: Hopefully this will climb to the top for today.
Actual Edit: the first edit wasn't an edit, it was in the original post. I called my shot. fist pump
It's a feetal abnormality.
Fist thing’s fist
Because they lactose
Waiter: What'll it be guys?
Her: I'll have the apple
Me: gritted teeth I guess I'll have the bees then..
Waiter: Okay sir, how would you like them?
me: clenches fist
Chef: HE PICKED THE BEES!! angrily shakes jar of bees
I was sitting at a moderately crowded bar last night enjoying dinner when an older couple came up and sat next to me. We exchanged hellos and I continued eating my jambalaya. After a bit, the husband finally knew what he wanted to drink.
Husband: "Do you have (so and so) beer?"
Bartender: "Hang on a sec, I'll check."
As the bartender walked away, the husband held both of his arms in the air, closing his hands into fists right above his head, a la Steve Holt. After about 30 seconds, and you could tell she really didn't want to, the wife asks what he's doing.
Wife: "Honey, why are your arms in the air?"
Husband: "I'm hanging on."
The wife rolls her eyes and I laugh inappropriately loudly. He grins.
So at this point, the joke has been made. It's over. But no! He's in it for the long haul. He kept his arms in the air for a solid 3 more minutes, just so the bartender could get in on the joke. She returns with his bottle of beer.
Husband: "Can I stop hanging on now?"
Bartender groans.
Wife: "Yes, please."
I admire his dedication. And his taste in beer.
Mum: looks at dad
Dad: clenches fist and sweats
Mum: No, don-
Dad: HI GAY I'M DAD
Mom: Stares at Dad
Dad: Clenches fist
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad: Sweats Profusely
Mom: "..."
Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
Son: "No dad, I'm serious!"
Dad: "You're serious? I thought you were Gay!"
Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"
Mom: *staring at dad
Dad: ...*clenches fists
Mom: ...don't!
Dad: *sweats profusely
Mom:
Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD
Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay"
Mom: *staring at dad
Dad: ...*clenches fists
Mom: ...don't!
Dad: *sweats profusely
Mom:
Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD
Kudos to @Lerky on Twitter
Mom:stares at dad Dad:clenching his fist Mom:Don’t you dare! Dad:HI GAY, IM DAD!
Dad: clenches fist
Mom: DON’T
Dad: sweats profusely
Mom: ...
Dad: HI GAY I’M DAD
Son: Mum, Dad... Im gay. Mum: Looks at dad astonished. Dad: Clenches Fist. Mum: Dont think about it. Dad: Hi gay, Im Dad.
