Shop assistant fought off armed robber with his labeling gun.
Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.
I told my doctor I thought my arm was broken, in several places.
He said "Well, you should probably avoid those places in the future."
A mime broke his left arm in a bar fight and got arrested,
He still has the right to remain silent.
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
Did you hear about the no-armed man who entered the masturbation contest?
Poor guy didn’t come anywhere.
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
My chair is missing an arm and a leg
And that doesn't sit well with me.
What do you call a guy who just had his arm torn off?
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium
We had to fetch a sturgeon.
Armed robbers
You've got to hand it to them.
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the ocean??
My dad saw an ad for game with heavily armed animals. He asked me what they gave the naked mole rats.
I told him stealth gear and a go bag. He is an exposed double agent.
When my wife and I started dating, I took her on a date that cost an arm and a leg.
I guess you could say I went out on a limb for her.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a ditch?
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
Why do companies prefer people with only one arm instead of people with both arms?
Because people with only one arm can do everything single-handedly
Have you heard the one about your arm bone?
What do you call an eight-armed Vulcan?
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm...
Man: Do you do fishcakes?
Fishmonger: no, I'm afraid not, sorry.
Man: Ah, that's a shame - it's his birthday today
I mean a deaf person with one arm the other day...
The conversation was pretty one-sided.
A man with a broken arm made a joke. Everyone started laughing. He was...
I got in a car wreck and lost my left arm, but don’t worry...
I’m all right.
buh-dum-tsss
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
It's the little things that count (also a T-rex's arms)
https://www.instagram.com/standup.trex/
https://preview.redd.it/9449vyyyj4f61.png?width=620&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f5d46a86d95447af0958da58a8583a00398e36f
Where did the one armed man go
What happens when you get two more lower arms?
Watching the Superbowl and they mentioned Brady has a good arm.
Bet he could really throw a Tom ato
A ate a burger from a 1-armed chef.
He said it was a handburger.
A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.
She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.
Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"
Did you hear about the guy that walked into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm?
He asked the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
Saw an old man jumping around and waving his arms to get his neighbor’s attention.
He must’ve been at deaf’s door.
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off
Then you will de-feet him
I told my chair to put its arms up.
I found some cushion its pocket.
What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs standing in the windowsill?
My brother broke his arm at the aquarium
We had to fetch a sturgeon.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
What do you call s man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
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