It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snidawgg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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this pun fills me with gelt
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/junkyardjohnwest
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Batman: β€œAlfred, please fill up the bathtub”

Alfred: β€œSir? What’s a htub ”

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterPrize
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How many bottles of each perfume will it take to completely fill one shelf?

100%

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arc-ion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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I recently hired a guy to fill some stuff in for me

Filler filler filler filler filler filler

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imkindaspiffy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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So my wife is getting some medical tests done (we’re expecting our second child) and had to bring home a urine sample cup to fill up and bring back to the clinic the next day.

She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, β€œwhere do I drop it off?”

She says, β€œGo in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -β€œ

β€œDon’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”

... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gorhckmn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?

Ten ants.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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As a globe restorer, I never turn down projects where I have to fill in missing countries or islands. But missing equators?

That’s when I draw the line.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CorbanzoBean69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Mom complained when I asked for a few dollars in quarters to fill up my car’s tires.

Dad looked at me, shrugged and said β€œInflation.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjlet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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What do you get if you fill a shampoo bottle with chocolate sauce?

Sham poo.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KlydesHail
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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What do Mike and Sulley fill their pens with?

Monsters Ink

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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I had to fill in several post holes yesterday.

I didn’t want them to make offense.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.

He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.

The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? Β£50, that is all."

The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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I hate having to keep going to the kitchen to fill my glass of water. /r/Jokes/comments/hzvbvc/…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Cut the potatoes into penis shapes and fill your boat with them. Now you are the captain of a ...

Dictatorship.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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The decision for a liquid to fill the shape of whatever container they are in is...

InVOLUMEtary

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minzato
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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My inflatable dock burst after my friends kept telling me to fill it with more air.

Too much pier pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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Stan Lee says go forth and fill the void
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D4FF00
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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The teacher asked, "what does the nose fill with?" Jimmy answered, "boogers."

The teacher replied, "good but that's snot the answer I was looking for."

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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The graveyard has started to fill up

People are literally dying to get inside

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cabthedino
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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What do you get when you dig a hole in the ground and fill it with denim?

A jean pool

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Payasin70
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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Why did the man fill his attic up with Helium?

He wanted a light house

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brewdaddy01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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Big shoes to fill
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiisanSein
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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Why would anyone fill a box with 2000 tiny pieces of cardboard.

I'm puzzled.

πŸ‘︎ 162
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says β€œregular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks β€œfill?” my dad replies

β€œNo, Fred, nice to meet you”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDreidel82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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We were on a road trip and stopped to fill up

Everyone got out to pee and get snacks. I stretched getting out of the car and I farted. My 16yo daughter said, "Dad, that's gross."

I said, "Why? After all we are at the GAS station."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoetted
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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Today my mom turns 53, and it's tradition that my dad fills the kitchen with posters before she wakes up, wishing her a happy birthday. This year's were some of his worst (best) work.

http://imgur.com/a/1qKYz

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hhjrxymos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
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We get to foster a shelter dog for a while to fill the place of our beloved late dog.

We'll just call it a subwoofer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_hardeeharhar_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.

They said I was being too shellfish.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/txredwolf11
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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I really have a thing for dumb girls. Just met one who can't fill out multiple choices surveys

She ticks all the boxes

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bermobaron
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
when i relize lays doesnt fill their bags all the way

I start to think they're Lays-y

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FireDragons52
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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I dared a guy to fill up his piggy bank with one penny every year for one hundred years.

He said he wouldn’t do it.

Cause it would take a cent-ury.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/x3astu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to fill up my car's wheels today, but was shocked it was twice as expensive!

Inflation prices are getting out of hand.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyrus9898
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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[need help] I have to host a fake wedding and I wanna fill my sermon with as much puns as possible

I think I'll start with "What is love? Baby don't hurt me", but then I have to say "we're gathered here today, ect.." and finish with "you may now kiss the bride",

It'll last about 1 minute, and I wanna really embarrass them. Any ideas?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TBSdota
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I noticed the other day that you now have to pay to fill your tires with air at a gas station.

I blame inflation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AgonistX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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When your friend fill his pants with bread gfycat.com/FarAltruisticC…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TGF_messiah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a water dispenser that only fills the glass half full?

An optimist prime

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/3HeadedBitch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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I was never able to spell well, so this one is mine. He shall be named Fill, and he shall be mine. imgur.com/PDxyta8
πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FiggyFigster
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2015
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Fill a bottle with concrete and then take the plastic off so you have a concrete bottle

It’s pretty useless but at least it’s a concrete idea

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheap_Smarties
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I've been letting my mustache fill out lately and I must say...

it's growing on me.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pswii360i
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
🚨︎ report
A Frenchman was frustrated after digging a deep hole only to have it fill with water.

"Eau well!" he exclaimed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mayo_Spouse
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
🚨︎ report
It used to be free to fill your car tire up with air. Now it coasts 1.50. You know why?

Inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoshForce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How many ants does it take to fill an entire apartment?

Tenants

πŸ‘︎ 186
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edotri
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
It used to be free to fill your car tire up with air. Now it costs 1.50.

Inflation...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?

Tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wilgrove
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
🚨︎ report
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?

tenants

πŸ‘︎ 213
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yungsad
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2016
🚨︎ report

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