Fantast Puns

They were discussing an advent calendar which had angered people because the part of Baby Jesus was played by a sausage.

One of the panelists, I think Mo Rocca, quipped that people were frank-incensed.

Would you guys be willing to please give me some fantastic puns/dad jokes for the delivery room to make the occasion extra memorable? Thanks in advance.

1080P

Sign language

Even our cake was in tiers.

Most crows just drank at home

He's married.

Because it was soda-pressing.

Yourewelcomegiving

Because they drank it

A: Fantastic Beats and Where to Find Them.

It's fantastic!

He says it's Fantastic

Way better than fatherhat, and it covers your ears!

The cow told me to live in the moo-ment.

This isn't my joke, I just thought it deserves to be on r/puns

There was a race horse named Pat, who was one of the greatest race horses to ever live. He set records that were near impossible to beat. After a long time of racing, he retired to an old stable with some old friends. They were very happy that he retired there to stay with him, and congratulated him on all of his records that he set.

Once Pat retired, he started keeping track of all the up and coming horses that were winning a lot. There was a race horse named Charlie that was doing really great and winning all his races. Pat saw this horse and watched him race. Charlie started to break all of Pat’s records and Pat was a little upset with this.

After a while, Charlie decided to retire after an extremely successful career in racing. By chance, Charlie decided to retire at the same stable that Pat retired in. When Charlie entered the stable, everyone went up to him to congratulate him on his records and wins. Pat went up to Charlie and said, “Hey Charlie congratulations on all of your wins! You broke a lot of my records and I was very impressed.” Charlie responds, “go away old man, I’m better than you ever were.” Pat was blown away by his response. He galloped away from Charlie with defeat.

After a while of thinking, Pat decides to challenge Charlie to a race. Charlie agreed to it and wanted to race right away. He said “We will race to the tree over there and turn around and come back and whoever gets there first will be the winner.” Pat was still healthy but he needed a few weeks to get his legs back into shape for the race. Charlie gives Pat 2 weeks to get ready.

After 2 weeks pass, they are ready to race. “Hey Pat, before we race I want to warn you that I win my races by passing them by the end. So don’t get all cocky and think you are going to win.” Charlie says. Pat thanks him for the warning and they start getting set to race.

The gun sounds and they are off to race. Pat starts out in front, and nears the finish. Out of know where, Charlie zooms ahead of Pat and wins the race.

Pat was very disappointed in his loss, but congratulated Charlie anyways. A dog comes up to them and says, “Wow, that was a fantastic race! Neither of you should be upset with that. You both were so great!” Charlie looks to Pat and Pat looks to Charlie. They are astonished. Charlie says, “Say that again! Say it again!” The dog says a little confused, “Well I just said that you both were so great out there.” Pat says, “Charlie! It’s a talking dog!”

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".

It was either to have an enormous penis or a fantastic memory, if only I could recall my response

When it was clear his dad wasn't in sitting, he went to the window and saw his dad...

Was outstanding

Their reception was fantastic.

It would be my Fanta sea.

Mum says to her loving husband: Am i the only one you’ve ever been with Loving Husband: Of course darling. The others were all nines and tens!

It was ENLIGHTENED

The Thing is made of rocks.

She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'

I had to go to court and was wearing a suit and tie. My 10 year old daughter thought this was fantastic for dress up was very interested. I took this as a teachable moment and wanted to tell her about showing respect for your personal appearance and showing up professionally. So I asked her, do you know why I dressed like this? She said to be professional. I said I want to show that I respect myself and I have respect for the court so I dressed accordingly. She laughed and said, "You mean you dressed acourtingly."

tl;dr

Daughter dad joked me about wearing a suit about dressing accourtingly

The ceremony wasn’t bad, but the reception was fantastic!

The wedding was ok, but the reception was fantastic!

I think it was a good ovum.

They press paws.

(My kids gave this joke zero stars but my dogs think it’s fantastic)

They usually have fantastic tales.

“We use 3 cans of water to distract it.”

“What?”

“Ya it should lose focus soon enough.”

the eye rolls from my partner were fantastic.

This happened tonight. We were talking about “concentrate” because they read me silly jokes from their school milk cartons like “why does X stare at the can of OJ? Because it says ‘concentrate’.” So we were talking about what the word meant.

Fantastic returns policy.

It’s fantastic! Although sadly it’s just a bunch of ruff cuts.

Dad: You have good eyesight !

I know it’s bad

He's never gonna give you Up

... I'll raise you

PS: Happy Mother's Day.... Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!