They were discussing an advent calendar which had angered people because the part of Baby Jesus was played by a sausage.
One of the panelists, I think Mo Rocca, quipped that people were frank-incensed.
Would you guys be willing to please give me some fantastic puns/dad jokes for the delivery room to make the occasion extra memorable? Thanks in advance.
It was quite a good red herring.
Even our cake was in tiers.
He's married.
Yourewelcomegiving
Because it was soda-pressing.
Because they drank it
He says it's Fantastic
It's fantastic!
Way better than fatherhat, and it covers your ears!
There was a race horse named Pat, who was one of the greatest race horses to ever live. He set records that were near impossible to beat. After a long time of racing, he retired to an old stable with some old friends. They were very happy that he retired there to stay with him, and congratulated him on all of his records that he set.
Once Pat retired, he started keeping track of all the up and coming horses that were winning a lot. There was a race horse named Charlie that was doing really great and winning all his races. Pat saw this horse and watched him race. Charlie started to break all of Patβs records and Pat was a little upset with this.
After a while, Charlie decided to retire after an extremely successful career in racing. By chance, Charlie decided to retire at the same stable that Pat retired in. When Charlie entered the stable, everyone went up to him to congratulate him on his records and wins. Pat went up to Charlie and said, βHey Charlie congratulations on all of your wins! You broke a lot of my records and I was very impressed.β Charlie responds, βgo away old man, Iβm better than you ever were.β Pat was blown away by his response. He galloped away from Charlie with defeat.
After a while of thinking, Pat decides to challenge Charlie to a race. Charlie agreed to it and wanted to race right away. He said βWe will race to the tree over there and turn around and come back and whoever gets there first will be the winner.β Pat was still healthy but he needed a few weeks to get his legs back into shape for the race. Charlie gives Pat 2 weeks to get ready.
After 2 weeks pass, they are ready to race. βHey Pat, before we race I want to warn you that I win my races by passing them by the end. So donβt get all cocky and think you are going to win.β Charlie says. Pat thanks him for the warning and they start getting set to race.
The gun sounds and they are off to race. Pat starts out in front, and nears the finish. Out of know where, Charlie zooms ahead of Pat and wins the race.
Pat was very disappointed in his loss, but congratulated Charlie anyways. A dog comes up to them and says, βWow, that was a fantastic race! Neither of you should be upset with that. You both were so great!β Charlie looks to Pat and Pat looks to Charlie. They are astonished. Charlie says, βSay that again! Say it again!β The dog says a little confused, βWell I just said that you both were so great out there.β Pat says, βCharlie! Itβs a talking dog!β
The cow told me to live in the moo-ment.
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".
It was either to have an enormous penis or a fantastic memory, if only I could recall my response
This isn't my joke, I just thought it deserves to be on r/puns
Their reception was fantastic.
She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'
It would be my Fanta sea.
I had to go to court and was wearing a suit and tie. My 10 year old daughter thought this was fantastic for dress up was very interested. I took this as a teachable moment and wanted to tell her about showing respect for your personal appearance and showing up professionally. So I asked her, do you know why I dressed like this? She said to be professional. I said I want to show that I respect myself and I have respect for the court so I dressed accordingly. She laughed and said, "You mean you dressed acourtingly."
tl;dr
Daughter dad joked me about wearing a suit about dressing accourtingly
When it was clear his dad wasn't in sitting, he went to the window and saw his dad...
Was outstanding
Mum says to her loving husband: Am i the only one youβve ever been with Loving Husband: Of course darling. The others were all nines and tens!
The ceremony wasnβt bad, but the reception was fantastic!
The wedding was ok, but the reception was fantastic!
It was ENLIGHTENED
The Thing is made of rocks.
They press paws.
(My kids gave this joke zero stars but my dogs think itβs fantastic)
They usually have fantastic tales.
βWe use 3 cans of water to distract it.β
βWhat?β
βYa it should lose focus soon enough.β
the eye rolls from my partner were fantastic.
This happened tonight. We were talking about βconcentrateβ because they read me silly jokes from their school milk cartons like βwhy does X stare at the can of OJ? Because it says βconcentrateβ.β So we were talking about what the word meant.
Fantastic returns policy.
I think it was a good ovum.
Itβs fantastic! Although sadly itβs just a bunch of ruff cuts.
Dad: You have good eyesight !
I know itβs bad
He's never gonna give you Up
... I'll raise you
PS: Happy Mother's Day.... Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!
Had fantastic seats. We were assigned them.
