My brother and I are trying to come up with an extensive list of vegetable related puns

Lettuce know if you have any

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainkrinking
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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Me: look, they’re building an extension to the Wawa

Actual joke my dad made while driving past the construction of the building extension: β€œguess it’s a Wawawa”

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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My power walk was cut short today

I ran out of extension cord

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a-nony-mouse33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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I came up with a new invention

But nobody wanted to buy my cordless extension cords.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jHugley328
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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How does someone learn to pass gas?

Through extensive and persistent tootelage.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbstryker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive Vocabulary?

A thesaurus

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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Did you hear the scandal about Elon Musk's penile extension surgery?

They're calling it ElonGate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OatsNraisin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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I love the fleeting second of shock you get when you stumble over an extension cord.

Seriously, what a power trip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediWithBenefits
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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I tried picking up this girl today by sharing my extensive knowledge of the Titanic, but she wasn't impressed.

I guess you could say it wasn't a very effective ice breaker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godredd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

It's thesaurus...

(idk who did this, someone just told me this lmao)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodinmycoffee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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Why do electricians make good music ?

They always have an extension chord

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Did you know it's illegal for the president to use an extension cord?

That'd be an overreach of his power.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kasegauner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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I bought hair extensions and paid the barber with venison.

That's a bang for my buck

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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The encyclopedia article about Calvary has a lot of footnotes

You can say it is extensively cross referenced.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_brown_clown
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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I have an extensive seashell collection...

I keep it on beaches throughout the world.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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Son, I gotta tell ya, I've done some deep thinking and I've realized it's high time I quit my job and finally pursue my dream. I'm going to open a museum that commemorates the extensive and fascinating history of beverages.

I'm calling it The Gluggenheim

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wstopak
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
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(UK) A B-road walks into a bar.

The B-road starts bragging extensively about his status as a B-road. The bar staff and patrons aren't impressed.

Then, an A-road struts in. The A-road immediately starts criticising the B-road, whilst also bragging about his own status. The two get into a big argument, and the patrons are starting to get riled up.

Then, a motorway barges his way into the bar, and starts boasting that he is better than the A-road and B-road combined. The argument escalates, and some customers grab their belongings, preparing to leave.

And then, a solid white line walks into the bar.

The whole bar falls silent. The argument stops dead in its tracks, and the three roads immediately disperse, avoiding eye contact with the new customer.

The solid white line goes up to the bar, orders a drink, and consumes it slowly. The bar is still silent. As soon as he is finished, the solid white line turns and leaves the bar without a word. The three roads breathe a sigh of relief.

The barman is astounded. "What the hell was that about?!" he exclaims.

"We don't mess with him" mutters the motorway.

"Why not?"

"He's a cycle path".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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What do you call the verses added to a song to make it longer?

Extension chords

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHomeOwnerdotcom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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I had neurosurgery in May. I wonder how long he was planning this... imgur.com/8E4ICUk
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjr861
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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My girlfriend told me to heat up the chilli in the fridge for dinner.

I asked if I wasn't better off heating up the chilli in the microwave. No response.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonnyBhoy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2014
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Got my gf at the gym

My lady and I workout together during the week. Yesterday was chest day and we usually start with incline DB press. She pumps out her second set very well: controlled reps, full range of motion. I was proud to see her progress. She said the weight felt easy, to which I replied, "you could increase the weight... if you were so inclined." She muttered "oh my goodness..." and walked away.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hu_lee_oh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
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My 7 year old wasn't up to speed on this one...

While I was putting away the lawnmower right as the sun was setting.

"Daddy, good thing you mowed fast, or it would be dark!"

"That's right honey, I never could have finished if I moved in slow-mow"

My wife threw a tomato at me from the garden.

πŸ‘︎ 792
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skittlebrau46
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2014
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What do musicians use to play longer notes?

An extension chord!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cornbread_curfew
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2016
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Not a joke, but dad humor nonetheless

I just got up to take a piss (at two in the morning, mind you), and farted while I was peeing. Lo and behold, from across the house, I hear an audible "Ha!" Thanks, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapgrasX13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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Texted my family a post on the front page and my dad shot back with this. Should have seen it coming
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curly_Q
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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My son might be too young to get it, but I still chuckled

My son is almost 2 and he likes to say goodbye to absolutely everything. We were watching airplanes fly by and this happened:

Son: Bye, plane!

Me: That's not a biplane!

πŸ‘︎ 576
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twinklebeans
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
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Great list of excellent puns

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crΓͺpes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop

any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd

never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians in America first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she

couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A theasaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The

police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

My friend sent me these puns idk source just thought you would enjoy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benschweiz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2016
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Who broke /r/dadjokes?

Things seem to be changing from a culture of dad jokes being jokes that BOTH make you groan or laugh, to "they have to make you laugh." The point of dad jokes is that it's the sort of joke your dad would make, not that it's a always funny joke. Part of the joy is that a lot of dad jokes are groaners.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ianhan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
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Dad joked my gf!

While joking with her at dinner she called me mean. I replied "at least I'm average."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshvJericho
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
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Jokes for driving by the beauty school

Each time we drive by the beauty school I attempt a dad joke. Here are some of my favorites.

I wonder how often they use highlighters in their coursework.

Do you think they have extension courses?

Students are dying to get out of there.

Does every teacher allow makeup work?

You know, they're doing the opposite of filing for unemployment.

I wonder how often they change the locks in there?

Do you think cutting class is a requirement?

Does each student have a permanent record?

Do my puns make you want to curl up and dye?

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kentuckeyken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2017
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Every Road Trip

6 Year old: Where are we?

Me (Dad): In the car.

Extension of the joke (Kid trying to be smart)

6 Year old: Where is the car?

Me (Dad): On the road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anarcist69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2015
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The Rolling Stones were a fantastic band...

...but few people realize that when they weren't on tour they had a side job as muscologists.

They had an extensive collection of mosses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vandorbelt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
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My Dads always giving the the Ice Cream scooper a hard time.

He always complains when they don't know the difference between jimmies and sprinkles. But I can't blame him he did do extensive ice cream research in Sunday School.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dirty_dand
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2017
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I was in a hardware store earlier.

Me: I'm looking for extension cables.

Assistant shows me where they are: How long do you need?

Me: oh it shouldn't take me a minute to decide.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEZTURNER
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2014
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Dad joked while cleaning out the basement:

My brother and I were helping my dad clean out the basement when my brother found an interesting extension cord.

Brother: "Hey, this extension cord has two male ends!" Dad: "Huh, well that's queer."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SalivatingMoron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2014
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Dept. director during mandatory staff meeting

Happened during a reading of an extensive legal clause, containing several 'or this ..., or that ...' statements. The entire department is listening intently, ensuring nothing is missed.

When the speaker quietly chuckles about the 'or' multitude after finally reaching the end of the clause, the director speaks up: "Wow, that sentence should be mined!"

Groans around the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D-Dad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
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"Dad, are there electric eels in the lake?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Do you see any extension cords?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vladicuss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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Getting incessantly dadjoked by my female boss.

I'm at work today. In my job, I share an office with two other people, and my boss has another office down the hallway.

Currently, all three of us underlings are in the front office. We all are named Josh. For the last two hours, my boss has been calling the front office from her extension and saying, "Bring me the one they call Josh! Is Josh there?!" Then she laughs maniacally and hangs up. This repeats about every five to ten minutes.

I don't know how to make it stop. Please help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FerdThePenguinGuy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2014
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Why do electricians make good music ?

They always have an extension chord

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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from the ask reddit thread on lame jokes.
  • I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
  • When chemists die, they barium.
  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  • A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  • I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
  • How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  • They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
  • This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  • I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
  • A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.
  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  • What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
  • I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
  • Broken pencils are pointless.
  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  • I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
  • I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  • Velcro - what a rip off!
  • Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cffff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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Pun overload!

My Dad sent me this list of punny sayings last Christmas. It explains a lot...

Punny sayings!

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.

Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gibbens15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
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These were in an email forwarded to me from family. Bless their heart.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, apparently they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off !

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Floofing_Warlock
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Punographic dad jokes

In true Dad joke fashion, my father emailed me this list of puns

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
Β· When chemists die, they barium. Β· Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
Β· A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Β· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
Β· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Β· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Β· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
Β· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
Β· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .
Β· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
Β· PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
Β· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Β· A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Β· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Β· What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
Β· I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Β· Broken pencils are pointless.
Β· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Β· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
Β· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Β· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
Β· All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
Β· I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Β· Velcro - what a rip off!
Β· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zjp_716
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2014
🚨︎ report

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