Expecter Puns

It really came out of the purple.

"Finally," she said when I arrived, "you're late."

So, I have to go to all the charity shops and get her clothes back.

sǝʞoɾpɐp/ɹ

She packed up her bags and right.

I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.

Wife: Sweet! How much are we talking??

Husband: Well it is normally $1000, but this time I got $1000.02!!!!!!!

Wife: ...thats not that great.

Husband: Well I think it is, but that’s just my two cents.

But then, hindsight is 2020.

Now, I have spring rolls.

They're always dropping the ball.

Because they are extinct

A hammer.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

Well yeah, idk what you expected to find here...

Joke: >!　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　!<

Are we really expected to work 24/7?

A radius.

"I have no son"

"Thanks for supporting me"

I'm sure this has been done but it got a chuckle out of me

Edit wow, I wasn't expecting an award. Thank you kind stranger!

I sent her this

She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, “where do I drop it off?”

She says, “Go in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -“

“Don’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”

... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!

Son; “Go on, then.”

Dad growls; “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”

Son; “That’s Superman.”

Dad; “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

It was a flop.

There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."

His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"

"Okay son, go ahead."

The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."

His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"

The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."

Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.

"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want

The same is true for clocks.

(PSA: Remember to correct yours tonight, as applicable.)

It was a Spanish ink-wiz-isition.

Noble gases have no reaction.

Spooketti Boolognese.

Robin get in the car.

I felt like a right idiot sitting in a bar wearing nothing but a diaper.

He was too far out, man.

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Edit: Thank you for the awards.

I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!

But I can Samurais

No change is expected

I have a blackbelt in partial arts

I put it on, expecting relaxing ambient sounds like cicadas and such, but all I got was a droning buzz. That's when I realized that I was playing the bee side.

Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.

A quarterback.

...the deep ones are also called the many-anglered ones, after all ;)