He really lost his mind.
Yeah he just left him hanging
Uncle was showing me the new laptop he had purchased. I was giving him some tips on Windows 8 and certain apps he could download.
He commented on a hole in the drywall near his desk:
Uncle, "Is there an app that can fix holes in drywall?"
Me, "No...you'll have to download a patch."
Pause. Groan. Laughter.
I was so proud.
So I'm texting a guy I like. There was a miscommunication in text and he thought I called him shampoo. We were teasing each other about it for a minute when he said, "I am insulted."
To which I replied, "No. You are shampoo."
Think he'll still date me?
I only have one.
The Americans supported the cause of the French Revolution, but not the execution.
Puns off the names Robespierre, Saint Just, etc especially requested.
Because he was below C-level.
The executioner left him hanging.
Unless they're properly executed, that it.
You have to be ruthless.
They are expected to make an appearance in Food Court next week.
Good evening. I'll see my self out...
But I wasn't sure how to execute it
But he was so badly executed.
Me: She's just a robot, I don't think she ever feels fear.
My son: She's scared of getting Alexa-cuted.
What's wobbly in the sky A jellycopter
Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes
It has poor execution .
(Booty Judge)
guess it was a pretty good relation-ship
please don't execute me
I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.
Let's see what you can do!
What you need to know about the game:
- You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
- Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
- You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.
That's basically it.
I was left hanging.
It felt like I was speaking to 50 Cent.
I call him my mane man
Got quite a few groans I was pretty proud of today!
We were talking about hiring a new manager for a field team, and it turned out the guy we liked the most had several felony convictions for gun possession.
COO: I'm not sure we can take the risk, despite his valuable experience.
Me: Well guys, at least we know he'll stick to his guns.
I'll make a very good dad one day.
A chem ex
You know how you can tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? ...One will see you later, the other will see you in a while.
Me being the only other dad in the room silently chuckled while the other 3 non-dad executives let out an audible groan.
I defended myself saying "I've barely scratched the Surface"
R, I, and the seven c’s
Linked’in park
Breaking Noose
Via Billboard.
When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.
When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.
Apparently, the board didn't approve of the bottom-up harakiri
Because they were hair-ticks
Heads will roll if word of this gets around.
CROW-VID-19
I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."
Good concept, bad execution.
Yeah, I surf on executive boards.
The woman tries to pity the judge: -Judge, I carried this child 9 months in my belly, it is the flesh of my flesh and it comes directly to me! The judge is moved and says: -Right mam, but now, lets listen to your husband's arguments. The man prefers to use his pragmatic side, and says: -Judge, when I put my coin in the vending machine,Is the can mine or is it to the machine?
