Eudoxus and Aristoteles (lunar craters)
Aristoteles, Eudoxus and Burg craters
I'm sorry, but I'm extremely proud of this one, and nobody in the chat found it funny =(
I can’t believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
Ah! You fell for one of the classic blunders!
This one generated a lot of buzz on r/memes
I took two pairs of socks golfing
In case I got a hole in one
Why is 19 afraid of 20
Because they got in a fight once and 21
A bunch of people said they liked my shirt
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went out and had beers. Cool guy, very driven, wants to be a web designer.
I can't think of a title, let me sleep on it.
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays.
What do you call a shoe made of a banana?
Gotta get me one of those...
I was reading the history of the French Revolution, and just found out what happened to Louis XVI ‘s head.
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9. But why did 7 eat 9?
It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today
Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:
“Well, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”
pauses for effect
“...I guess I let it go to my head.”
Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).
Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another ‘incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...
One friend of mine is LITERALLY a legend...
He always helps me with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols and what they mean.
My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.
I don’t understand how she can feel that way.
How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.
Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.
What’s heavier a gallon of water of a gallon of butane?
Water because butane is a lighter fluid.
I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.
He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.
What’s the 9 letters of the pirate alphabet? (CORNY ALERT)
Accidentally gave my girlfriend a gluestick instead of chapstick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Why can’t Swiss cheese be part of a fat-free diet?
It’s made with hole milk.
Of all my body parts, my fingers are the most reliable.
I can always count on them.
What kind of shoes do Ninjas wear?
A friend of mine tries to impress girls by drawing realistic paintings of the Ford F-150.
Think of a number between 5 and 15. Multiply by 2, add 3, and subtract 7 from the answer. Now close your eyes.
Theresa May is stepping down on June 7th. As a result, the last week of May is the first week of June.
What do you call a room full of ravens?
A magician stood in front of a crowd and claimed that he could disappear. He counted, “Uno..dos..” and was suddenly gone.
He disappeared without a tres.
One of the most underrated animated films ever
My family just celebrated the 200th anniversary of owning a buffalo farm!
Yep. It's our bison-tennial.
What was the name of the Egyptian that was buried with chocolate and nuts?
3 unwritten rules of life...
My Sister Bet Me $15 I Couldn't Build a Car Out Of Spaghetti
You should of seen her face as I drove pasta.
The first photograph of a black hole was released
The last 4 letters of “queue” aren’t silent
They’re waiting for their turn
I was accused of being a plagiarist.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: Wow! Didn't expect this big reaction!
Thanks for the silver!
Edit 2: And gold!? Thanks again! :)
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