My psychiatrist says I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge.

We'll see about that...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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I envy people who grow old gracefully.

They age like fine wine.

I'm aging like milk....

Getting sour and chunky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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What do you say of someone who envies a pudding?

He's jelly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kaheil2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who made a fortune investing in apple?

Turns out he was in cider trading

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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My grandfather always said, β€œBe envied, not envious.”

I’m so pissed off I didn’t think of that quote first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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I get it, you hated him 4 years ago ...

... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eaglehawk2011
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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The other trees are evergreen with envy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randyotter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2018
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Guy annoys girlfriend with puns at Ikea
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GabuTheBunny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2015
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Sometimes I really envy magnets

They don't have much of a personality, but at least they are attractive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scooterg2004
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
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That's a shitty pun ;-;
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
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When you lose your brain
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Polar_Eagle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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When Thanos gets killed in the first 10 minutes in Endgame
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Polar_Eagle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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Not mush room
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdityaKonsta
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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You know what the 2 most jealous letters of the alphabet are?

NV

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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What an outstanding result in potty training.

An envy pee.

(like an MVP, get it..OK I go away now)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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"[I'm] suddenly overwhelmed with piano nostalgia. I loved to play, but my really favorite piano thing was watching the tuner take apart the piano and meticulously work on the strings. I could watch it all day."

me: "So, you have pianist's envy?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Technohazard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2016
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