There is no 'coon.
He was near-Vanna.
The Aluminati
He was a naan believer.
Whenever it rings, I get woke!
Immanuel Kan't.
They study the teachings of the Gouda.
They Celibated.
Ha,I'm going.
He was delighted
I enjoyed being enlightened
A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.
"moo."
The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.
He's interrupted again, "moooo."
The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."
The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.
"Oooooommmm-"
Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."
"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."
The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"
"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.
The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"
The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"
He had no attachments.
Call it John Wick.
Yes we Kant.
There were too many knights.
It was delighted.
...I feel like The Flash, because I too, am enlightening Bolt.
Keeps me up at night
Laughed more than I thought.
It was ENLIGHTENED
Well it depends on wattage they are.
If theyre bright enough they can do it
A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas. She inserted the nozzle and began filling the car with gas. As she waited for the car to fill, she lit a cigarette and began to smoke it. The car clicked to indicate it was full of gas, and she pulled the filler out of the car. Some gas leaked out of the filler onto her sweater arm, and a spark from the cigarette lit her arm on fire. The woman began to scream for help, and waved her arm about trying to put the fire out. A highway patrolman who happened to be nearby ran over and saw the woman flailing about in pain. Without hesitation, he pulled his handgun out of the holster and shot her three times. A few weeks later in court, the judge asked the patrolman why on earth he shot that woman? The patrolman answers, "well your honor, she was waving around a firearm!"
It's been enlightening
Because he loves Tibet!
I was sitting in traffic earlier and had my window cracked and a guy pulled up beside me and yelled “hey!” So I rolled my window down thinking he needed directions or something and then he hit me with this joke. Best joke I ever heard and exactly what I needed in the moment, couldn’t stop laughing and smiling the whole way home.
With that I decided to share this moment of enlightenment with you all.
Then it dawned on me
...the one that's delighted.
I live with my girlfriend, we had some friends over who were married and had a kid. This little baby had found an L.E.D flashlight and started chewing on it.
Me: "Don't let him chew on that.. He might get LED poisoning"
I couldn't control my laughter
He looked to me and said, "Do you know why the left side of the V formation is longer?"
So I told him, "I can't think of a reason, why?"
So he enlightened me, "It's because it has more geese in it."
The experience was enlightening.
[Girlfriend comes up and asks for the time]
Her: "What time are we on?"
Me: "Greenwich Mean Time"
Her: "You need a slap, you do!"
I was talking to a friend on Skype; at one point, I realised that I had to go to the bathroom.
"I'll be right back, I have to pee," I said.
"All right sure," she replied.
When I left, I put my laptop on the floor, the screen facing upwards, so as to avoid the ventilator being drowned by my duvet.
When I returned, I realised the webcam was pointing toward the ceiling, and I asked her:
"Did you find my ceiling interesting?"'
"Nah, I was looking at something else,"
And then, I saw my chance. It was glorious. Like golden wings borne on scarlet sunlight had brought me to Enlightenment, and I instantly replied with what is perhaps my greatest feat of pun yet:
"You know, that really hurts my ceilings."
I dad joked my wife today. It's my birthday. My wife asked, "You have had 49 trips around the sun. What do you think of them so far?". Of course, the only reply is, "Enlightening.". She was speechless. My son lit up with laughter.
