For context, I’m not talking about politicians failing to solve the worlds problems, I’m talking about everyday people burning bridges, fueling Twitter wars, feeling afraid so speak their views over social backlash, etc.
In my experience, listening and assuming the best and giving second chances and so on have led to better conversations both offline and online, and have led to more long term mind-changing, rather than trying to methodically poetry-slam talking points into people.
On the flip side, I know some very intelligent people on both sides of politics who can be toxic as hell. Rationalizing your points well doesn’t make up for the gap you’re creating by the name-calling and flaunting intelligence.
I think there’s a strain of thought that assumes “if everyone just did a better job of critical thinking and sorting through misinformation, we wouldn’t be in this mess”
However when it comes to deeply held beliefs, it seems to me that people believe them in the first place due to life experiences and personal situations, rather than “reason and evidence”. So calories are better spent untangling their life experiences and how they processed them, and maybe set aside, idk, 0-20% of the conversation for talking points and evidence (unless doing that seems to be going well for once).
So, starting in 5th grade I put all of my efforts towards being able to talk to people. I felt that it was unethical to make people feel uncomfortable because I sucked at communicating.
Just got diagnosed with Aspergers a few days ago (I am 28) and the specialist said I was the "highest functioning individual with Aspergers that he had ever met." My husband was flabbergasted because he said that I am incredibly emotionally intelligent. My friends also said that I am emotionally intelligent. But back in the day I very much was not, in certain areas.
Now I'm wondering if I somehow "faked it" to the specialist because maybe I didn't explain clearly enough that I was liked in high school and college. Not really liked at many jobs, mind you, because I wasn't sure how I was supposed to interact in a job format, but well enough in school that people invited me to events. Though I was often lonely. And I do have a variety of friends now, and two best friends. I worked so, so, so hard to accomplish this.
It is not normal for a trying-to-be-thoughtful kid to low-key think that there is something wrong with them for their whole life, right? I started writing about how I suspected I was weird back when I was like 10. I have all these traits from childhood that just SCREAM spectrum disorder. I have read COUNTLESS studies on the topic. I even made a 21 page outline of my life experiences and how they fit into the diagnosis, which I showed to the specialist. The specialist immediately picked up on my inability to know what was too much vs. too little info, how literal I am, and how I talk with a bit of a strange accent.
My husband is wrong, I think, because he doesn't really have any idea what he is talking about. I suspect he himself has a spectrum disorder, or is close to it. But now I am double guessing myself, despite spending over two years of research on the topic. He said that I am "not like his friend with autism, who has incredibly low empathy." No, I am not. I am clever and have spent my entire life trying to learn the in's and out's of correct interpersonal relationships. I care about people. I am social now. He knows current me, not former me. Also, the specialist recommended that I find a therapist to work on some small details with my social interactions. That doesn't scream "totally perfect communication" to me.
Anyways, just wanted a bit of support.
Our parents have been in Lala land our whole life. Arguing, occupied by work, family problems or just stuff. We always work on our toes. Our parents want something then it has to happen that second. We have to drop everything we’re doing. I know this had an effect on me and it had an effect on her. She doesn’t have many friends outside of me. I’m her brother and likewise I didn’t have any friends growing up either.
Lately I have noticed that when we go outside to walk around. She starts to overshare about certain topics. How our parents are always fighting, how she has to deal with all the problems and I feel she’s telling too much personal stuff to the world. Like a person who overhears our conversation might think “oh this is weird”.
She lacks self awareness I guess? Maybe it’s my social anxiety. But how do I help my sister become a good well rounded person overall who has good friendships with her peers? I don’t want her being anything like me. Maybe I’m not bad but I don’t want her to live with this deep insecurities that I have.
I don’t think I have much EI. I’m pretty dumb in that department lol.
I know this isn’t my responsibility but I really want to help her.
EDIT: Thank you so much for your overwhelming response! We now just need more people from other cultural backgrounds (see my new post)!
Hello!
I am currently investigating emotional intelligence, body image, and cultural background with my research team. This survey takes about 5-10 minutes and is appropriate for anyone over the age of 16. For each of the cultural backgrounds in this survey, we need a sufficient sample size to include that cultural background in our analysis and, of course, we want to include as many as possible! However, we only have 3 responses from people with an Australian or New Zealand background so far! Therefore, it would help us out massively if you could fill in and share our survey. http://fppvu.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_51DygzPf5F4s7ga
Thank you!
I've seen a ton of posts/comments here and elsewhere from people struggling with anxiety, depression, and other negative emotions due to losing at chess. I had anxiety issues myself when I first started playing years ago. I mostly played bots because I was scared to play against real people.
I've been thinking about what causes this, as you don't see people reacting so negatively to losses in other board games like Monopoly. I think the false link between chess and intelligence, mostly perpetuated by pop culture, could possibly be one of the reasons for this.
Either consciously or subconsciously, a lot of players, especially beginners, may believe they're not improving as fast as they'd like because they aren't smart enough. When they lose, it's because they got "outsmarted." These kinds of falsehoods are leading to an ego bruising every time they lose. Losing a lot could possibly lead to anxiety issues, confidence problems, or even depression in some cases.
In movies, TV shows, and other media, whenever the writers want you to know a character is smart, they may have a scene where that character is playing chess, or simply staring at the board in deep thought. It's this kind of thing that perpetuates the link between chess and being smart.
In reality, chess is mostly just an experience/memorization based board game. Intelligence has little to nothing to do with it. Intelligence may play a very small part in it at the absolutely highest levels, but otherwise I don't think it comes into play much at all. There are too many other variables that decide someone's chess potential.
Let's say you take two people who are completely new to chess, one has an IQ of 100, the other 140. You give them the both the objective of getting to 1500 ELO. The person with 150 IQ may possibly be able to get to 1500 a little faster, but even that isn't for certain, because like I said, there are too many other variables at play here. Maybe the 100 IQ guy has superior work ethic and determination, and outworks the other guy in studying and improving. Maybe he has superior pattern recognition, or better focus. You see what I mean.
All in all, the link between chess and intelligence is at the very least greatly exaggerated. It's just a board game. You get better by playing and learning, and over time you start noticing certain patterns and tactical ideas better. Just accept the fact you're going to lose a lot of games no matter what(even GMs lose a lot of games), and try and
... keep reading on reddit ➡
First of all, do you believe there is such a thing like EQ? Do you think emotions are not strictly tied to logic? How does IQ and EQ relate to each other? At last but not least how does one improve so-called emotional intelligence?
Is it just me or are these things fucking stupid? I find them unnecessary and manipulative. Plus, people just lie on them anyway. After some research I found that it is complete pseudo science? Can someone shed some light on this? Is this some r/LinkedInLunatic bs?
Right now, I am just looking for a part time second job at night somewhere in my field (IT/cybersecurity), so I have the luxury of doing what I want, so I understand if people are in a bad position and have to go through the motions. But I just straight up said no and it felt kind of good. Of course got a snarky response from the recruiter, which I expected.
After finding out I was an INTJ, I realized that a lack of emotional intelligence was considered “normal” for some personality types. Previously, I had chalked my subdued emotions and lack of showering people with affection up to intimacy problems. So here’s a question for my fellow INTJs. Do you struggle with feeling/expressing emotions? Do you think that is just your personality, or is it something wrong with you?
Then here are my further thoughts. Feel free to skip this part. Does a lack of emotional intelligence necessarily mean there is a problem? I personally feel that an importance is placed on being able to open up, to communicate with words how much you love somebody. But there are different types of intelligence, and you can’t be expected to have them all. Where is the line between lacking emotional intelligence and intimacy problems?
Middle school teacher here. I'm male and still in my early 20's and I constantly find myself in situations where I am not sure how to respond as the teacher. Students who are arguing, crying, hitting, and doing all sorts of emotional and illogical behaviors and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond? I'm good at teaching but all this emotional stuff that gets in the way has me stumped on a constant basis.
Do you have to be very high in emotional intelligence to be a teacher?
If anyone wants to see an example of a Bravo celeb with EI, watch the latest WWHL with Natasha De Bourg from Below Deck Sailing Yacht. She was doubling down and not taking any accountability the first few times she was on, but then did a complete 180 and fully admitted where she was wrong and where the other person had a point and apologized. COMPLETE opposite from Hannah. THAT’S true maturity and strength.
I’m a nurse and was getting my second covid vaccine, had to take my just turned 3 year old son as dad couldn’t get out of work.
We were waiting after (obligatory 15 min wait to check you’re all good) and my son was just stood up in front of me looking around and asking questions.
He then looked behind me and said “mummy?” very quietly, when I asked him what he needed he said, again very softly “why has that lady got a baddie on her face?” I subtly looked around and he was referring to another member of staff with a large birthmark on her face. I explained what it was and he was happy with the answer and moved on.
I’m just so impressed with his response! He didn’t stare and made a real effort to lower his voice and ask me quietly. Every other question the woman he was asking about would of clearly heard him. I didn’t think tact would be something a 3 year old has !
My self-summary
Als Logikmensch urteile ich nicht hochnäsig über Menschen. Wer mir einfach schreibt, dem schreibe ich zurück. Ob nun nur ein "Hi" oder sonst was enthalten ist, sind mir und der Logik egal. Arrogante Tussen und hochnäsige Menschen, die relevante Dinge nicht erkennen, können mir gestohlen bleiben. Als intelligenter Mensch achte ich auf die echten Werte und nicht darauf, was die "Masse" meint. polite, friendly, smart, handsome
Current goal
Reverse Engineering (McFact) & disassemble some software which hides bad code. I work against spam, scam, viruses, spyware and so forth. Rewriting some .dll and fixing some newer programs to run fine on old machines. Re-Patching "MAxon Cinema 4D R21 & S22" and the whole installation process to run smooth on windows 7 machines. I'm really good at Software Developing, Analyzing, Reverse Engineering & Bug Busting. I can write, fix and rewrite software. It is funny to force software to do things you want. As Freelancer i wrote some security software for free and for Companies & the Government. Assembler, Delphi, VB6, .Net, C++, C#, Java aren´t rocket science for me. I also write Addons for Firefox/Thunderbird (XPI) and Digital Audio WOrkstations (.vst and so forth).
My golden rule
Never ever lying, cheating. Use your brain, don´t jump the hivemind, be different! I value Empathy, respect, tolerance, emotional intelligence
A perfect day
every day with "you" is a perfect day for me. lying in the bed, kissing & cuddling with you the whole day^^ I mean different things can be perfect if we share the time together.
What I'm actually looking for
A friendly, polite and handsome girl who knows the most important things about respect, real values, empathy, loyality, real parship and so forth. I don´t looking for "gold diggers" or girls who jumping the hivemind. I don´t like arrogant girls. I want a friendly cute girl. Material things aren´t important to me. I want to share my Knowledge and also want to learn something. Maybe we can share activities and/or thoughts about different things. Im interested in different things. Im looking for a girl for long-term dating. I respect women, i can cook, build some things, fix things and can take care of her. I also can listen to her. Maybe i want to buy a flat or build a house. Maybe i want kids if the girl is "the right one". I love pets. I can take care of "you" and be a "good" boyfriend/husband. Are yo
Hi, 36f with self diagnosed autism here. I have significant struggles with being aware of my own emotions, being able to communicate them effectively to others, and with reading/reacting to social situations, especially where I am emotionally charged myself. This has wreaked havoc on my personal relationship. I have done a massive amount of soul-searching, investigation, etc, as my actions are as unacceptable to me as they are to her. I have found lots of information on increasing self-awareness, emotional intelligence, social awareness, etc, and have reason to believe these are skills I can master and possibly excel at, but she has serious (reasonable) doubts. My question is, for others who have struggled with these issues, were you able to significantly improve? What things were you able to change, or not able to change? If you were to measure yourself against an ‘average’ yardstick, how do you think you would measure now?
May be long but I'll try to condense as much as possible.
I've been in my current employment just over 7.5 years, coordinating a social program for adults with disabilities. Over that time we (Australia) have had major funding reform for disability services and it's resulted in a boom in demand and an enormous increase in workload. The org has grown very big, very fast and I often find that different departments (HR, Client Management etc) have differing opinions about what's necessary with regard to procedures and required documentation, resulting in us Coordinators trying to manage multiple conflicting priorities. Add to that my manager can not grasp how much my role has changed and how big the workload has become, she's old school and of the opinion you don't get personal in the workplace - you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get it done, and no matter how hard I try to explain she can't wrap her head around why it's different to when she was running the service 20 years ago.
I used to be full-time in the office, and still struggled to maintain the workload. I've been asking for help for over a year and a half - I'm not picky about how the help comes, whether it's better definition of the actual responsibilities of the role, another person to help or extra training if there's something I can improve, I'm up for it. Since July 2020 they've restructured my role to be half office, half direct support - and yet I'm still expected to get the same amount of admin work completed. Additionally, the direct support work is all after 5pm on weekdays, and all weekend - even though I do the roster I can't make up the rest of the hours in any regular capacity, I have to take on extra weekend shifts and client holidays, requiring me to be away from my family the majority of the time. I've explained this style of working is hard for me with a young family, but since my employer coerced me into signing the new agreement (You can sign or you can leave type of deal) they insist that's how it will be from now on.
This has been wearing me down for YEARS. I'm depressed, anxious, feel hopeless, and like I'm not heard or valued. I'm less able to manage my emotions and find myself blowing up over tiny things, and that's not like me.
Cue my annual performance appraisal a week ago. Beforehand, my manager asked for a list of things that aren't working for me so she could 'understand and wrap her head around why I say the role's not working for me. I compiled it (worklo
... keep reading on reddit ➡To make this short, I don't need any reassurance about opposite. I know this. I just got out of 8 months long "relationship" and it left me baffled how could I be so stupid. How do can I change this? Where do I start to sort this out?
And the INTJ’s who master it (or at least fake it enough to play along with the social game) often are able to accomplish so much more and making it so much further in life career-wise, regardless of field — I’ve seen it in business, medicine, STEM, art, etc.
Human connection is an enormous asset and, when played correctly and combined with our INTJ cognitive strengths, can absolutely be leveraged for personal gain. Networking matters (especially true in the U.S. in my experience). I’ve been working on my EQ skills these past couple of years and it’s paying off, not just in terms of professional opportunities but in personal life as well (building stronger altruistic relationships that also leave me feeling more fulfilled).
I’m not saying faking it is necessarily the right thing to do, but rather just drawing awareness to the potential value of playing the social game.
Americans love sales and negotiations because of the short term monetary gains those people-oriented jobs offer, but scientific ventures and discoveries aren't necessarily profitable in the short term.
As a result, our culture encourages being an extrovert at the expense of more isolated and less profitable scientific pursuits which could lead to substantial and revolutionary scientific discoveries.
Our incentives as a culture are messed up, and that needs to change.
As the title pertains, I’ve tested as an INTJ for a good few years and honestly I’d like to think I’m fairly intelligent. However, that being said - I took part in this quiz and honestly, I question myself on everything I know about myself right now.
I tested in the top 20% of the emotional intelligence quizzes, and almost at the bottom of lowest 20% for the cognitive intelligence quizzes.
I have no idea how an INTJ can be great at emotional intelligence and not so fantastic at the cognitive intelligence side of this test.
The metrics, as well as how they collected the data were rather juvenile and I don’t think it was able to get a full and rounded result. For anyone curious about the company who supplied the testing; it’s Revelian.
Thank you for taking time to read my rather dull and absurd experience.
- An INTJ Female
Any techniques, books, videos to watch? Any stuff that's particularly helped you.
I've had depression for over 2 years, and I think possibly one of the main reasons I got into it in the first place was to do with my low[er] emotional intelligence as an INTJ.
Under the premise that if you don't master your emotions, they will master you. Not just unhealthy supressing or burying, not acknowledging them, but learning how to healthily deal and dissipate them.
So I'm fairly new here, but it seems that the world of corporate speak has adopted the concept of EQ. When did this happen and why? Is there any literature on this?
It isn’t gonna come as any surprise that in today’s world the importance of emotional intelligence is paramount, for all the right reasons.
With the surge in the research studies1, it has been concluded time and time again that a person with higher emotional intelligence is often considered to be more competent at work, more understanding in relationships, and lives a better life as a whole.
This clearly demonstrates the importance of emotional intelligence and why we all should be adept at handling our emotions.
How do you deal with/help inform and educate someone who is emotionally incapable of expressing/showing/reacting (appropriately) to a situation (which the lack of emotional awareness can somewhat be excused when it comes to reading a situation n my opinion knowing what I know about them).
Even more concerning is when something heavy and heartfelt is communicated directly and while they acknowledge and say they are apologetic, beyond that, there is no engagement, no physical touch, no questions, no attempt at asking what one might need from them in that moment? Knowing when asked or prodded they will have sincere concern and remorse, but no point of reference on how they ‘should respond’, how can this be properly addressed?
My assumption is it will require a professional counselor. Is there anything that can help in the mean time?
I'm a teenager who struggles with emotions in general. Quite some time ago, about a year or so, I took an EQ test with my psychologist and scored a "below average." I remember thinking that it didn't matter at the time, that I will learn it through life, and that I should focus on the important stuff: planning for success.
During the last couple of days, I have been proven wrong. My older friend just broke up with his 4-year relationship due to infidelity. I still remember his devastated voice saying how much he needed help and how he bottled up those feelings because he knew about it but didn't want to realize it. My heart ached so much when he talked. But even if I felt like helping him, the right words wouldn't come out. I didn't know how to help him. He said he didn't want to be alone, but I'm not much of a difference. When finally my words came out, I sounded like a robot. It was pretty much a "don't worry, I'm here for you;" and "I wish I could understand you, but I don't understand people's feelings," (I was having a crisis myself). Thinking about this makes me want to smack my head HARD on the floor repeatedly.
Right now, I'm convinced that I need a change. So I'm opting for reading any books/hearing some tips that will help with these kinds of situations in the future. Any suggestions? It will help a whole ton.
She started lying about it so she'd stand out in order to get the job on the Enterprise and now she can't stop.
I should start off I believe I have low emotional intelligence and low natural "empathy". Having recognized it, I work on it and try very hard to respond to people in the manner that would best help them, but I don't always succeed. I put a lot of work into being there for friends and family despite my inherent "feelings".
A friend of mine described an encounter in her building where a large white man pushed the internal door into her aggressively entering the building and her response was to "Scream like a banshee". Now, if I had been the aggressor, it would be an accident, and I would have been apologetic and let them know I lived there and had meant her no harm. This guy, running into a screaming lady, went into the elevator and told her she was acting like a freak. Due to all the anti-asian violence going on, and this being her second "encounter" lately, she is on edge.
She asked me what I thought, and I was being honest: I thought she may have been overly aggressive.
Her response:
"It's crazy to blame me (her)"
"As a friend I find this completely unsupportive, And as a man, awful too to side with an aggressor towards me"
"Doesn’t matter what your intention was. Your choice of words caused it. Intention doesn’t matter
"A man calls your friend a fucking freak and shames her after she’s the victim of a crime two days before and you say I’m the aggressive one"
"You should be outraged"
"I had told you because I was seeking some comfort, telling my story and I believed you were a safe space"
"But you responded like a detached, unaware white man. I thought you were better than that"
Suddenly, I am under attack because I did not respond to her the way she needed to be responded to. I get that, but I am not a cheerleader or therapist. I did not have training on how to respond to people, and to be honest, inside I don't feel outraged or upset beyond my concern for her well being.
I ended it with "I support you and I am sorry I spoke poorly" and she hasn't responded. This is a lady who's already burned bridges with my core friend group and I effectively had to start a secondary group for her to hang out with. I watch her dog for free regularly. I supported and promoted her business to other friends. I admit I probably said the wrong thing but does this rate the amount of response she gave me?
I am open to all critiques in an effort change for the better so don't be afraid to say what you think. Thank you for reading.
Hello!
I am currently investigating emotional intelligence, body image, and cultural background with my research team. This survey takes about 5-10 minutes and is appropriate for anyone over the age of 16. For each of the cultural backgrounds in this survey, we need a sufficient sample size to include that cultural background in our analysis and, of course, we want to include as many as possible! However, we only have a few responses from people with a South European background so far! Therefore, it would help us out massively if you could fill in and share our survey. http://fppvu.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_51DygzPf5F4s7ga
Thank you!
Hello!
A few days ago, I posted about my research into emotional intelligence, body image, and cultural background. We need at least 50 participants in each cultural background to be able to include it in our analysis. So far, it's going pretty well as we already have a lot of cultural backgrounds with a sample size of over 100! However, we are currently stuck at 35 participants with a North African background. We need 15 more to include your beautiful culture in our research! So, if you would like your cultural background to be included in our research, please help us out by filling in and sharing our survey! It would be a shame if we're unable to include the North African culture in our research. Of course, other cultural backgrounds are also still welcome as we need as many participants as we can get for each of them.
http://fppvu.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_51DygzPf5F4s7ga
Thank you!
Our parents have been in Lala land our whole life. Arguing, occupied by work, family problems or just stuff. We always work on our toes. Our parents want something then it has to happen that second. We have to drop everything we’re doing. I know this had an effect on me and it had an effect on her. She doesn’t have many friends outside of me. I’m her brother and likewise I didn’t have any friends growing up either.
Lately I have noticed that when we go outside to walk around. She starts to overshare about certain topics. How our parents are always fighting, how she has to deal with all the problems and I feel she’s telling too much personal stuff to the world. Like a person who overhears our conversation might think “oh this is weird”.
She lacks self awareness I guess? Maybe it’s my social anxiety. But how do I help my sister become a good well rounded person overall who has good friendships with her peers? I don’t want her being anything like me. Maybe I’m not bad but I don’t want her to live with this deep insecurities that I have.
I don’t think I have much EI. I’m pretty dumb in that department lol.
I know this isn’t my responsibility but I really want to help her.
Hello!
I am currently investigating emotional intelligence, body image, and cultural background with my research team. This survey takes about 5-10 minutes and is appropriate for anyone over the age of 16. For each of the cultural backgrounds in this survey, we need a sufficient sample size to include that cultural background in our analysis and, of course, we want to include as many as possible! However, as we are all Western European ourselves, it is quite difficult for us to reach other backgrounds. Therefore, it would be great if you could fill in and share our survey! http://fppvu.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_51DygzPf5F4s7ga
Thank you!
Hello!
I am currently investigating emotional intelligence, body image, and cultural background with my research team. This survey takes about 5-10 minutes and is appropriate for anyone over the age of 16. For each of the cultural backgrounds in this survey, we need a sufficient sample size to include that cultural background in our analysis and, of course, we want to include as many as possible! However, we only have a few responses from people with a South American background so far! Therefore, it would help us out massively if you could fill in and share our survey. http://fppvu.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_51DygzPf5F4s7ga
Thank you!
Hello!
I am currently investigating emotional intelligence, body image, and cultural background with my research team. This survey takes about 5-10 minutes and is appropriate for anyone over the age of 16. For each of the cultural backgrounds in this survey, we need a sufficient sample size to include that cultural background in our analysis and, of course, we want to include as many as possible! However, we only have 10 responses from people with an African background (divided over North-, South-, East-, and West-Africa) so far! Therefore, it would help us out massively if you could fill in and share our survey. http://fppvu.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_51DygzPf5F4s7ga
Thank you!
Hello!
I am currently investigating emotional intelligence, body image, and cultural background with my research team. This survey takes about 5-10 minutes and is appropriate for anyone over the age of 16. For each of the cultural backgrounds in this survey, we need a sufficient sample size to include that cultural background in our analysis and, of course, we want to include as many as possible! Which is why I am posting it here! It would help us out massively if you could fill in and share our survey. http://fppvu.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_51DygzPf5F4s7ga
Thank you!
Hello!
I am currently investigating emotional intelligence, body image, and cultural background with my research team. This survey takes about 5-10 minutes and is appropriate for anyone over the age of 16. For each of the cultural backgrounds in this survey, we need a sufficient sample size to include that cultural background in our analysis and, of course, we want to include as many as possible! However, we only have a few responses from people with a South Asian background so far! Therefore, it would help us out massively if you could fill in and share our survey. http://fppvu.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_51DygzPf5F4s7ga
Thank you!
