E Library Puns

The library. (Daughter dropped this on me yesterday. So proud!)

I guess you could say the library was fully booked

The library, it has the most stories

He just spend last few weeks in library...because he Supreme Reader.

Librarian: Sir, This is a library

Man: Oh, right. Sorry.

Man: (whispers)Can I please have a number 4 with cheese?

A Man Walked into a Library. He approached the front desk, rapped on the wood with his knuckles, and declared "MA'AM, I WOULD LIKE A CHEESEBURGER AND FRIES." The receptionist was startled, and replied "sir, please.. this is a library!" The man gasped, looked around surprised, and replied in a very quiet whisper: "i'm so sorry. i would like a cheeseburger and fries."

They're due back at the library on Friday, thanks.

Q: Did you hear that U of Alabama's library burned? A: It's true! They lost all 3 of their coloring books!

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl on campus at U of A? A: A visitor!

Q: What do a maggot and a U of A fan have in common? A: They can both live off a dead bear for twenty years.

Q: How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 80,001. 1 to change the bulb, 80,000 to talk about how great the old lightbulb was.

Q: How do you make Alabama cookies? A: Put em in a bowl and whip em for 60 minutes.

Q: Did you hear Saban was going to dress up 20 players for the Iron Bowl? A: The rest will have to dress themselves.

Q: Alabama is changing their mascot to the Opossums. A: They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do Alabama players get on their SATs? A: Drool.

War Eagle!!!

The public library.

I said, 'Sure.'

She sighed.

'I saw you and your ex studying Pythagoras' theorem in the library.'

'Oh, you did?' I asked.

She paused. 'So, how do you explain that?'

'Easily,' I replied. 'It's when the square on the hypotenuse of a right-angled triangle is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.'

Tonight at dinner, he was telling me about the book he got at the library. He totally deadpanned it.

Son: I got this game book called Club Penguin at the library.

Me: I've never heard of that, what is it.

Son: It's a place you get free books.

The library- it’s got the most stories 😂😂😂

And now I'm no longer allowed in the library

the woman states "sir this is a library"

the blind man replies "oh sorry, ^(can i have a pepperoni pizza please) "

Go to a library.

I work in a library.

Seriously, I need rock jokes lol.

I am a children's librarian and I am working on putting together a performance for the summer programming. The theme for our Summer Reading Program is "Libraries Rock." So for my program I am going to need lots of cheesy rock jokes to keep the kids laughing and I thought this would be the absolute best place to get some ideas. Thanks ahead of time - you guys rock ;)

We were walking from the library and I had a travel coffee mug but the little bit of coffee left had gone cold. I dumped the remainder in the grass so I could put it in my backpack.

GF: "Don't dump your coffee in the grass!!"

Me: "It's okay, it's ground coffee" The look on her face...

So a man walks into a library, he says to the librarian, “ uhh can I get Ham and Swiss on rye? The librarian says to the man, “Are you aware this is a library?” The man replies “ oh, my mistake. He then whispers “Can I get Ham and Swiss on rye?

I was standing in the lobby of the movie theater after Star Wars today and this old man walks up to me and says "Did you hear about the kidnapping at the library?" I said "What?" and he asked again if I heard about the kidnapping at the library. I said I hadn't heard about it and the old man said "They woke him up!" and just walked off. No grin. No laugh. No expression. Just walked off.

Me: A library that size better have more than two books in it.

So we get a book sent to our library, it was a little kids book called "I know all the letters of the alphabet." Me: looking at book "huh, I know all the letters of the alphabet?" Boss: "Yeah it got sent here by accident." Me: "You know I know only 25 letters of the alphabet." Boss: "Really?" Me: "Yeah I don't know why." Groaning was heard as the joke spread around the office.

does it make my house a library?

Took out the whole trailer park. Library too. Both books are gone. Wife wasn’t done coloring one of them.

It walks up to the librarian and says "Bock!". The library gives it a book and the chicken takes it in its beak and walks out.

A minute later the chicken comes walking back in and says "Bock! Bock!". The librbrian gives it 2 books and the chicken takes them and walks out.

A few minutes after that the chicken comes back says "Bock! Bock! Bock!". The librarian gives the chicken 3 books but follows him out to see what's going on.

The chicken puts the books down in front of a frog who says "reddit reddit reddit"!

Me: "What's that?"

She: "The place where you read and borrow books"

Me: "You mean library?"

She: "Yes, but I have no bra"

One day Mario and Luigi were arguing with eachother after they came across a very unique ghost in their travels. See, this particular spirit had a permanent rain cloud above her head, leaving water wherever she went. Even more curiously, she permanently had her nose buried in a book!

Mario was adamant "No one's ever seen anything like this before. We should contact the librarians in Peaches Castle to document this."

But Luigi was infuriated and set out to prove his brother wrong. After many hours in the library, he threw a monsters compendium on the desk infront of his brother and exclaimed...

"Take a look.

Its in the book.

Its a reading Rain Boo."

A man walks into an establishment, goes up to the counter and says: “Hi, can I buy some fish and chips please” The lady responds: “Sir this is a library” The man: whispers “Sorry, can I buy some fish and chips please”

we were in the library and my friend was explaining something to me. we were drinking out of the same water bottle.

As he set down the water bottle he asked me something alond the lines of "Are you getting this?" as I reached down to grab it, I smiled and said "Yeah man, I'm really picking up what you're putting down"

All 4 of the people at the table just groaned.

Someone posted to a group facebook page asking for some help: "I hate to ask this, but is there anyone who is in a library right now or will be tomorrow night who can take the time out to explain to me how to do a serial dilution?"

My friend responded with: "Serial dilution? Simple. Add more milk"

So a blonde walks into a library, and walks up to the librarian and asks, "Can I have a rum and coke please?".

The librarian responded saying "Ma'am this is a library!"

The blonde responded "oh I'm sorry..." And in a whisper asked "Can I have a rum and coke please".

With a Pumpkin patch.

Shamelessly reposted from the Library of Congress twitter account.

https://twitter.com/librarycongress/status/923559845927809026

Yesterday I got turned down for a library card.

Want to know why I spend all my Friday nights at the library?

...It's lit.

is for prison libraries

I was sitting in the library with my friend studying for finals. I have a night class tonight, but I have to study for a huge exam tomorrow. I said "So I've decided that I'm not going to my night class." My friend immediately says "Then how will you ever move past being a squire?"

The library

The library, it's got the most stories!

The library. It has the most stories

The library,it's got the most stories

The library – it’s got the most stories!

The library.

A library. It has the most stories!

A library.

The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."

The man whispers, "Can I have a cheeseburger?"

The library, as it has the most stories!

A library because it has so many stories

A library. It has hundreds of stories.