Alright, fuck it.

There’s been a lot of option talk again lately, and despite the fact I personally feel that it is gambling because of the inside access and concentration of wealth in terms of who actually owns the stocks, I want to show you how the big boys do it. The banks, insiders, large mammals, etc. all have their very own way to recognize what is happening. And it has to do with option chain analysis. Now, about 6 months ago I figured this out, but wasn’t confident I knew what I was doing, and someone else brought up the signal analysis today which some dummies tried to bury. Things got more complicated when I noticed some people VERY interested in my formulas. They literally seem to have just figured it out haha. But I don’t want to charge you for this, so it is my gift to all of you. The knowledge that comes with it has come from using the following textbook and studying option strat as to how the big boys like to make money (because they cant find stock other than their clients accounts lol).

Options, Futures, and Other Derivatives - John C Hull

https://preview.redd.it/lkgwalbahjb81.png?width=745&format=png&auto=webp&s=9a9f92993559f102bce7421000a01fa9bd50e159

Here it goes. I first decided I need to find free, reliable option data that whether delayed 15 mins or not, was data. Ivolatility.com was that site. The OCC links to it (despite their disclaimer), so I would think it has to provide some type of accurate info.

You are being told that options will make you money. And they might. If you can understand it. And I would recommend perusing that book (not reddit, someone telling you what to do probably has motive to do so). And by that, I mean understand where the money is flowing. Because simply buying calls is gambling and feeding premiums to whoever is writing them (imagine paying $14000 for 100 shares worth $13000 lol). But do what you want I'm not your advisor, just a reddit dummy. Market makers and day traders are selling you those calls because you're gifting them money an

Hi y'all, I did some research and video about this last week and I'm still sitting here reeling as to *WHY* this still remains unsolved.

What Happened to Jubilee 'Maile' Lum and WHY is Her Case STILL Cold??? | Cabernet & True Crime - YouTube (This is my video if you want to watch it, but you definitely don't have to. Below is my synopsis of what happened)

****

I found Jubilee Lum’s case on uncovered.com. If you’re not a member or have never used it before, I highly recommend. In the realm of solving cold cases, it’s a huge, crowdsourced community with discussion boards, and there’s even a free membership option.

While perusing Uncovered, Jubilee Lum’s case stood out to me. I’m not sure if it was her smile, where it took place, or the fact that this horrific crime never got any national attention, that a crime in Hawaii seems so foreign and just… odd. I was drawn to her. So, I started compiling clues. Murdered: Jubilee Lum (uncovered.com)

Jubilee Lum was born November 26th, 1977. At the time of her death, she lived with her family in Kalihi, a neighborhood on the island of O’ahu. I’m not exactly sure where she lived in Kalihi, but the area directly butts up to Honolulu, for reference. At 13, Maile was known to frequent Honolulu’s Chinatown, which is located on the western bit of downtown Honolulu. (Which, isn’t too far out of the realm, odds are, she could have walked.) Chinatown, at the time (and even still) is known for being a particularly bad area. Even on the Hawaii-guide.com website, it is still mentioned even to this day that “many areas are still considered unsafe after dark.” Chinatown | Oahu Hawaii (hawaii-guide.com) **Edit to note that Kalihi and Chinatown are both officially parts of the bigger city, just smaller suburbs.**

Unfortunately for Maile, hanging around Chinatown, and the crowd associated with that area, possibly got her in trouble over the years. But shortly after Maile’s 21st birthday, her family thought she was changing her ways. She had a fiancé, Ambrocio Lazaro, they were planning their wedding for Maile’s 22nd birthday, which was at the end of November, and in January of 1999, she had started attending adult education classes. Even though she was cleaning up, she still couldn’t keep out of Chinatown, but usually her fiancé would bring her back home aft

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Christmas is coming.

That festive season which drives the great pumps of our late capitalist system. The hard earned kopecks of the massive working class will finally flow in, to purchase all kinds of barely working crap.

Its a special season this year, one of unbridled greed and duplicitous behavior. We have gone full mask off in more ways than one. It is more important to spend than to stop the spread of the literal plague. It is more important to work than to be paid. It is more important to produce value than to live.

The world is spinning faster. The hyperreality is closing in, with a perfect embrace of sweet, chattering lies. Endless feeds, falling bitcoin prices, logistical snafus and metaverse realestate, if such an oxymoronic commidity can be purchased.

Breath in the rust. Feel the unseasonable warmth. Look at the industriousness of the local homeless encampment. There will be no blanket of white snow to wipe away the sins of the world on that {spits} blessed day.

You now live in a death cult. No different than the citizens of Nazi Germany, the Aztec empire, Jonestown, or Cambodia. Your life is much less important than the price of a bullet, if Brother Number Two was in fact Goldman Sachs.

But any petty warlord, Nazi bureaucrat, or Jim-fucking-Jones himself had some animus, a joie de vivre of personal cruelty. These multinationals are both much more blind and much more sociopathic.

It is not that that any c-level executive would not have you summarily executed in his personal labor camp; it is that they would execute us all. Kill polite society, uproot not single families or whole communities. They would uproot the thin living shell of carbon based life from which we draw life giving oxygen and nourishment.

They are not genocidal, but omnicidal. They would kill the whole world for but 5 more years of positive quarterly stock reports. They would not just disregaurd the increasingly real specter of global climate change and ecosystem disruption; they would order you back to work during an uncontrolled global pandemic, offer no solutions for the ongoing massive crisis of mental health, then have the unmitigated gall to act like nothing was happening.

People are blind. Christmas won't fix anything. Santa is more real than a clear solution to the long crisis which has dominated our reality since the end of the Cold War.

We snapped out of of our mad dance toward absolute, never-ending war. That dark god of blood was satiated once our

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

I work as a private investigator and it’s not at all as glamours as you would think. Nearly all of my cases involve spying on cheating spouses. I’m really the only P.I in the area so if you gave a cheating spouse, I'm the only real option. I’ve never helped the police ion a case and figured that was something movies and books made up. I’ve done two missing persons cases because the families were so desperate for leads. In the end, I didn’t find anything useful so I didn’t charge them for my time. I sent the cases off to other private investigators a few cities away. They also came up empty even with police connections and that made me feel slightly less useless.

In short, my career has been pitiful. Nothing interesting has ever happened. I felt as if I would be stuck with cheating cases until I died. Then, I met him.

I was sitting in my car waiting for a couple to come out of a motel. I’d gotten shots of the husband and the side piece, now I just needed a time stamped photo of them leaving. It was boring work and I normally played audio books or podcasts while I waited. A tapping on my window startled me. I wasn’t expecting anyone to come up to my car. I was parked legally so at first, I assumed it was a person asking for spare change. It happened from time to time in the rougher parts of town. But the person who was trying to get my attention wasn’t begging for change. He was dressed in a suit. Unable to figure out who the hell he was, I rolled down my window while keeping an eye on the motel.

“You're Skyler West, correct? I am here to ask for your assistance.” He flashed on official looking badge. His voice was monotone and emotionless.

Overall, I got a weird vibe from him. He was dressed in a suit, but his hair color was unnatural. A strange orange verging on pink in the right light. And it was long enough to be pulled back into a small ponytail. He couldn’t be a detective or any kind of job in law enforcement with hair dyed like that. Also, instead of calling, he approached my car. Not my office, but he cornered me on a job.

“I didn’t catch your name, or your creds. You flashed your badge too fast.” I commented leaning out the window.

He paused while placing the badge back inside his suit pocket unaware of how quickly he showed it. His eyes creeped me out. They were dark and as emotionless as his voice.

“I apologize. I am Nicolas Flint. I work as a government agent, however this job I am approaching you about is more of a personal iss

First Part

Previous Part

***

Caden finished his incantation, the swirling strands of energy coalescing to form the shape of a tiny butterfly. The magical construct emerged from the light at the end of his staff, fluttering as though blown by a breeze as it flew off down the tunnel ahead of them.

“We did it!” he exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air triumphantly. “We must be near another exit! All we have to do now is follow the butterfly, and we should come out on the other side of the ridge.” He turned to look at Kadal, his wide smile faltering as he saw that she wasn’t joining him in his celebration. “What’s wrong?”

“I...have not been truthful,” she replied, her tail flicking back and forth on the cave floor. “After all that has happened, you deserve to know what awaits you.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked warily.

“I make no excuses for my behavior,” she continued, avoiding looking him in the eye as she examined the far wall intently. “When it became clear that I could not defeat you by my own hand, and that I could not return home without your head, I devised a plan to trap you. You must understand,” she added hurriedly, “I felt that I had no other choice. The headhunters who are tracking us are not from my tribe, they do not know me. They have been following the trails of two people, a battlemage, and a hunter who has been traveling in his company. What other conclusion could they come to other than betrayal? The only way for me to find safe passage back to my village would be to present them with your head, to prove my loyalty beyond any doubt.”

She looked miserable, Caden could see that she deeply regretted her decision, but he waited for her to elaborate before offering his forgiveness. What exactly had she done?

“Beyond this ridge lies the Whale Graveyard,” she continued. “It is a sacred place to my people, where our ancestors sourced the ivory for their blessed weapons. The land is inhabited by a savage beast of immense strength, a fiend that we call The Eater of Bones. It was my intention to lead you into its lair so that you might meet your fate at its hands.”

“You were going to feed me to a monster?” he asked, raising an eyebrow incredulously. “Is it some kind of animal? What does it look like? Why would you imagine that an animal would be able to stop me when organized hunting parties

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

The decedent was found lying face down in the sand (with his hands above his head) by residents of the local area of Ventura County Line beach. His fully-clothed body had appeared to come ashore after he had spent a relatively short period of time in the water, as it is believed that the victim died after the beginning of the new year. The cause of death in the autopsy report (which I received recently) is listed as "drowning"

The victim is considered to have been generally facially recognizable upon discovery, although some aspects of his appearance were slightly altered as a result of postmortem changes.

There are several indications that the decedent had originated from Europe. The victim was found with a large quantity of Swiss currency, which was mixed in with American money. He was also found with several articles of clothing that appear to have originated from Spain and Portugal.

Characteristics

• Brown hair, about 20 cm (roughly eight inches) long
• Corneal clouding from decomposition prevented conclusive determination of his eye color.
• He had short fingernails and increased keratin in his right fifth toe.
• He was not circumcised.

Clothing and accessories

• Brown, velvet-like money pouch
• Black jacket with plaid lining and corduroy collar
• Black, long-sleeved, size Large Michael Jackson t-shirt (made in Portugal)
• A white short sleeve polo shirt with the logo "Heineken Beer" over the left chest. The label says "Especially made for Heinekens EL". (made in Portugal)
• Light blue jeans with the name "Larri" on waist buttons. The jeans also had a label reading, "Manager-Madrid-Larri". (Larri is a brand of jeans that was produced in Spain in the 80's and 90's)
• Blue Jockey underwear, size medium
• White socks with red-and-white trim at the top.
• White Adidas low-top tennis shoes in good condition (made in Taiwan).
• The decedent also had a broken yellow metal chain, which may have once belonged to a watch.

Autopsy report :

in the external examination :

-"Tied around the neck quite tightly up under the chin above the Adam's apple is a double wrap of cloth, cotton-like grey with vertical black and light red stripes which is attached through the handles of a plastic shopping bag like device. The bag is approx 13.5 to 15 inches, the bottom half has been eroded or chipped open. The material itself appears to have been taken from something like a sports shirt or some such device"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

Link to part 1.

Link to part 2.

Link to part 3.

Link to part 4.

Link to part 5.

Link to part 6.

11: KANDAWIRE

• Kandawire is escaping the Palace, to rendezvous with her approaching insurgent convoy:

>The roads passed in a blur of noise, slurred movement and gathering anxiety. Whole sectors seemed to have fractured into a state of confusion, buffeted by both the ferocity of the storm and a gathering sense of inchoate fear. Things had never been quite settled here – there had always been an air of impermanence, of transience. Order had been imposed in the fullest sense by the promise of a better future, rather than the reality of life in the outer city – people were still poor, they were still hungry, and it didn’t take much to scratch below the surface of that to reveal the fear beneath.
>
>***‘It all degrades so fast,’ Kandawire mused, looking idly through the condensation-misted viewport.***
>
>The groundcars had powered down the main transitways*, looping between empty spires and teeming hab-blocks,* kicking up sprays of snow and slithering about even on their chains. In the established centre, under the imperfect shadow of the mighty Senatorum Imperialis, things were more or less as they always had been, but once they got further out, into the suburban sprawl and semi-solid mass of shanty dwellings, the strictures became looser, and the inhabitants knew a little more about what was going on beyond those semi-complete walls.
>
>The Arbites were out in force, though even their lumpen personnel carriers slipped and blew gaskets in this foul gale. A handful of suppressor aircraft battled through the storm, searchlights piercing the gloom in fleeting sweeps. *Some crowds were milling uncertainly – many were heading further in, others seemed to be making for the perimeter sectors, their masked faces lowered against the sto

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

What patterns and explain*

And now I’m cannelloni

The decedent was found lying face down in the sand (with his hands above his head) by residents of the local area of Ventura County Line beach. His fully-clothed body had appeared to come ashore after he had spent a relatively short period of time in the water, as it is believed that the victim died after the beginning of the new year. The cause of death in the autopsy report (which I received recently) is listed as "drowning"

The victim is considered to have been generally facially recognizable upon discovery, although some aspects of his appearance were slightly altered as a result of postmortem changes.

There are several indications that the decedent had originated from Europe. The victim was found with a large quantity of Swiss currency, which was mixed in with American money. He was also found with several articles of clothing that appear to have originated from Spain and Portugal.

Characteristics

• Brown hair, about 20 cm (roughly eight inches) long
• Corneal clouding from decomposition prevented conclusive determination of his eye color.
• He had short fingernails and increased keratin in his right fifth toe.
• He was not circumcised.

Clothing and accessories

• Brown, velvet-like money pouch
• Black jacket with plaid lining and corduroy collar
• Black, long-sleeved, size Large Michael Jackson t-shirt (made in Portugal)
• A white short sleeve polo shirt with the logo "Heineken Beer" over the left chest. The label says "Especially made for Heinekens EL". (made in Portugal)
• Light blue jeans with the name "Larri" on waist buttons. The jeans also had a label reading, "Manager-Madrid-Larri". (Larri is a brand of jeans that was produced in Spain in the 80's and 90's)
• Blue Jockey underwear, size medium
• White socks with red-and-white trim at the top.
• White Adidas low-top tennis shoes in good condition (made in Taiwan).
• The decedent also had a broken yellow metal chain, which may have once belonged to a watch.

Autopsy report :

in the external examination :

-"Tied around the neck quite tightly up under the chin above the Adam's apple is a double wrap of cloth, cotton-like grey with vertical black and light red stripes which is attached through the handles of a plastic shopping bag like device. The bag is approx 13.5 to 15 inches, the bottom half has been eroded or chipped open. The material itself appears to have been taken from something like a sports shirt or