My dog lost his favorite toy this week...

It was arf-ul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VAOkie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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What did the dog say when he threw his old chew toy away?

It was nice gnawing you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fullmiz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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My wife bought all these dog toys, but Scooter here isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to do.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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I throw my dog's toy short distances...

It's not that far fetched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toleary520
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
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My wife is gonna make a great dad someday.

So my wife and I are house/petsitting for some friends of ours. They have two cats, and a ten month old German Shepard. Being ten months old, the puppy is still a little rowdy. Tonite, after we took him for a walk, we let him kind of hang out in the house.

He still wanted to play, and jammed his elephant toy in my wife's face as she sat on the couch crocheting. She pulled back and he jammed it into her chest, then released and bit down to get a better grip on the toy.

In doing so he just clipped my wife's ahem nipple. She immediately pushed the dog away and grabbed the affected area. I stood up to help, somehow, and asked her if she was okay.

She looked me straight in the eye and said "Yeah, it's just a little nip." I couldn't be more proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alfrohawk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
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Daughter made us proud today

The dog chewed one end off of a bone shaped squeaky toy. She put it on her finger and said, "Look, my finger is really bony!" Guess we're doing the parenting thing right!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ylaena_chance
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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My dad got my sister yesterday

My sister was throwing a toy to our dog, and saying "catch it, catch it!"

My dad from the kitchen shouted. "Evie, stop swearing. Besides, she's a dog"

That got groans from both of us...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phoenix963
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2015
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It's what's for dinner

While my girls were playing with their new doll house, they were making their dolls say they were hungry.

Me: * grabs toy dog and toy BBQ. Places dog on grill *

Oldest: what are you doing? That's not very nice.

Me: we're having * lifts lid off Bbq * hot dogs!

Wife: * rolls eyes *

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrainAss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
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Friend got me with a carrot.

I'm over at my bff's house for game night. Her dogs have been playing with a chew toy shaped like a carrot that has little treats in it. I go and sit on the couch, where the carrot happens to be.

Me: "Ew, I don't want this carrot by me"

Friend: Would you say you don't Carrot all for it?

I laughed so hard because I really do appreciate dad jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunnitron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2016
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Got my son on his birthday

OK, yesterday was my sons 6th birthday and he wanted some sort of dog-robot for present but i didnt want to trow money away because i know what they (he and second son) do with toys :) so i told my wife that i would buy him skateboard, because he asked it half-year ago for it, wife said ok, but please buy him also new slippers.

I picked up him from nursery and sit him in his seat and asked him what he want for present, he still wanted robot. Then i told him that i want to buy him something he can ride. He was so exited, he asked me is that a car, i said " can u drive", he said "no, i am too yung", then he asked is that motorbyke, i replayed same, then he asked is that bike, i aksed him, does he already have bike, and he replayed yes, alse happend for scooter. After that he didnt have any more ideas. Then i told him that i will bought him slippers, because u ride slippers (sords of it :D) he was so angry/mad/sad i cant explan :D

ofc i bought him skateboard, but that was so funny for me, that look on his face when he heard slippers, omg

sry for grammar and bad english

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goodye
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
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Baby tried to feed a tennis ball to a plush moose...

9 month old is trying to be generous, and puts teething toys (or anything he can grab) in other people's mouths. It's very nice.

He had one of the dog's tennis balls, and tried to put it in this giant stuffed moose's mouth.

Me to wife: "He seems so concerned that it's not eating."

Wife to me: "Well, he hasn't eaten in years."

Me to wife: "He can't eat any more, he's stuffed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/surfrock66
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2015
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Ole Mother Hubbard

I was laying in bed with my lady, teasing her some and she says
'No I don't like that'
"I was just playing with you"
'That's not the kind of playing I want right now'
"Well that drawer next to you (with all our sex toys ect.) is still closed"
'No I don' want to do any of that tonight'
"Just some good old fashioned penis and vagina old mother hubbard sex?"
'yes'
"well at least you're giving the dog a bone"
facepalms and sighs ensued ;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slm_87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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