I don't have tags for my dog, but I bought her a phone in case she got lost. She ran away today.

I really should collar.

👍︎ 24
💬︎
👤︎ u/vaxis2113
📅︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Mom wants to get the dog a new tag...

So my mother is discussing the dog, saying we should get a new tag for her collar and she says, "let's make sure we get a cell phone and not just the home phone on it"

And dad walks in and says, "won't that be pretty heavy?"

👍︎ 934
💬︎
📅︎ May 29 2014
🚨︎ report
My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex...

They are his watch dogs.

👍︎ 4k
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Cheat sheet for Dads on Halloween

What is a Vampire favorite fruit?

  • Neckterines

What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?

  • Blood hounds

How does a ghost cry?

  • Boo Hoo

What does a skeleton always say before he eats?

  • Bone Appetite

What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?

  • Skeleton Key

Why do Vampires need mouthwash?

  • Because they have bat breath

What kinds of street do Zombies like?

  • Dead ends.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

  • Frost Bite

What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?

  • Meals on wheels

What does a vampire never at a restaurant?

  • A stake sandwich

What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?

  • It's a pain in the neck.

Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?

  • To give a Screech

What does a ghosts have for dessert?

  • I-Scream

What is a skeletons favorite instrument?

  • A trombone

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

  • A Lab

Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?

EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...

👍︎ 8
💬︎
👤︎ u/Gnolaum
📅︎ Oct 31 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.