I said, "Ehh..well, one time I did bite the legs off a gingerbread man"..
I said, 'Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'
Para-normal 🤔🤦♂️
I used to be a crustaceologist that specialised in lobsters. I loved what I did, but I couldn't even get out of the house on my own after the accident, much less go to work. I fell into a deep depression.
My scientist friends wanted to cheer me up, and so they engineered a robot lobster that I could take care of. It was incredibly smart and slowly became my best friend. It was incredibly friendly and playful. It made every day a little bit brighter. I loved it like my own child. I named it Amy, after my beloved daughter that had moved away. For the first time since my disability, I started to feel truly happy. Motivated, I decided to go for brain surgery and finally get past the entire incident. It was risky, but I made it through. Life is better than its ever been now, and I owe it all to that one robot that changed it all.
Everything is so much better now, all thanks to my Lob-bot amy
It really confused me when HR told me it was a STD.
(This actually happened to me. HR emailed my insurance company telling them that I have a STD injury. Now I use the joke all of the time)
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
When we turned to look at what happened, he says, "Its tourettes, I swear..."
The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
You can hide, but you can't run.
To fix the blinds
Hand Solo
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
All his opponents seem to have the upper hand.
I'm just lack-toes intolerant.
I’d watch it if I were you,
He should've named it a Handy Cap
He was temper errorly disabled
Icepergers
I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...
PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer?
And I reply, “it’s more of a preserve, than a jam.”
She stood him up.
Easy, you just need to have parking son's
He filed an ap-peel.
The doctor disabled my pop up blocker
I work at a house and take care of two gentlemen with mental disabilities who live there. One of them dropped this gem today:
Him: What would happen if I didn't have a mouth? I couldn't talk. What would happen if I didn't have a nose? I couldn't smell. What would happen if I didn't have any ears? I couldn't see. Me: Do you mean you couldn't hear? Him: No, my hat would fall down and cover my eyes.
Love is a disability. Don't love or don't spread love.
I'm starting a blog as a disabled writer consisting of anecdotal posts about the funny, but unusual circumstances my disability and wheelchair put me in. Any names that come to mind? Particularly fond of blogs titles like Laughing at My Nightmare and Bag Lady Moma. I'm in a wheelchair and have 24/7 care, my disability is Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)... go as wild as you like
Turns out I needed to have cookies disabled.
He disabled his pop-up blocker.
A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless
The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference.
On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.
