Dirty Joke Puns

It was really crude.

A white horse fell in mud

I'm not sure what the joke was, but somebody should get his head out of the gutter.

So little jimmy was playing in some mud and he had to take a bath

A kid fell in a mud puddle.

He was petrified

Go clean your room.

It always comes out clean.

Nobody pays 50 bucks for a lentil on the face

Hebrew it.

I was helping an elderly man load some garden soil into his car and he remarked that the peat moss was more expensive then the soil I looked at him and said "that's because soil is dirt cheap."

A white horse fell in the mud.

I always hated this joke. Figured I'd let it torment you too.

Your mudder...

Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.

So my "uncle" Frank and my dad have known each other since college where they were roommates together for all 4 years. One joke they keep going between them surely pulls a few laughs from everyone in the vicinity.

So whenever they get together, the drinks are not far behind. So here is how it plays out...

Dad: (you want some) liquor?

Frank: lick her? I barely know her!!

And they start cracking up.

They do the same thing for poker.

Edit: Formatting

A pig fell in the mud. 🐖😑

Also, when we were little and my sister (I'm 29/f, she's 2 years my junior) would cry and scream and beg about not getting what she want, my dad would always ask her "Who built the ark?" That shit always pissed her off and me too sometimes but it's def funny now.

One more from him .. when we go out to eat he always tries to hand us a straw but it's really just the wrapper he made to look like there was one still in there.

Our morning show DJ's were doing a story about a woman who seduced a man and tried to kill him with a gun she had concealed in her vagina.

DJ - "She was concealing a re-VULVA. Thank you, good night."

So my dad told me this joke several years ago. I later found it on the internet. So I'm just pasting it here as it is written online:

A good looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said ‘I want to be a movie star.’ Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, ‘What’s your name?’

The guy said, ‘My name is Penis van Lesbian.’

The agent said, ‘Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood you are going to have to change your name.’

‘I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever!’

The agent said, ‘Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years… you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I’m telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.’

‘So be it! I guess we will not do business together’ the guy said and he left the agent’s office.

FIVE YEARS LATER….. The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed:

Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood and you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke

After my little brother told me a vulgar joke and my dad heard it:

Dad: Not bad, want to hear another dirty joke?

Bro: Yea sure

Dad: Three white horses fell in the mud.

(Dad starts cracking up as he walks away, brother shakes his head and goes back to PS3)

"So it'll freeze the shit out of you."

Also,

"Here I sit all brokenhearted: tried to shit and only farted."

(I was complaining to him that I had a stiff neck, clearly he thinks he's hilarious lol)

http://imgur.com/blH5vKf

A cow fell in the mud.

A white horse fell in the mud.

A white horse in a mud puddle.

A white horse fell in mud

A horse jumped in mud

Four white horses fell in some mud.

The man fell in the mud.

A white horse fell in the mud.

A pig fell in the mud. Really dirty joke? Two pigs fell in the mud.

A boy fell in the mud

A man fell in the mud!

Wanna hear a clean joke?

He took a bath with bubbles!

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles was his neighbor's wife!

A white horse fell in the mud!