SLPT: If your priest or bishop is molesting your children, tell them to run away in a straight line as priests and bishops can only move diagonally. /r/ShittyLifeProTips/comm…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heisenberg4269
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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I’m not a fan of diagonally-cut sandwiches

I find them two crusty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterblobbie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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I think it is best to slice vegetables diagonally,

but I'm biased.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rover359
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
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When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.

Classic rook-y mistake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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Rolling diagon-ALLEY too
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anime_forever03
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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A Bishop's Twitter Post
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealAjmera
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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My diarrhea is gone

I guess you could say it’s gonorrhea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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Wanna hear a diagonal joke ?

Coming right up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fforfan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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My wife and I are both diagonal sleepers.

We have X every night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mydisillusion
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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The bishop who came to my church was an impostor.

Never once did he move diagonally.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolmanc123
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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When asked where his two new brooms were from, Harry Potter replied:

From the bargain store down on Diagon Alley, they were a Quidditch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyBeast_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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The Church of England has finally approved of female bishops.

Now British women are finally free to move diagonally.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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My wife says: The bishop was sitting only a few seats away from me.

My wife says "the bishop was sitting only a few seats away from me at the ceremony today!"

So I asked her, "were you sitting diagonally from him?"

She says "no?"

So I tell her, "then I don't think you were in any danger."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3Element05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2016
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I heard that Ben bishop isn’t so good in the net

I guess he can only move diagonally

(Courtesy of my dad while watching the Dallas Stars game)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primusmulti
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Teaching my 11yo son the Pythagorean theorem today.

A plane takes off from an airport in a diagonal ascent for 8km. 5km from the liftoff point a passenger flushes a turd down the toilet. Right then a farmer with a pair if binoculars watching the plane from directly underneath the aircraft sees the turd jettisoned, and exclaims. That's a high pot in use!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vmlinux
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
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Linear Algebra Dad joke

Did you hear about the movie where Neo discovered who he was?

It was called:

|1000|

|0100|

|0010|

|0001|

Turns out he was the determinant of the diagonal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lord_dumbello
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2014
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