An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are stranded on desert island.

Whilst gathering food, they find a magical golden lamp. The Englishman says β€œrub the lamp!” They do, and a genie appears. β€œI only have three wishes to offer,” he says, β€œso I’ll give you one wish each.

The Englishman says, β€œI’d like to be living in a penthouse in London with Β£1,000,000 in my bank account.” His wish is granted.

The Scotsman says β€œI’d love to live in a renovated Scottish castle with Β£2,000,000 in my bank account.” His wish is granted.

The genie then turns to the Irishman: β€œAnd what do you wish for?” The Irishman says to the genie, β€œIt’s getting a bit lonely here, can I have the other two back?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LTAD2108
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Me: "What would you eat on a desert island."

Dad: "The sand which is there."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatrickKnight99
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2017
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Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie"

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: β€˜I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teachdis
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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If you ever get stranded on a desert island, light a bonfire on the beach

Trust me, it's a shore fire way to get attention

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onecalledtree
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
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If I could just bring one thing with me to a remote deserted Island..

..then I probably wouldn't bother going.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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A coconut tree in a deserted island

Is a trope-ical plant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keyrover
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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The best thing about being on a deserted island with a pair of twins?

Starting fires are easy since each of them will always have a match!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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A red ship and a blue ship crash on a deserted island

They were marooned

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samwise3s
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2017
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If Donald trump and Hilary Clinton we’re stuck on a deserted island, who would survive?

America

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πŸ‘€︎ u/romanator25
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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A man crashed a boat full of Viagra on a deserted island.

He was extremely hard on himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2018
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What happens when a red pirate ship and a brown pirate ship meet on a deserted island?

They get marooned

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are stranded on a deserted island

Sherlock says: We need to get off of this island!

Watson says: No ship, Sherlock!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FwostBytee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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How would you describe a TV clicker on a distant deserted island?

Remote

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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How many years did Robinson Crusoe spend on a deserted island?

Zero. Once he arrived, the island was no longer deserted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneReddit123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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three sisters

Three sisters stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each sister one wish.

β€œI want to go home,” says the oldest sister. The genie grants her wish.

β€œI want to go home, too,” says the youngest sister. And the genie sends her back home.

β€œI’m lonely,” says the middle child. β€œI sure wish my sisters were back here."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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The Man, the Sheep and the Dog

a man, a sheep and a dog are the only survivors of a shipwreck and get marooned on a desert island with more than enough food. days, weeks and months pass and the only thing the can look forward to on the island everyday is the beautiful sunset! every evening the man, the sheep and the dog go and watch the sunset... one day the man attempted to put his arm around the sheep and the dog goes crazy so he has to retract his arm. he angrily exclaims "I was just cuddling!" the next evening they are back on the beach and the man sees something out to sea... after further investigation he sees it is a unconscious woman on a raft! the man swims out and rescues the woman, takes her to shore and nurses her back to health they begin chatting and get on incredibly well, she was a beautiful young woman with a great sense of humour. the next evening the man, the woman, the sheep and the dog go to the beach to watch the sunset as per usual... whilst sitting on the beach the woman looked up at the man, and he looked back at her. she says how can I ever repay you? the man then says "you can you take the dog for a walk?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frzr-csgo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2015
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