My teacher asked me to make a sentence with the word defence, defeat and detail

When a horse jumps over defence defeat go first the detail

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defence...

I’ve had a lot on my plate recently.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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What kind of self defence do vegans use?

Tofu

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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The instructor in my self defence class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

Personally, I think it’s nuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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I attended a self-defence course.

At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me...Β£380."

"I refuse to pay," I told him.

"You have to," he insisted.

"Well then, you'll have to fight me for it."

So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me bloody, bruised and beaten.

He said, "Β£380. Cough it up."

"No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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In my defence I was super tired this morning and definitely not prepared for being dad-joked at 6am.

I had just entered the kitchen and my dad was about to go out the front door, when he suddenly turned to me and simply said "pussy".

Me: "for what?"

Dad: "Pussy!"

Me: "I don't get it!"

And THEN HE JUST WALKED AWAY giggling like he always does, and slammed the door. My last words were just echoing in my head after the complete silence he'd left me in, which made it so much more embarrassing.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2015
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My son told me that boredom was killing him

So I signed him for self defence class

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spydercop69
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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When asked what a drawbridge is, I always shrug.

I think it's a defence mechanism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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I just got fired from my job as a palaeontologist because I didn't recognise a female Stegosaurus.

In my defence I'd only ever dug up Tyrannosaurus Rex, so I'd never seen herbivore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1901pies
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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I’ve just been charged for killing a man using sandpaper

In my defence I only intended to rough him up a little bit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Micktheprivz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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A lawyer dropped his phone but it didn't break.

He had the perfect case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AVeryFondOreo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2016
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This is a joke from my dad today...

So we were at my football game discussing what positions everyone was playing. This is how the conversation went.

Dad: okay so who's playing in de gate?

The team: confused what do you mean, where is de gate?

Dad: oh, its next to defence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baino39
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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Vegans must think we meat eaters are gross.

In our defence, a person who sells vegetables is grocer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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Did you hear about the prisoner who escaped after dismantling his cell?

They're calling it self defence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilentIntrusion
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Friend's dad actually said this a few years ago

On a hiking trip, our group reached a fork in the path with a short wooden fence in the middle. My friend's dad took a break and sat on the wooden fence, while the other adults in the group looked at the map to choose which way to go.

They couldn't come to a conclusion and asked my friend's dad which way he thinks is better, and he immediately replied, "I don't know guys; I'm on the fence about this one."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginsunuva
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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We were watching Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

My boyfriend: "I mean, Marion got captured because she did NAZI them coming. You get it? She did NAZI them coming. HA. Anne Frankly, I didn't see how you didn't get it. If I keep going this is gonna be holocaustly."

We don't even have kids yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/souwant2bcliche
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2015
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The prosecution in the pistorius case has come forward with new evidence

The defence is stumped

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaintySload
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2013
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Not again, GOD DAMN IT!

When watching a football match, and someone in the room says:

"Where's the defence!?"

My Dad: "Next to the de gate!"

Every fucking time. It's worse when he sets himself up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valinor_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defence...

I've had a lot on my plate recently.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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My girlfriend said I’m getting fat...

But in my defence, I’ve had a lot on my plate recently

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotASR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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