My Visa was declined at the sweater store
So the cashier asked me for my cardigan.
Did you hear when Joe Pesci broke his arm, he was offered a role of a mafia king pin turned stenographer. He declined the role…
Because he didn’t want to be typecast.
When the chef declined to serve the meat of the cows who used marijuana frequently
Chris Rock just declined the invite to host 2023 Academy Awards.
That's a real shame, last time he hosted it absolutely slapped
Why did the smuggler decline transporting the window?
He realized it would be be a pane in the butt
Hedgehog numbers have declined this year
Though recently there has been a spike
A man offered me a free 72 ounce steak if I could finish it in 30 minutes or less. I politely declined...
Upon further thought, it was a huge missed steak.
Did you hear the judge declined to charge the mail lady with fraud?
He letter get away with it.
I declined an offer for a well paying job.
What am I going to do with all those wells anyway?
For Christmas, I asked Mariah Carey if I could get her a big open space to park her cars, but she declined
She said “I don’t want a lot for Christmas”
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?
Now, whenever someone mentions Botox nobody raises an eyebrow.
When should we start worrying about declining bear populations?
When we reach the bear minimum.
The janitor asked if I wanted to smoke weed with him. I declined...
I don't deal with high maintenance people
My date told me we should have dinner again, but I declined
The zombie genre may be in decline...
My friend dared me to eat cooked beef laced with weed. I declined, because it was too risky and I have too much to lose.
The steaks are just too high.
How does Ukraine politely decline a Russian invasion?
A car salesman offered to trade his product for 8 legs of venison but i declined
I had to get two limbs amputated in an American hospital
Unsurprisingly, it cost an arm and a leg
Fun fact: Canada was almost annexed unto the US.
The US declined, though. They didn't want Nunavut.
Why couldn't Anakin Skywalker buy lunch?
Because his master card was declined!
I was at the gym today. I saw a guy propose to his girlfriend, but she said no
Their relationship didn't work out
Why did the man decline to aid in his local kitsune repopulation program?
Because he had no fox to give! 🦊
A husband and wife were shopping in Ancient Rome
The husband took a L toga and showed it to her wife.
The wife said , “I’m big, but I’m not that big! Get me a smaller size.
So the husband returned the L toga and grabbed the XL one.
The wife replied, “That’s better.”
A travel salesperson tried to sell me on trip to northern Europe. I declined, but
then he Sweden'd the offer.
I declined my friend's invite for dinner at the local grill, but I instantly regretted it after she sent me photos of their huge portions.
It was a big missed steak.
My friends invited me to dinner on a rooftop patio last week but I declined…
The steaks were too high.
How does Darth Vader like to pay?
Using his WhatIsThyBiddingMyMastercard
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "let's make this interesting."
So we stopped playing chess.
The decline of music in the 70s...
1969 Fleetwood Mac - Albatross
1977 ABBA - Eagle
>!1981 The Birdie Song!<
I was at work and caught the janitor lady out back with a joint, and she asked if I'd like to join, but I declined.
I don't vibe with high maintenance women.
I went to an Internet cafe, but they declined my credit card.
I went to the rock-wall place but my debit card was declined, so I had to pay with the coins in my car’s center console.
It was my climb-it change.
y=mx+b jokes are great
but at some point we'll have to draw the line
The name Lance is in a dramatic decline...
Though in the Middle Ages, people were called Lancelot!
My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr. Strange on DVD, but I declined.
I had Stranger Things to watch.
Why does Russia have a declining population?
What's common between your mental health and your bank account....
....both need a good amount of balance to keep you going.
Are you a bank loan?
Because you’ve got my interest.
What's your favourite Bond movie?
My son brought a girl home for dinner, and we didn’t have an extra chair so I stood. He tried to offer me his…
But I declined his chair-ity.
The egg population is rapidly declining
Be sure to watch out for egg poachers
Eminem declined to write a song for the new IT movie
He thought clowns already had too much of a bad rap
Puns needed! My Bank has allowed me to customise my card….
What can we do with this!
I’m struggling here, help a punner out!
I can also add a little drawing if this helps!
“Shut up, and take my money!”
“Get out of jail free card!”
“Don’t tel my wife about this card!”
“If this declines I’m stealing this!”
There's a holographic version of Pablo Escobar touring the world he tried to sell me a G, but I declined...
I knew it would just be a hollow gram.
The Zombie genre may be in decline
I went to the store to buy a sweater but my Visa was declined…
So I had to try the cardigan.
I went to the store to by a sweater but my visa was declined
So I had to try the cardigan
Edit: thank you anonymous donor
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