If anyone is looking to have a custom ark built for them

I Noah guy

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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What do you call a prostitute who locks her customers in the basement!?

A Whoarder!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourAnimateJonnyV
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Customer: Do you have any books on turtles?

Store owner: Hard cover?

Customer: Yes, with little heads

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tvz32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits to your house in 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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What did the soy sauce salesmen say to his customer?

Let me shoyu what I've got.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Customer: I want to return this vaccum cleaner.

Salesperson: Why? Customer: It sucks.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harrytheharami
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Where is the customer never right?

At the Leftorium

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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What did the produce employee say to the customer as they walked in?

Lettuce wow you!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wormholewanderer1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A bar near me has an event once a week where a guy called Michael freely allows the customers to perform surgery on him...

It's an open Mike night.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slatersays22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How does the German baker greet his customers ?

Gluten Morgen

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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What did the customer say when the stone carver messed up his tombstone?

You've made a grave mistake...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinner_cat96
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied β€˜yeh but that’s rare’
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Just got my new custom Billfold in the mail
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenbean4711
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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I would do anything to get more customers at my restaurant to order the meat loaf.

But I won’t do that.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Customers always ask if I take tips

But I say no since I don't like change

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain-Americano
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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How does Chipotle' inform their customers that their order is ready?

...by tex-mexage.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmatlack1023
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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There was a robbery at the local Apple store today.

Its ok though, they caught the guy, there was an iWitness.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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What did the Eastern European waiter say to the customer when he asked where the food was?

I’ll Serb you shortly sir.

(Eastern Euro joke 3/7)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkkiller1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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My boss told me to wear rubber gloves while dealing with customers this week. I told him β€œFuck that.”

I’m doing these prostate exams my way.

πŸ‘︎ 326
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WitnessChemical
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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I got fired when I asked a customer if he preferred smoking or non smoking.

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Despite a grave outlook on the economy and a dying customer base, one industry for sure won't be going under anytime soon:

Death care.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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So I started dating an OBGYN that said her job was more dangerous than mine.

So I asked what her riskiest encounter was. She said she did not know, but she learned early to give mothers with fat babies a wide berth.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/numberthu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 679
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."

Said the city's most hated cab driver.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Custom made Exit signs are all the rage nowadays in my town.

But I think they are on the way out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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What did the customer say to the waiter when he asked if he preferred this type of meal?

Of course

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moony-7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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After the events of Avengers: Endgame, Professor Hulk opened a custom woodworking business

It was called Bruce Banisters

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllanCD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Customer: I have a question about the menu please.

Server: slaps customer THE MEN I PLEASE ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HIGHxCLASSxHOBO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Excellent customer service.

I bought a T-Shirt the other day but it kept giving me static electric shocks every time I tried to wear it.

I took it back to the store and they kindly replaced it with another one free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PringyUK
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-Smoking".

Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial"

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ht-18
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElvisGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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I got caught coming through customs with a large sculpture of Beethoven’s head

The customs officer said it was their biggest bust ever!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Snail car

One day a snail went to a car dealership, he said to the dealer. I want a custom car, a car that’s very fast and had a big s on the side. The dealer said ok and the snail paid. 3 weeks later the snail got a call that his car was ready. When the snail went back to the dealership for his car and the dealer asked him why he snail wanted a big s on the side, and the snail said β€œI’ve been very slow all my life, so when I’m going down the freeway at high speeds, I want people to look over and say look at that escargot”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neg12DollaBill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Trucker's Breakfast

A trucker came intoΒ  a Truck Stop CafΓ© and placed his order with the waitress. He said "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said.Β  "'three flat tires' mean three pancakes; 'a pair of headlights' are two eggs sunny side up; and 'a pair of running boards' are 2 slices of crisp bacon!"

"Oh.. OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrBobShelton_74
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Local barber in the area got arrested for selling drugs.

Blew my mind. I’ve been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

πŸ‘︎ 239
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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My customers keep complaining that they're receiving empty boxes with no contacts in them

but they're the ones that keep requesting contactless delivery!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
On a video of a custom 2 Fort map that excludes the middle area (Team Fortress 2)
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islarf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Customer: Do you have fish sticks?

Waitress: Certainly not! We don't serve any kind of animal genitalia!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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Customer Service imgur.com/Tn9n136
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChuckZombie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Amazon has started a new service where you will get custom made shirts delivered within 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Amazon is starting a new service where they deliver custom made shirts to your door within 48 hours.

They are calling it Tailor Swift.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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