What do you call a moose that crosses the red sea?

Mooses.

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cringemuffin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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Q: What do you get when a chicken crosses a pig?

A: Beef

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sevenaces
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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Bolt crosses the Finish line to win another gold medal [2016]
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_wastl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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How do you ask the bridge that crosses New York's Hudson River between Tarrytown and Nyack if it speaks German?

Tappan Zee Deutsche?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mftheoryArts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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If Luis Fonsi crosses the border...

...does he become trespacito?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_MrFlippy_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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I got a tattoo of a clock on my foot while playing noughts and crosses.

Tick-Tock-Toe

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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What do you call it when a joint crosses the street?

J- walking

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_chupacabra611
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
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What would you call a chicken who crosses the road while abiding by road laws

Legal tender

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StickmanSham
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2016
🚨︎ report
My grandmother has many religious statues, crosses, and cats in her house.

No doubt she's a Cat-holic.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/23farendheight
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2017
🚨︎ report
What is it called when Gatsby crosses the street?

Jaywalking.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afistofirony
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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Why are Lab-Collie crosses so good in teams?

They're natural Collaboradors!

(Sorry)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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Studying for my MCAT when I came across this passage in Verbal.

I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]

Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, β€œA pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.

Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, β€œIt is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: β€œA pun is the lowest form of humorβ€”when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: β€œ...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”

Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, β€œTo trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”

Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.

Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zil2mz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Did I tell you guys about the cross-eyed teacher?

She couldn’t control her pupils.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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My vet picked up my dog, looked at him and confirmed that he was cross-eyed and that he had to be put down.

Confused and upset, I asked why.

The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Why did the tree cross the street?

They were opening a new branch on the other side

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarcityflow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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What do you get when you cross a pit bull and a computer?

Not sure !! But when it megabytes, it megahertz.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?

Elephino πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deleted_acc0unt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a centipede and a parrot?

A walkie-talkie

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickef
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong socks this morning.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My 9 year old told me this....What do you get when you cross a pig and an oven ??

Bakin'

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amart1985
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My son and I were waiting at a train crossing. He tells me "that train looks bigger than I remember"

So I say, "It's been training"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elnateo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a Elephant with a Rino?

Ele-phi-no.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unclebigfoote
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a angry cow?

you get two animals in a baaaaaaaad moooooooood

Edit: Thank u for the gold, kind stranger

πŸ‘︎ 781
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dudesxx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the most boring body of water to cross?

The Redundan-Sea

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/antirabbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't think of a better way to cross the lake

Canoe?

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alecdoconnor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ripmylasagna
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a hedgehog and a pig?

A porkupine.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My 5 year old just got me with this one: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

Frostbite!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilikecake81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
what do you get when you cross a shih tzu and a bulldog?

bullshit.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. β€œHey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”

Because the chicken had the day off.

Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.

Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)

πŸ‘︎ 678
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EagleTG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a porcupine and a dodgeball?

A painful game.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obese-Boy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?

About halfway.

πŸ‘︎ 295
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was poultry in motion.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2ndbreakfastfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you cross a shoe with a tent?

Boot camp!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a French Ruler and a grenade?

Napoleon Blown-Apart!!!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frugatti_cuse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I'd like to plug my wife's attempt to cross the Atlantic in a bath tub.

But it's too late....she sank.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the girl cross with the guy after he broke up with her?

Because she was an X.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperWizard7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border?

Me neither, I couldn't follow it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second hand store.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Timsonater
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross Scandinavian landscapes with an American car company?

A fjord fusion.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gabeeb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop cross dressing.

So I packed her things and left.

πŸ‘︎ 597
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dm-me-potatoes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Whar did the chicken say when he crossed the road?

I don't know, I couldn't hear him.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkateBoardEddie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have the guts.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

Ell if I no

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kevin407
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're going to take up Cross Country skiing...

It's best to start with a small Country.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To go to the auto repair shop to get his pick up cluck.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClearProgram
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road? (Punchline is different)

different

πŸ‘︎ 223
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gamerx1353
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyZ92
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic on the Titanic?

About halfway.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A chicken crossing the road...

is poultry in motion.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To see the chicken strip

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EHDAwesomeness
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the sperm cross the road today?

Because I wore the wrong Socks on...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waizun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road???

It was stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daymondotcom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you cross the Atlantic on the Titanic ?

About half way.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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