Never criticize your wifeβs decisions...
Because you were one of them!
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︎ Dec 09 2019
In China, you can criticize every Roman numeral from I to X.
But you can't criticize XI.
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︎ Oct 10 2019
To prevent your gyro meat from drying out, criticize it harshly while cooking.
Give it a good lamb basting.
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︎ Jun 14 2019
If I criticize you on your bad lip fillers...
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︎ Apr 27 2019
Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
...because then you will be a mile ahead of them. And have their shoes.
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︎ May 22 2018
People criticize shops for selling Christmas stuff too early...
Well, our supermarket sells birthday cakes and mine isn't for another 6 months!
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︎ Nov 28 2018
What did the banana say when it criticizes you for being rude?
Where are your bamanners?
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︎ Jan 31 2019
Before you criticize a man
You should walk a mile in his shoes.
That way you'll be a mile away and he'll have no shoes.
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︎ Aug 28 2015
Don't criticize my dad's grammar
He'll say without fail: "My grammar was a really nice lady, why would you say that about her?"
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︎ May 22 2014
You can always give punk rock bands constructive criticism...
They appreciate feedback.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Last night, I got fed up at my wife criticizing my sense of direction.
So I packed my bags and right.
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︎ Sep 29 2020
We had a critical issue at work today, the icons on the monitor screen were small
It took us a while to work out a proper resolution
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︎ Oct 13 2020
what do you called a website that talked about reading, and also criticized a lot.
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︎ Oct 03 2020
A critical decision.
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︎ Jun 07 2020
What do you call an insane critic?
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︎ Jun 23 2020
The comments on the post of a video where a man who flew from Emirates (using hot air balloons) and was found in Oman in a critical condition. I doubt if that video Israel..
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︎ Feb 29 2020
What way does a cyclops wing its eyeliner?
It doesn't matter, because Nobody will criticize them
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︎ Nov 16 2020
What did book critics think of the Communist Manifesto?
They gave it high Marx because it looked at many new Engels.
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︎ Jun 25 2020
The comments on the post of a video where a man who flew from Emirates (using hot air balloons) and was found in Oman in a critical condition. I doubt if that video Israel..
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︎ Feb 29 2020
My daughter just hit me with this over dinner.
We're sitting around having dinner, and my wife isn't feeling great about the cooking. My daughter (6) starts critiquing the sauce, talking about what she doesn't like. I told her that sometime you have to read the room and see whether people want their cooking criticized.
She looks at me and says "Dad, you can't read a room if there are no letters in it" and starts giggling.
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︎ Dec 08 2020
I saw the headline βTrump Attacks WHO chief Over Criticisms of U.S. Approach to Coronavirusβ and thought...
What the hell did Pete Townshend do?!?
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︎ Apr 08 2020
Has anyone seen the new film about fried eggs?
Apparently it's been panned by critics.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
I had a newly created job as Corporate Critic...
where I could criticize and demean other employees. But the job was eliminated and I was let go when my co-workers complained about my DISS-POSITION.
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︎ Jan 11 2020
Probiotics are a critical part of your diet
The health of your digestive system is too important to leave up to amateur biotics
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︎ Dec 19 2019
The art critic had to see a podiatrist.
He was diagnosed with aesthetes foot. (OC)
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︎ Feb 25 2020
Have you heard about the new movie, "Constipation"?
It's not coming out any time soon but early critics are giving it shit reviews.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $250,000 in large bills
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︎ Dec 05 2019
I recently switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack....
She hasn't realized it yet, but the thyme is cumin.
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︎ Apr 06 2020
I donβt know why my wife criticized me for not stretching after exercising.
She knew I was already knotted up about it.
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︎ Jan 25 2020
Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?
He just took it in stride
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︎ Nov 03 2019
Did you hear about the new corn maze the pumpkin patch?
All the critics agree, it's hay-mazing!
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Breaking bad was just another critical meth movement.
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︎ Nov 06 2019
A condom manufacturer kept getting criticized because its new gimmicks never did anything for women. So they did what any good company would do and went to the most knowledgeable frog in the world for advice. You know what the frog said?
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︎ Oct 05 2019
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︎ Jan 15 2020
Why do they call it a paring knife?
Because it cuts things into two, so now you have a pair.
My 15-year-old had to think about this for a minute... Then he goes "Wait, doesn't every knife do that?" Congratulations, son, that's called critical thinking.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Critic
A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:
βWould you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?β
βSure.β
βIt's pretty much worthless.β
βI don't mind, you can tell me anyway.β
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︎ May 17 2019
Did you know the first French Fries werenβt cooked in France?
They were actually cooked in Greece
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︎ Apr 19 2019
At the zoo there is a famous hippopotamus critic they named Al. There is only one problem.
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︎ Aug 04 2019
How did the pig get to hospital?
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︎ May 16 2020
What do you call a boat that doesn't allow criticism?
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︎ Feb 01 2019
A movie about Janitors impressed critics.
Later that year the movie swept the Oscars.
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︎ Jan 24 2019
Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes...
then it's ok, because you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.
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︎ Aug 16 2018
Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.
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︎ Jan 23 2020
Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?
He just took it in stride
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︎ Nov 10 2019
Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?
He just took it in stride
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︎ Nov 05 2019
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