Never criticize your wife’s decisions...

Because you were one of them!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bones82
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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In China, you can criticize every Roman numeral from I to X.

But you can't criticize XI.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vshesha
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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To prevent your gyro meat from drying out, criticize it harshly while cooking.

Give it a good lamb basting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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If I criticize you on your bad lip fillers...

"Don't give me any lip"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beyond-Dreams86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

...because then you will be a mile ahead of them. And have their shoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RicharddHat
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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People criticize shops for selling Christmas stuff too early...

Well, our supermarket sells birthday cakes and mine isn't for another 6 months!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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What did the banana say when it criticizes you for being rude?

Where are your bamanners?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phoreus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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Before you criticize a man

You should walk a mile in his shoes.

That way you'll be a mile away and he'll have no shoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guest8272
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2015
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Don't criticize my dad's grammar

He'll say without fail: "My grammar was a really nice lady, why would you say that about her?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasungod0
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2014
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You can always give punk rock bands constructive criticism...

They appreciate feedback.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Last night, I got fed up at my wife criticizing my sense of direction.

So I packed my bags and right.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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We had a critical issue at work today, the icons on the monitor screen were small

It took us a while to work out a proper resolution

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πŸ‘€︎ u/faisalz8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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what do you called a website that talked about reading, and also criticized a lot.

i reddit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whytheremate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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A critical decision.
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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What do you call an insane critic?

Judgemental

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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The comments on the post of a video where a man who flew from Emirates (using hot air balloons) and was found in Oman in a critical condition. I doubt if that video Israel..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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What way does a cyclops wing its eyeliner?

It doesn't matter, because Nobody will criticize them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Orion_Levy2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What did book critics think of the Communist Manifesto?

They gave it high Marx because it looked at many new Engels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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The comments on the post of a video where a man who flew from Emirates (using hot air balloons) and was found in Oman in a critical condition. I doubt if that video Israel..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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My daughter just hit me with this over dinner.

We're sitting around having dinner, and my wife isn't feeling great about the cooking. My daughter (6) starts critiquing the sauce, talking about what she doesn't like. I told her that sometime you have to read the room and see whether people want their cooking criticized.

She looks at me and says "Dad, you can't read a room if there are no letters in it" and starts giggling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MatMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I saw the headline β€œTrump Attacks WHO chief Over Criticisms of U.S. Approach to Coronavirus” and thought...

What the hell did Pete Townshend do?!?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreyBien875
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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Has anyone seen the new film about fried eggs?

Apparently it's been panned by critics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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I had a newly created job as Corporate Critic...

where I could criticize and demean other employees. But the job was eliminated and I was let go when my co-workers complained about my DISS-POSITION.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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Probiotics are a critical part of your diet

The health of your digestive system is too important to leave up to amateur biotics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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The art critic had to see a podiatrist.

He was diagnosed with aesthetes foot. (OC)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlappyWhite54
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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Have you heard about the new movie, "Constipation"?

It's not coming out any time soon but early critics are giving it shit reviews.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $250,000 in large bills

No change is expected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limelight_019283
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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I recently switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack....

She hasn't realized it yet, but the thyme is cumin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dani_SF
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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I don’t know why my wife criticized me for not stretching after exercising.

She knew I was already knotted up about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BawkMcGraw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?

He just took it in stride

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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Did you hear about the new corn maze the pumpkin patch?

All the critics agree, it's hay-mazing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Breaking bad was just another critical meth movement.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olfaktorio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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A condom manufacturer kept getting criticized because its new gimmicks never did anything for women. So they did what any good company would do and went to the most knowledgeable frog in the world for advice. You know what the frog said?

β€œRibbit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smacksmackums
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KGG_ON_REDDIT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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Why do they call it a paring knife?

Because it cuts things into two, so now you have a pair.

My 15-year-old had to think about this for a minute... Then he goes "Wait, doesn't every knife do that?" Congratulations, son, that's called critical thinking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EwoksMakeMeHard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Critic

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:
β€œWould you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?”
β€œSure.”
β€œIt's pretty much worthless.”
β€œI don't mind, you can tell me anyway.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Did you know the first French Fries weren’t cooked in France?

They were actually cooked in Greece

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CountryHeart11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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At the zoo there is a famous hippopotamus critic they named Al. There is only one problem.

He is hippo critic Al.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/life_of_loki
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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How did the pig get to hospital?

In a hambulance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DecentFisherman3
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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What do you call a boat that doesn't allow criticism?

A censor-ship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cat_Poker5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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A movie about Janitors impressed critics.

Later that year the movie swept the Oscars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes...

then it's ok, because you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarajara1861
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
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Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sobrasada1009
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?

He just took it in stride

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Did you hear about the runner who was criticized?

He just took it in stride

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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