My electronics teacher is creeping me out

He keeps talking about trans sisters

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ripMyTime0192
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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β€œInflation is creeping up,” a young man said to his friendβ€”

β€” β€œYesterday I ordered a twenty-five dollar steak in a restaurant and told them to put it on my creditβ€”and it fit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Holmes and Watson are creeping stealthy along the Street, searching for clues, when Holmes suddenly spots a Bakery shop window and scans it with his magnifying glass. Watson perplexed, says to Sherlock " What are you looking for exactly ? " ...Holmes replies...

" You know my method. It's founded upon the observation of Trifles. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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What is an app which will detect roaches creeping on you?

Mobile developers - APProach

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πŸ‘€︎ u/armourshield
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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85 y/o married couple next door can hardly walk. I sometimes see them creeping around the bushes between the houses.

They're a pair of old, worn out sneakers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayZinnet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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My neighbor keeps creeping around his own windows every night.

I think he has stalk home syndrome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5zgood
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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What do you call a pokemon that creeps on people?

Pikachu

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ohdynamike
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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12 year old daughter singing her revised version of β€œCreep” by Radiohead...

β€œI’m a creek. I’m a riverrrrrrrr.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cahalenta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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Such a creep ...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punteas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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What do you call an anonymous internet creep?

Torpedo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pdxp2b
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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My boy got creeped out at the great lakes

He said it was too Erie for him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_DRUMSETS
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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Not all 40 year olds are creeps

Some are waffles

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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I keep wanting to tell my daughter her boyfriend is a total creep

But then I remember I have to stop being so self-deprecating

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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I don't like thin pancakes..

They just crepe me out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.

Then the librarian told me to take it out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trace826621
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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A story about a legendary Composer

In 1827, after Beethoven died, he was buried outside the local church, in the graveyard, and people came to pay their respects frequently.

One morning, about a week after the funeral, two girls came to leave some flowers on his grave, only to hear strange, unearthly sounds coming from it. Creeped out, they called for the local Paranormal Investigator.

The Investigator arrived an hour later, and with him, a small crowd, who had come to see what was happening to the composer’s grave.

Suddenly, one member of the crowd exclaimed, β€œI recognise that sound! It’s his 9th Symphony, backwards!”

Soon after, another said, β€œand that’s his 8th, backwards!”

After leaning closer to the grave to inspect this for himself, the Investigator straightened himself up, gave a soft chuckle, and said:

β€œNever fear, ladies and gentlemen! Beethoven’s just decomposing.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnixyZ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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Since my kids last birthday in July no one has asked me...

... how old my kids are.

This is going to be a missed opportunity as their next birthday is creeping up fast (this coming July obviously).

Their ages? 7 and 11. πŸ˜”

I just want to be able to say 7-11.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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Got the girlfriend after packing away the groceries.

GF: Don't you want to go check why the pantry door isn't closing.

Me: Wander over to the pantry, look inside, and spot the culprit immediately.

GF: So what was the problem?

Me: Slowly take the tin of jam out, and while grinning like an idiot, I look at her and say: Looks like the door had been jammed.

GF: Sighs and rolls her eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legithmus
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2015
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Just got dropped back at uni...

Me: I've got a fatigue lab tomorrow morning.

Dad: Wow, that sounds tiring.

He laughed so hard he nearly fell off the pavement.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrightSideOfMeth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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At sunrise there were two robins overlooking a freshly plowed field

One says to the other β€œLets go eat our fill in seeds and worms.” They swoop down and do so.

Once all fat and happy they find a spot under a tree with the perfect amount of sun, and bask in the sunlight.

An alley cat rolls in and seeing the two birds. Thinking about how he hasn’t eaten in days, and sees two fat birds in front of him, he creeps up, and gobbles them in one fell swoop.

In the aftermath, he takes their spot in the sun, and as he’s laying down to nap he says β€œMan... I sure do love Baskin Robins.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tkl15
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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Have you heard about the guy who had his whole left side chopped off?

Yeah he's all right now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beyondyourlimits
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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Some people are really going all out for Halloween.

The guy driving behind me even got the sirens & flashing lights to go with his cop costume. Good job stranger, but you can stop following me now...I'm getting a little creeped out....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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Practical jokes for the car

These are some of the practical jokes my dad would do while driving to "entertain" us:

  1. Driving slow next to a jogger, turning down the window and asking "You seem to be in a hurry. Need a lift?" I would usually hide under a seat in shame.

  2. On a hot day in a car without AC, he'd use the standard question "Hot enough for everyone?" which just gave him groans and a loud "yes". - "Well, in this case I can turn down the thermostat again". (Of course, he'd just been turning it up right before his question without anyone noticing)

  3. Instead of driving right in a roundabout and taking the third exit, he'd drive left and take the first "to save gas", creeping the shit out of everyone. This was out on the countryside with no cars anywhere to be seen.

Any other stories you guys have?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yes_oui_si_ja
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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...and then I Kenny Rogered her.

I was talking about music with a friend, when this bit of conversation happened:

Her: I really don't like country music.

Me: How come?

Her: I don't know. It just gives me the creeps.

Me: So, you could say it gives you the Willie Nelsons?

Her: ...

Her: You're horrible.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2014
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(X-Post from /r/Jokes) Two dad jokes for the price of one!

What do you call a fitness instructor who moonlights as an action hero?

Jason Stay-thin

What do you call a music artist who works out and is a bit of a creep?

Slim Shady

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RagingDraugr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
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Went to a pumpkin patch a few weeks ago...

I was A-maize-d by how corny the corn maze was. Definitely not worth the $5.

It did have a lot in common with Dumbo though - it was all ears.

And it did creep me out a bit. Felt like I was being stalked the whole time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digitaldavis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2015
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I asked my dad if he had ever grown a beard...

"I tried once," he replied. "It was a very religious beard."

At this point my mom looks over at me and starts to roll her eyes, even as a reluctant smile creeps at the corners of her mouth. She's heard this one before, perhaps many times.

"It was holey."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luolife
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2014
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He's just sooo funny.

*laying in bed on my phone as my dad is standing at my door.

Dad: "What're you doing"

Me: "Just looking on reddit"

A smile slowly creeps across his face..

Dad: "What did you read" Then proceeds to slap knee and walk away.

At least he's cute..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sireeeena
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
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You're a Dog!

One night i was talking to my dad about a party that a bunch of single guys were going to instead of our homecoming dance. The leader of the group was called "the wolf". After mentioning "the wolf", my dad tell me "Don't worry about being a wolf, dmay58." "Ok. thanks dad." "you wanna know why." He asks as a grin starts to creep across his face. "Sure why." "Cause you get all the pussy." My mom threw a fit and my dad and I burst out laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmay58
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
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Pops has always been the sensitive type.

Family was discussing how my brother's ex-girlfriend's grandmother is being transported to RI to be buried after passing away in Florida.

Me: Isn't it sorta weird... you know.. that there could be a dead person flying in a plane en route to Rhode Island.

Dad: No, not really. I'd say the guy she was sitting next to would be the only one a little creeped out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MichaelAnz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2014
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