He keeps talking about trans sisters
— “Yesterday I ordered a twenty-five dollar steak in a restaurant and told them to put it on my credit—and it fit.”
" You know my method. It's founded upon the observation of Trifles. "
Mobile developers - APProach
They're a pair of old, worn out sneakers.
I think he has stalk home syndrome.
Pikachu
“I’m a creek. I’m a riverrrrrrrr.”
He said it was too Erie for him
Some are waffles
But then I remember I have to stop being so self-deprecating
They just crepe me out.
Then the librarian told me to take it out.
In 1827, after Beethoven died, he was buried outside the local church, in the graveyard, and people came to pay their respects frequently.
One morning, about a week after the funeral, two girls came to leave some flowers on his grave, only to hear strange, unearthly sounds coming from it. Creeped out, they called for the local Paranormal Investigator.
The Investigator arrived an hour later, and with him, a small crowd, who had come to see what was happening to the composer’s grave.
Suddenly, one member of the crowd exclaimed, “I recognise that sound! It’s his 9th Symphony, backwards!”
Soon after, another said, “and that’s his 8th, backwards!”
After leaning closer to the grave to inspect this for himself, the Investigator straightened himself up, gave a soft chuckle, and said:
“Never fear, ladies and gentlemen! Beethoven’s just decomposing.”
... how old my kids are.
This is going to be a missed opportunity as their next birthday is creeping up fast (this coming July obviously).
Their ages? 7 and 11. 😔
I just want to be able to say 7-11.
GF: Don't you want to go check why the pantry door isn't closing.
Me: Wander over to the pantry, look inside, and spot the culprit immediately.
GF: So what was the problem?
Me: Slowly take the tin of jam out, and while grinning like an idiot, I look at her and say: Looks like the door had been jammed.
GF: Sighs and rolls her eyes.
Me: I've got a fatigue lab tomorrow morning.
Dad: Wow, that sounds tiring.
He laughed so hard he nearly fell off the pavement.
One says to the other “Lets go eat our fill in seeds and worms.” They swoop down and do so.
Once all fat and happy they find a spot under a tree with the perfect amount of sun, and bask in the sunlight.
An alley cat rolls in and seeing the two birds. Thinking about how he hasn’t eaten in days, and sees two fat birds in front of him, he creeps up, and gobbles them in one fell swoop.
In the aftermath, he takes their spot in the sun, and as he’s laying down to nap he says “Man... I sure do love Baskin Robins.”
Yeah he's all right now
The guy driving behind me even got the sirens & flashing lights to go with his cop costume. Good job stranger, but you can stop following me now...I'm getting a little creeped out....
These are some of the practical jokes my dad would do while driving to "entertain" us:
-
Driving slow next to a jogger, turning down the window and asking "You seem to be in a hurry. Need a lift?" I would usually hide under a seat in shame.
-
On a hot day in a car without AC, he'd use the standard question "Hot enough for everyone?" which just gave him groans and a loud "yes". - "Well, in this case I can turn down the thermostat again". (Of course, he'd just been turning it up right before his question without anyone noticing)
-
Instead of driving right in a roundabout and taking the third exit, he'd drive left and take the first "to save gas", creeping the shit out of everyone. This was out on the countryside with no cars anywhere to be seen.
Any other stories you guys have?
I was talking about music with a friend, when this bit of conversation happened:
Her: I really don't like country music.
Me: How come?
Her: I don't know. It just gives me the creeps.
Me: So, you could say it gives you the Willie Nelsons?
Her: ...
Her: You're horrible.
What do you call a fitness instructor who moonlights as an action hero?
Jason Stay-thin
What do you call a music artist who works out and is a bit of a creep?
Slim Shady
I was A-maize-d by how corny the corn maze was. Definitely not worth the $5.
It did have a lot in common with Dumbo though - it was all ears.
And it did creep me out a bit. Felt like I was being stalked the whole time.
"I tried once," he replied. "It was a very religious beard."
At this point my mom looks over at me and starts to roll her eyes, even as a reluctant smile creeps at the corners of her mouth. She's heard this one before, perhaps many times.
"It was holey."
*laying in bed on my phone as my dad is standing at my door.
Dad: "What're you doing"
Me: "Just looking on reddit"
A smile slowly creeps across his face..
Dad: "What did you read" Then proceeds to slap knee and walk away.
At least he's cute..
One night i was talking to my dad about a party that a bunch of single guys were going to instead of our homecoming dance. The leader of the group was called "the wolf". After mentioning "the wolf", my dad tell me "Don't worry about being a wolf, dmay58." "Ok. thanks dad." "you wanna know why." He asks as a grin starts to creep across his face. "Sure why." "Cause you get all the pussy." My mom threw a fit and my dad and I burst out laughing.
Family was discussing how my brother's ex-girlfriend's grandmother is being transported to RI to be buried after passing away in Florida.
Me: Isn't it sorta weird... you know.. that there could be a dead person flying in a plane en route to Rhode Island.
Dad: No, not really. I'd say the guy she was sitting next to would be the only one a little creeped out.
