I went to an Internet cafe, but they declined my credit card.

It was cache only.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WCBrann
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I wore a credit card costume yesterday, I think I'll wear it today

So I'll wear a cardigan

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper

And now I'm paying for it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lod254
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is hot Mexican food like a credit card?

You pay for it the next day.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of nuts only accept credit card payments?

Cashews

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soloazn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got a credit card bill with a camouflaged bull printed on it...!?

..It's the hidden charges you have to watch out for.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say to the cashier when your credit card is denied at a convenience store?

β€œSorry for the inconvenience.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/singh_j
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What country does not accept cash or credit cards ?

The Czech Republic

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My credit card company must be really proud of me

They keep telling me I have an outstanding balance

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone recently told me being $30,000 dollars in credit card debt was a bad thing.

If it is such a bad thing, why does my bank say "outstanding balance" below it?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron778
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who sets fire to her credit card?

Bernadette

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CD9653
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy tells a friend that is credit card was stolen 3 months ago. His friend asked if he reported it to the credit card company.

No the guy said..... The thief Spends less than my wife.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do a dead battery and a maxed out credit card have in common?

They both decline the charges

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
He accepts credit cards.
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
You should see the face of the credit card salesman after I turned down all his offers...

He was in tiers

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the nut salesman who only accepted credit cards say?

Cash? Ew!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/compass853
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh no, I left my credit card in my car, and it melted!

Man, talk about a liquid asset.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/99-bottlesofbeer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm like a credit card

Constantly being used and declined

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my credit card in the washing machine.

It's laundered money now.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsSuperRob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of offense is not paying your credit card debt?

A Capital One

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
At my work we sell internet and work with credit card info so we aren't allowed to bring mobil phones in.

So I turned to my manager yesterday and said "We may not be able to have cell phones, but we can have SALE phones."

Note: This my first post here and not 100% sure if this is a dad joke. If it doesn't belong here, do inform me where I could post it. Many thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/James_Reacher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does Dora the Explorer love chip credit cards?

There's no more swiping

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flipsometits
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2016
🚨︎ report
If Link had a credit card, what would it be?

Master Card.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsaFrozen2013
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I've had this credit card for the past 14 years

In the beginning, there was no annual fee and it was 0% APR. Over the years they started taking away benefits and eventually introduced an annual fee. I complained to them and they offered to remove the fee every year as long as I called them. I've been waiving the fees for about 6 years now and boy are my arms tired.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/somechineseguy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I recently learned Dora the Explorer invented the chip on credit cards.

She has always been against swiping.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the preferred credit card for Mexicans?

Capital Juan

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eatchkn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the credit card for fast food cooks?

It gives them frequent frier miles!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I hate debt, but adding a charge to my credit card seems positive

It's quite ionic

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
While buying something with a credit card...

I was getting my card ready to swipe, and the cashier said "strip facing me" and I said "you want me to do WHAT?" He nervously laughed and my wife was very disappointed in me.

Full disclosure: I am a dad

πŸ‘︎ 224
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2013
🚨︎ report
This morning I saw a lady scraping the ice off her wind shield with her credit card.

..She's not going to make any progress at that rate.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tritty_kutz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2015
🚨︎ report
When paying a restaurant bill using credit card...
  • Wait until they bring the credit card machine thing over.

  • Keep card in wallet.

  • Put machine to ear.

  • "Hello? Hello?? It's for you..."

  • Hand 'phone' to waiter.

  • Watch everyone groan/reach into pockets for extra tip money.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermacheath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
🚨︎ report
My Dad's response to my sister asking if she can put shoes on his credit card.

Sure, just clean them off so it doesn't get dirty.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticshirt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad's credit card joke.

So, we were in the car, on our way to a restaurant. Dad says "Hey kids, do you want to see a miracle?" obviously, we're like, err wut, ok...

Then he pulls out his visa card and says "See this? This little piece of plastic is going to turn into food, isn't that amazing?"

Yeah....

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lalionnemoddeuse
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
🚨︎ report
My credit card company sent me a camouflaged bull.

It’s the hidden charges you have to watch out for.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ocbrad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report

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