The wife asked "Who, Ray?"
The husband said "No need to be so happy"
For starters, peanuts wouldn't have been named peanuts
Me (husband): I agree. This should be kept private.
Wife: groan...
Tasteless and odourless
Sneezy is getting kicked out the seven dwarfs.
Grandpa: Are you being safe with this Corona Virus issue?
Me: of coarse!
Grandpa: Very good, make sure you always have a mask on outside and carry a bunch of sand with you!
Me: I always have a mask on but why do I need sand?
Grandpa: You didn't hear about the sand? Its very effective! Wherever you suspect the virus is hiding, you grab a handful of sand and throw the sand at it to stone the virus to death!
I love my grandpa lol made me laugh
the local origami society has folded.
Dictatorship.
They got it right off the bat
Solitaire.
.....that the corona virus struck because of a dyslexic order for rabbit.
What do you get when you work out your abs during quarantine?
A 6-pack of Corona
Then the librarian told me to take it out.
At my age, I remember how deflating it was to spend hours and hours coming up with an email address or gamer tag that was both clever and fun, only to find out that 18 others had thought of it first
Me: Because of Corona?
Friend: No. Because you're ugly.
Because the cases keep Dublin.
But then someone told me it was trudeau.
A six pack of ice cold coronas
It’s probably a good thing considering they’re both well-known carriers.
We're all getting sick of them
You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
They are both quality control managers and are instructed to check on the product before leaving.
They go below deck and open on of the boxes, and inside are hundreds of potatoes. One of them picks one up and notices that it’s a very odd shape for a potato. He picks up another and is also perplexed by its peculiarity.
He picks up a third and realizes that they are all shaped like penises. He says to his friend “I don’t think we can work on this ship with all these penis potatoes.”
So they go up to the captains quarters to quit. When they arrive they say “Captain, we cant work on this ship. We would like to get off.”
He looks them in the eye and says, “I’m sorry gentlemen. This isn’t a democracy. It’s a dictatorship.”
—
Originally read on r/jokes , but reworded for brevity.
Any longer and it's a foot
And now I'm no longer allowed in the library
He hard on crime! He takes down all those hardened criminals! But he's soft and gentle with civilians.
but they all sucked
Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that. He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
Me: Wtf why?
Dad: I cut myself pretty bad.
Me: What does the dildo have to do with anything?
Dad: I need a dose of penis ceilin'
(Actual)
Because that's a dick move
At least until the Librarian caught me.
