How does a mathematician deal with constipation?

He works it out with a pencil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niknaktom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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I’m making a movie called constipation

I can’t wait till it comes out

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I’ve been constipated for a while now

Same shit different year I guess

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GladiatorMainOP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brianl2px2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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I’ve been trying to solve a complicated maths question to take my mind off my constipation. Today, using only a pencil and sheer determination...

I finally worked it out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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You probably haven’t heard of that new movie, "Constipation"

It hasn’t come out yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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My girlfriend that I loved with all my heart left me while I was in the bathroom screaming with constipation.

It was the hardest dump I ever took.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uckioh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Joke from my great uncle: You know that movie "Constipation" that was supposed to come out this year?

It didn't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Facist_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I went online for constipation advice...

Now, I can't log out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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What did the maths professor do when he became constipated?

He worked it out with a pencil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cynical-carrot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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People that are constipated

Stop lying, your full of crap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamGrooot77
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?

The marksman can shoot but not hit...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolsquid101
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Have you heard about the new movie, "Constipation"?

It's not coming out any time soon but early critics are giving it shit reviews.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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My infant son is a bit constipated. My wife was like "I want to weigh him today" and I said that's not a good idea. She asked why...

Because he is full of shit.

She responded "you shouldn't say that"

I responded "what he just lies all day."

Real convo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwestwood186
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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Have you ever been constipated?

That shit hurts

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Messaibi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Did you hear about the movie constipated

it didn't come out yet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dead---inside
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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A constipated man goes to visit his doctor.

"Doc, I haven't pooped in a week! Please help!"

Doc says sure, and writes him a prescription for a weeks worth of suppositories.

Man comes back the next day, "doc, I took the entire script last night, but nothing happened!"

The doc is shocked, as in his experience suppositories are very effective, and after taking a weeks worth he should have definitely had a BM. Oh well, the doc thinks, and gives him another weeks worth.

Guy comes back the next day. The doc says incredulously, "you've taken 2 weeks worth of suppositories in 2 days, and nothing happened?!?! What are you doing with them, eating them?!?!"

The man replies, "What'd you expect me to do with them, Shove 'em up my ass?!?!"



I don't know if this would normally be considered a dad joke, but it's my dad's favorite joke so I think it should count.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Have you heard of the movie constipation?

No? It’s because it hasn’t come out yet!

-A joke told by my 6 year old cousin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpleegg1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Have any of you that seen that new movie β€œConstipation”?

Oh never mind.... it hasn’t come out yet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adhdandwingingit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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My partner said that I looked constipated in our pictures

I was tryna hold my shit together

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wadesman26
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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I told my doctor I felt constipated

He told me I was full of shit

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vico__Staps
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Have any of you guys seen the show Constipation on Netflix?

Oh wait, that's right. It hasn't come out yet....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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I used to suffer from constipation.....

That shit was hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeepguy797
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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Don't trust people who are constipated.

They're full of shit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/isilovac
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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How did the mathematician take care of his constipation problem?

He worked it out with a pencil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WittyTurkey715
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Did you hear how the mathematician cured his constipation?

He worked it out with a number two pencil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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I think there's something wrong with the constipation website I signed up to.

I can't log out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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What do you say when your employee complains about his constipation?

A poor workman blames his stools.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deegantmistry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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How can you find out whether you have constipation or diarrhea?

The process of elimination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Me: have you ever seen the movie Constipation?

You: no

Me: That’s because it never came out

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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How does Vanna White take her constipation medicine?

Via bowel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MBTHVSK
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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Why does a mathematician never get constipated?

They work everything out with a pencil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/here4Q
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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What do you call a constipated Sherlock Holmes?

The no-shit Sherlock!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sg1ooo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a #2 pencil

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asadefa
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

They just couldn’t budget

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yetanotherrob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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My son tried to tell me he was constipated

he was full of shit

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/terraria_kidd69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RJA86
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Have you heard about that new movie called "Constipation"?

It hasn't come out yet.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Do you know of this new movie called "Constipation"

Its hasn't come out yet

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elguereaux
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the movie Constipation ?

No ? That's because it hasn't come out yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DinkyOreo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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What do you say to a constipated liar?

You're full of shit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lonelyslav
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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How do you figure out the difference between constipation and diarrhea?

Process of Elimination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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What’s the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?

One can shoot but can’t hit

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hideandsheep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

They had to work it out with a pencil

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegravybaron
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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How does a mathematician fix constipation?

He works it out with a pencil.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiggerBadgers
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He had to work it out with a pencil

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hideandsheep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report

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