Why do amputees consistently get severe depression?
Because they couldn't reach out to someone.
What do you call a friend from Eastern Europe that consistently beats you at chess.
Once my Dad took us to vacation on the island of Polynesia. The natives invited us to eat their traditional dish consisting of fermented taro root. So I asked my dad…
Me: "Dad can we try that"
Dad: "That's poison"
I politely refused.
The Fellowship consists of 4 hobbits, 2 humans, 1 elf and a dwarf
Consistency.
What happen when you con your sis a ton of time? You get consistent at it.
Han Solo's diet mainly consists of protein and fat...
But he allows himself one carb a night.
I have a pet termite that I've named Clint.
What rock group consists of four famous men, but none of them sing?
What does Dumbledores car collection consist of?
Did this one in real life
Roommate (who for reference is gay) is putting up the reusable artificial Christmas tree with a group of friends. He steps back to look at his work, then turns around and asks “maybe it’s me, but this tree doesn’t look straight”
Me: “probably because it just came out of the closet”
My day consisted of ups and downs.
So I got off the elevator.
Have you ever listened to Canine music?
Did you know that rainfall totals measure consistently higher at airports in Spain than anywhere else in the country?
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the planes
Name one good thing about an alcoholic; I'll go first:
They sure are good at lifting spirits.
What do you call your Irish friend who values consistency and routine?
What do you call a ship that consists only of stores?
Scientists have recently discovered a fish consisting of just two sodium atoms…
I was told it was OK to pee in the swimming pool.
Unfortunately not from the 10 meter diving board though.
Rabbit comes to the bakery asking if they have carrot pie.
Rabbit: Hi! Do you have carrot pie?
owner says no, we don't make carrot pie.
Next day rabbit comes: Hi! Do you have carrot pie?
No! We don't make carrot pie!
Next day rabbit comes: Hi! Do you have carrot pie?
No! I told you already!
Rabbit came 3 days in a row so the owner thinks; I'm gonna make him a carrot pie he might be a regular! Earn some money.
Next day rabbit comes: Hi! Do you have carrot pie?
Owner answers yes! Its right here!
Rabbit answers: It's disgusting, isn't it?
What's the name of the dessert consisting of Espresso poured over Vanilla ice cream?
It was on the tip of my tongue, but Affogato.
A German Family consisting of a Mom, Dad, 8-year-old son, and 6-year-old daughter walk into a bar.
The Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your kind here."
I’ve got a device consisting of a circular canopy of pink fish on a folding metal frame supported by a central rod, used as protection against rain.
Now I have salmonella.
(I’m sorry, it’s a fishy joke)
There's a show that consists only of people peeing.
You can see it on a number of streaming channels.
There's a girl group that consist of failed fashion models.
They are called One Expression
What do pancakes and baseball teams have in common?
Their consistency depends on the batter.
For my birthday in mid-January, I invited a few friends over to a highly populated urban residential area consisting mostly of closely packed, decrepit housing units inhabited primarily by impoverished persons.
It's my first slum-brrrr party so wish us luck!
Barnyard studies have consistently found
that two out of three pigs use inferior building materials.
When flirting consists of solid puns...
Did you hear about the queen cover band consisting of ducks?
They do most queen songs but they don't quack under pressure.
Even though the protein store was consistently out of stock, one guy still made sales
because where there is a Will, there is a whey
Did you hear about the gang consisting only of people with the running noses?
They’re called the Aller G’s
Darth Vader was quickly promoted through the police ranks.
After all, he was the most consistent with use of excessive Force.
why did the Beaver have a better credit score that the platypus?
The Beaver didn't have any bills
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
When I asked my dad if he thought it was a good idea to switch my diet to one consisting mainly of almonds, cashews and macadamias...
He just shrugged and said, it’s ok, go nuts
What do you call consistent bad luck on the highway?
what does goblin's blood consist of?
If you die of obstipation what quantity of your body weight consists of excrement?
My friend took a difficult test on the consistency of ground water today...
I said, well water doesnt sound that hard
Boy or Girl Zebra
Not exactly a one liner dad joke, but I believe this is part of our duty as fathers to intentionally mess with our kids. I tell my girls all the time that boy zebras are black with white stripes, and that girl zebras are white with black stripes (or vice versa you decide but stay consistent). The look of their face trying to think it through when a zebra is on TV after asking if it's a male/female is priceless and you all should give it a go and share the outcome! Dad-on my fellow pranksters.
Why are horses such consistent and dependable voters ?
They always vote "Neigh".
Did you hear about the music group that is consisted entirely of members who are HIV positive?
They call themselves The Band-Aids
I've started writing my updates for my team's daily meetings in the form of a nineteen-line poem with two rhymes throughout, consisting of five tercets and a quatrain.
Alas, I'm not a very good poet.
In fact, my manager told me he's never seen such a wretched scribe of scrum and villanelle.
My dinner tonight consisted of the internal organs and entrails of a butchered animal.
How can you tell when a mirror is not consistent with your beliefs?
It does not reflect who you are.
I bought a camping tent and I'm impressed with how it's deployed nicely every single time, over and over...
What rock group consists of four guys that don't sing?
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